This weeks definitive interview is with....no one. Unfortunately someone (Sonya Jin) didn't feel up to do an interview today (bailed on me.) But I'm not the least disappointed (devastated, stressing out, interviewless) because I'm a calm and easy going guy (ran my fist into my tape recorder.) But I still have some fresh material to fill in this segment (reaching down at the bottom of the bucket.) So don't fret about the absent of a real interview (I apologize...please don't hurt me.) So sit down, relax and enjoy some good reading (you might want to skip this part.)
Interview take 1
Clyde: We're here with an empty chair...um....hi empty chair.....how are you?
Chair: ...
Clyde: Dear Lord this is a nightmare.
Interview take 2
Clyde: So....you're a canine.
Monique the Dog: (stares and blinks.)
Clyde: Do you....know any tricks?
Monique the Dog: (Gets up and leaves the room.)
Clyde: Wait I have more interesting questions, please don't go....ah crap.
Interview take 3
Clyde: (looks at tape recorder, and then shakes his head in disappointment.)
Interview take 4
Clyde: (eating some fried chicken he bought at Dillions...8 pieces for only 4.99)
Interview take 5
Clyde: (has a guitar in hand.) I use to have an interview section...now it sucks. I use to interview a lot of people....but it's all bust.
Interview take 6:
Clyde: (Sleeping)
The End
Today's interview: Sonya....whoopee.....(some one shoot me now.)
Clyde: So why the name Sonya?
Sonya: Well you see my Aunt, she's a...(goes on.)
Clyde: (THINKING TO HIMSELF) Great...why the name Sonya? What kind of question was that? Man this is horrible....this is like the interview I had with the empty chair.
Sonya: ...and she had all these....(goes on)
Clyde: (THINKING TO HIMSELF) Is she still talking about that name question? Man if I knew it would take this much explanation I wouldn't have asked her in the first place.....come on finish the story....finish.....FINISH....FINISH!
Sonya: (sees Glen) Hey Glen come over here.
Clyde: (THINKING TO HIMSELF) Aw come on, not this guy....
Glen: What's this for.
Sonya: He's recording this so he can put it in a article for his newsletter thing.
Clyde: (THINKING TO HIMSELF) Great....just great....
Glen: I'm not on it?
Clyde: (THINKING TO HIMSELF) aw shoot.
(out loud) Do you want to be on it?
Glen: Yeah
Clyde: Ok (thinking to himself) @#$#!! &$*%(!! and #$%%!! $%&*!!
Sonya: Do you write under an alias?
Clyde: (Thinking to himself) is she still talking? (Out loud) No I write under the name Clyde Aaron Kim (Thinking) duh
Sonya: (talking to someone else)
Clyde: (Thinking) Man I'm hungry...could go for some doughnuts. One of those cake doughnuts...those are the best. It's like your getting the two best deserts in one, cake and doughnut....man that would be so great to have like a giant cake doughnut. Maybe have it like really huge....the size of a real cake. Hmm....so would that make it just a cake or a really big doughnut? Man, I wish I had a doughnut. Next interview I'm bringing a bag of doughnuts....or one of those huge muffins....you know come to think of it I'm in a mood for an omelet too. Ok ok next interview cake doughnut, muffin, and a omelet....and if possible a really big cake doughnut.
Sonya: YOu know you really should be more prepared for these interviews. IT's like what Barbara Walters says...(goes on.)
Clyde: (thinking) Ok doughnut, possible huge doughnut, a muffin, one of those all omelets, maybe a bowl of cream of chicken soup....man I could go for one of those...gotta make sure I have some Tobbasco sauce though....ooh and a huge bottle of Picari Sweat....wait they don't sell that here.....ok Dr Pepper will do fine.
Suffice to say, the interview went down hill from there....Later that day I got my hands on some doughnuts.