|NEW WELSH GRAND PRIX CIRCUIT UNVEILED|
|South Wales motorsport fans don't need to wait until next July in order to enjoy the thrills of high-speed action on their doorstep.
Several pubs in Aberdare are currently offering special deals on prime viewing spots for the unofficial road races around Aberdare town centre.
Regular customers of the Conway Inn in Cardiff Street, run by keen Formula One fan John Evill, have been able to watch the qualifying heats for several weeks. Nick Brown of the Cambrian Inn is hoping to capitalise on the sessions, which start at approximately 6.30 pm and continue until 10 pm or later. Decent views can also be obtained from Rasputin's Vodka Bar, the Come Enjoy Chinese Restaurant, and the Bute Arms.
Morgan Dyton of the Market Tavern usually has grandstand seats available, although spectators would be advised to keep well clear of the pedestrian area outside, which is often used as an access road by relief crews.
It is not known who is behind the scheme, which attracts racers of both sexes from throughout the valley, with the fastest cars vying for supremacy on the sharp bend known as Argos Corner. Betting shops are not yet offering odds on the outcomes, but unofficial gambling is believed to go on.
|The new Welsh Grand Prix circuit encompasses most of the area marked in green and yellow, together with many of the side roads.
Races take place every evening, beginning at approximately 6.30 and going on until 10pm or later.
|The road races, which are run every night on a circuit including Market Street, Duke Street, Station Street, and the bus running area of the bus station (with special dispensation for the drivers to use the "buses only" exit from the A4059), seem to have the full approval of RCTCBC and South Wales Police.
Although the organisers of the races prefer to keep their identities secret, no official moves have been made to prevent the event from taking place.
One enthusiastic fan told The Cynon Valley Beacon, "I can't wait until someone gets killed. It's bound to happen. That would really be the most excitement we've had round here for years."
|David and Janet Fowler of the Cross Inn and Welsh Harp, Trecynon, who annually play host to fans from far and wide during the Motorcycle Races, have welcomed the races, and their outside tables offer great views of the straight stretch past the GATSO camera at Comin School.
If you don't want to spend the evening in the pub, however, half an hour spent sitting in the bus station, on the steps of the Palladium, or at the bus stop outside Aberdare Library will provide you with front-row seats.
Residents living as far afield as Trecynon, Aberaman, Cwmbach, Robertstown and Abernant are believed to be offering tickets for their front rooms, from where the nightly drama can usually be seen at close quarters.
|FANCY A TIDY JOB?|
|If you are invited for interview after answering a few quick questions and completing a simple sentence - "I like drinking because..." ( in no more than 2 words ) you will get a free downloaded ringtone of your choice on your own phone. After your induction at our secret HQ in Fochriw you will also be given a spare secret phone that plays a range of ringtones. You can choose from the Inspector Gadget theme or the theme from Goldfinger or The Godfather. We also have a compilation of Welsh Rugby songs, Shirley Bassey or Max Boyce. It's up to you.
Your induction at Fochriw begins when you follow the white dog. Ring Les or Duggie on 01234 567 8910 to arrange an interview (calls cost 20p/min - please ask the bill payer's permission and don't forget to tell everyone in the pub that you're thinking of applying to be a spy.
|Fed up of lolling around in the local Bookies, or playing darts up the club with the boys?
Why don't you come and join us? Tidy pay, like, and you can forget travelling by Shamrock Shoppa bus too. We will give you a specially adapted top of the range 1990 Ford Granada reconditioned with a lot of hidden secret thingies you can use if you like.There is a cup holder for your mug of tea on the dashboard too and one on the passenger side for the tidy smart piece you could pick up on your travels.Also a big ashtray for your fag ends and go faster stripes on the side of the car.
You will be issued with a dole card to cover your secret identity. You will be kitted out with a cheap pair of trainers, Wales rugby shirt and plenty of bling from Elizabeth Duke, so nobody in Wales will ever know what you really do for a living. You'll also get a nice suit so that when you go abroad or clubbing down Cardiff you'll really look the kiddie. Generous booze and fags allowance, and as much chips and gravy as you can eat.
|Your duties will mainly involve shadowing blokes in the pub. You may occasionally have to pick up a bit of stuff, take her home and charm secrets out of her, by giving her cans of Carling, a kebab, and telling her you are really in the SAS and stationed in Brecon, but you like living in a tatty council flat by your Mam as a perfect cover.
You must be well versed in James Bond films and also have a black belt in Su Doku, Origami and Feng Shui. You must have a beer belly and smoke at least 40 fags a day so that no-one will guess who you really are. Tattoos too are manadatory.The more the better - especially mispelt home made ones.
Licence to kill? Yes - you must be able to talk a lot of rubbish about sport and TV, and be guaranteed to have anyone plead for mercy and give up their secrets. You must be able to carry clecs back to us, and be a nosy git, not afraid to stick your nose into other people's business.
You will also need an encyclopedic knowledge of The Matrix.
|THE SECURITY SERVICES
Ours is not to reason why, ours is just to do or Dai