fatman

Finals...Finals...Finals...Suicide...Finals.
(orginally written some where around December 2000)

     As you know finals are just around the corner, and many of us (the ones who are currently attending school) need to be studying. Well if you're reading this, it's obvious you decided to postpone it for a while. That's ok because as I'm writing this I'm pretty much avoiding the task myself. So what's been going on for Clyde Aaron Kim these days? Well...

     Let's say you�re walking down a corridor, and at the end of the hallway a really fat man scratching himself. You try to pass him as you walk by, but this guy is so big that he's actually taking the entire hallway. So in a polite manner, you say, "Um...excuse me."
    The Fat Man replies, "Look they were itchy and I needed to scratch them." You of course try to ignore his comment and decide to turn around to avoid confrontation. He follows you and continues to bombard you with reasons why it was necessary to scratch himself in that place.
    "Come on," The Fat Man says, "Don't be so secretive, I bet you do it all of the time."
    "I don't do it in public," You quip back in an articulate tone.
    "Yeah but if it's ok to do it in private, why is it so bad to do it in public."
    "Because it's rather rude.�
    �So all of the sudden I�m rude just because I scratch myself?�
     �No,� you say trying not to make eye contact, �Scratching yourself just makes you disgusting, actually discussing it with me afterwards makes you rude.�
     �I take offense to that sir,� the Fat Man replies, �I am neither rude nor disgusting. Why you don�t even know the real me.�
     �I know enough and I don�t care to know any more.� You try to lose him in a stair well. Perhaps climbing flights of stairs will make him too exhausted to further this discussion.
    �Oh I see what you�re doing,� the Fat Man says as he follows you up the stairs. �You�re trying to lose me by climbing stairs. You think I can�t keep up with you? You think that just because I�m obese that I�m some kind of lazy buffoon? Well�.hey come back here!� The Fat Man tries to match your speed, but you increase your velocity just enough too make his climb up the stairs a more difficult task.
      �This discussion was very enlightening my dear sir, but I really must be going.� You bolt for the doors, and put as much distance between you and the Fat Man as possible. The Fat Man keels over, wheezing with fatigue. He puts his head down in shame, but then looks around if anyone is looking. When he notices that no one is around he begins to scratch his crotch once again.
     Suddenly the exit door burst open, and a voluptuous blond headed girl heads down the stairs. She notices that a porkulent fellow stroking his fingers back and forth over his private parts, and decides to back track and head for the elevator.
     �What!� the Fat Man yells, �I�m a big guy! They get itchy really easily! Bitch!�

True story or Fiction�.you decide!