 |
| Welcome To My Compilation of Vampire Jokes |
| Q and A What's fast food to a vampire? A GUY WITH REALLY HIGH BLOOD PRESSURE Why did the Vampire subscribe to Vogue? HE HEARD IT HAD GREAT CIRCULATION Why don't vamps like Red Cross? THEY CAN'T STAND THE COMPETITION What's something to keep secret from a vampire? DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME. Why did the dyslexic vampire starve to death? HE COULDN'T FIND ANY D-L-O-O-B Why aren't the 2 Sicilian vampires talking? THEYRE INVOLVED IN A BLOOD FEUD Why did the vampire call an Asian mortuary? HE WANTED CHINESE TAKE OUT. |
| THINGS YOU SHOULD NEVER SAY TO A SUSPECTED VAMPIRE:
* Suck on this! * Hey hook tooth - who's your dentist? * Gee Count, I've never been to a Castle's basement before! * Oh Count, lets watch the sun rise. * What's the hurry Bat face? * Would you rub my neck for a second? * ME afraid of the dark? |
| The Top 15 Complaints of Modern Day Vampires
15. Grunge look makes it tough to tell living from the undead.
14. Nutrasweet or not, fat-free blood tastes like crap. 13. Hard to get a decent puncture with latex on your fangs. 12. Three Words: Daylight Savings Time 11. Can't enjoy a meal at Burger King without some redneck yelling, "Look Ma! It's Elvis!" 10. After 45 years of Communist rule, it's impossible to find clean, uncontaminated Transylvanian soil for bottom of coffin. 09. After 100 years of trying, still can't score with Elvira. 08. No bat is safe with Ozzy Ozbourne around. 07. With all those crucifix-wearing Madonna clones, junior highs are suddenly off-limits. 06. No warm blood for miles around DC. 05. Exhausted from all those Calvin Klein photo shoots. 04. No small task beating F. Lee Bailey to a warm body. 03. Buxom wenches of old have been replaced by aerobicized "hardbodies." 02. Baboon heart makes everything taste gamey. And the #1 complaint of Modern-day Vampires: 01. Sick and tired of being mistaken for Keith Richards. |
| The Only Cross that Works
It seems that two nuns were traveling through Europe in their car. They get to Transylvania and are stopped at a traffic light. Suddenly, a diminutive Dracula jumps onto the hood of the car and scratches at the windshield! "Quick, quick!" shouts the first nun, "What shall I do?" "Turn the windshield wipers on, that will get rid of the abomination," shouts the second. She switches them on, knocking Dracula about, but he clings on and hisses even more loudly! "What shall I do now?" shouts the first nun. "Switch on the windshield washer. I filled it up with Holy Water from the Vatican!" says the second. Dracula screams as the water burns his skin, but he clings on and hisses again at the nuns. "Now what?" screams the first nun. "Show him your cross!" says the second. So the nun rolls down the window and shouts: "GET OFF MY F***ING HOOD!!" |
 |
 |
 |