Title: Sins of the Past

Jim walked into the loft and dropped his keys into the basket. He set the mail next to it and then went over and hung up his coat. He picked the mail back up as he made his way into the kitchen to pick up a beer and then sat down in the front room. He started sorting the mail into four piles: his, Blair’s, and junk mail. He knew that if Blair could see him, his Guide would have a good laugh. Jim knew that Blair thought that Jim went a bit over board when it came to sorting things and making sure everything was in its place, but Jim like things in order. Ellison came to a letter in a pink envelope and cringed. Even without his Sentinel senses he could smell the perfume on the letter. He wondered for a moment what Blair would do if he put it outside and forbid Blair from bringing it back in the loft. Instead he dialed is down and dropped it into Blair’s pile.

The next letter caught Jim’s attention and he quickly forgot about the letter dipped in perfume. The letter was in a simple white envelope with Jim’s name on it and a return address for a law firm in Virginia. He dropped the rest of the mail onto the coffee table and sat back on the couch. He carefully opened the envelope and pulled out another envelope. Inside this one was a one-page letter. The date on the letter was two years previous. His curiosity was peeked and he quickly unfolded the letter and started to read.

‘Jimmy. I guess I could of thought of a better way to start this letter, but the words wouldn’t come to me. I can say though, that if you’re getting this letter, then I’m dead. I know that doesn’t help matters, cause I was hoping to see you before I died. By now you’re probably confused. My name is, or should I say was Grace Ellison. It’s strange to write that name down. I haven’t used it since I left you. Do you remember me? I know that you do, but I’m not sure your brother does. He was so young when I left, but I didn’t have a choice. 

I bet your father never told either of you why I left? I know he was to embarrass by the whole thing. I know there is no easy way to say this, but the reason I left was because I was having an affair. To make matters worst the person I was having an affair with was only 20 years old. We thought that we loved each other, but I know now, that we didn’t. You probably want to know who the man was, but he has no place in our lives now. He left me only a year after I left your father. The bastard fell in love with a young waitress and decided that I was too old for him. He was right thou, but it has taking me this long to realize that.

You know right after he left me, I went to your father and tried to beg his forgiveness. William wouldn’t have anything to do with me. So I started to follow you and your brother around. I just wanted to see you. I wanted to know if you missed me or not. Was your life less…? Did my disappearance make any difference to the two of you? Even today I don’t know the answer to that question. 

Don’t blame your father for not taking me back when I asked him too. He had his reasons not too and at that point in time I didn’t understand them, but I do know. After I left your father he asked me to come visit you two. He even brought Stephan to the house that I was staying in. I hope and pray, each day that Stephan doesn’t remember what happened that day. I pretty much said that I hated the three of you because you held me back from enjoying life. I wish I had realized the joy of raising two beautiful children. Instead I told William that I never wanted to see any of you again. I told him that I had no children. 

I guess you hate me now. You have every right too. However I have to tell you something. You have a little sister. She’s beautiful and smart. If you ever wish to meet her, just get in contact with my lawyer. He’s the one that sent you this letter upon my death. I know that I can never make thinks up to you, but maybe someday you can find it in your heart to forgive me. Take care my son. 

Love Your Mother,                                                                                                                                                               Grace Ellison’ 

Jim set the letter down on the coffee table in shock. He didn’t know what to think. He always thought that his mother had left because of him and his senses, but now he knew the truth. The truth didn’t make anything better. His mother had wanted nothing to do with them until her boyfriend decided he didn’t need her. Jim let his head fall back against the back of the couch; his eyes closing as tears ran down his face.

Later he would call his father and brother, but at that moment Jim didn’t want to move. So caught up in the past and his emotions, he never heard Blair enter the loft. He however he did hear Blair tell him that everything was going to be all right and pull the older man into a hug. Jim relaxed into that comforting embrace and wrapped his arms around Blair. His Guide was the one thing that he had always been able to count on and Jim knew that he always would be able too. Blair would help him deal with the pain and emotion left by his mothers betrayal later. Right now Sandburg was more then willing to just sit there and lend Jim a shoulder.