2003

{2003}

AM I WORTHY OF THIS CULTURE? (story)
Pressing her hands in the mud, she felt something more than just wet earth, but just didn't know how to describe it. At ten years old, this young girl always knew her race, but never knew its meanings. Of course, this story is about me and my journey to understanding what it is to be Mexican American, but I choose to continue in a nameless, third person point of view.
So, the girl playing in the mud seems typical, calling her little pots of earth and gathering of flowers a game called, "Indian". However, to her, it was more than a game. She was always interested in art, nature, and Native American cultures. Collecting "pretty" rocks and drawing her interpretations of life, she was actually searching for her own culture.
A favorite of her elementary art teacher and an honor roll student, the girl never really questioned her religion. She was raised a Catholic and followed the necessary means. She took her first Eucharist but didn't understand that the bread and wine physically became the body and blood of Christ. She also learned the trinity: the Father, the Son, and the Holy Spirit, but didn't know the meaning behind it.
It wasn't her fault; she was still young and na�ve. It wouldn't be until high school where it became absolutely necessary to begin learning about religion and culture. During the time of her Confirmation, she began to dissect the meaning of religion, reading about every type imaginable. In this time of discovery, she stumbled upon the world of the Aztecs and other Mesoamerican people. She wondered, "Would my life be different growing up in Mexico? Worse?"
Her family seemed alright with living outside of Mexico; after all they did immigrate here only two generations ago. But why did she not feel like a true Mexican? One word: language. She did not know how to speak fluent Spanish. Along with that her family never practiced traditional Mexican customs such as Dia de Los Muertos or Cinco de Mayo. It was because of an incident that changed them from Mexican to "Tex-Mex":
Long ago, when her mother was a child, the public schools forbid the Spanish language. You were punished for speaking Spanish and large posters on the walls read, "SPEAK ENGLISH". The children were even embarrassed to bring tortillas to lunch or wear "chanclas" (filp-flops).
This affected the girl and limited her to only common words and phrases for household items. Everywhere she went, she was haunted by the fact that she was not even the least bit fluent in Spanish. If her family was having a conversation it would have to be repeated to her in English. At work, a Mexican American customer would immediately come towards her expecting she know Spanish.
Of course she took Spanish classes and learned about Mexican culture, but something still didn't feel right. So she decided to embark on a life-long promise and journey to learn about her past and not become but simply reveal her true heritage. So here I am in college, striving to retrace my ancestors and planning to study abroad in Mexico. It will take me quite some time but I look forward to the challenge.