The
Chapter One: Of Application and Levitation
“I luv
you Shaoran” Sakrua said
looking into shaoran’s amber orbs. “I love u two
Sakura” he replied. “I want us too be together forever.” “But Shaoran we cant” she said emerald eyes filling w/tears
“your evil father wood never let us be!!!!” “i don’t care about him he said.
“With you’re help I can defeet him and then their
will be nothin betwene us!”
“Oh Shaoran!” Sakura sighed pashionately. They kissed deeply and pashionately
(A/N: Did I spell that rite?) under the light of the stars that simbolized they’re true love. Shaoran
killed his evil father with Sakuras help and tehy lived happily ever after. The End.
Maureen Gregg finished her latest work of art with a satisfied smile on her face. This was truly a winner. After all, who wouldn’t want to read the story of how the humble peasant girl Sakura melted Prince Syaoran’s cold heart? It had everything: a beautiful heroine with a dark secret, a prince tormented by his evil father, and a mysterious necklace that brought them together. Surely she would get good reviews for this.
Maureen quickly uploaded her new story onto fanfiction.net:
Star Crosed Love by Syaosgurl
will Sakura a pheasant be the one to melt Prince
Shaorans hart? Pashionate
love amid a World Gonne Madde!
R&R plz.
English – PG-13 –
Romance/Fantasy – Reviews – Updated
She just couldn’t wait until she started getting reviews! She quickly opened her e-mail and checked for new messages. Of course, it had only been thirty seconds, but you never knew…
As unlikely as it was, there was indeed a new message waiting for Maureen when she logged on.
“Who’s ‘OFUT’?” she asked herself. “Sounds like a curse word or something. Maybe it’s new. Ooh! Maybe this person’s right at the start of all the new phenon-phenom-things that happen online!” So saying, she clicked on the link.
And blinked at it.
“Dear ‘Syaosgurl’,” she read, “You have hereby been forcibly accepted into the Official Fanfiction University of Tomoeda (OFUT). We don’t hold with mission statements around here, but our purpose is to reeducate you in the proper ways of writing fanfiction pertaining to Card Captor Sakura. Attached find, if you please and most especially if you don’t, your application form, class list, and list of prohibited materials. Please note that failure to fill out the application form will not result in failure to attend our University. Your transport will arrive in one (1) hour from the time you fill out and send your application form. We recommend you do so immediately, and then spend some time packing. You may be away for quite some time.
“Yours sincerely and malevolently,
Miss Cygna, Course Coordinator, OFUT”
Maureen blinked again. “What? Is this some new form letter or something I didn’t know about?” Deciding that must be it, she proceeded to download the three attachments. She opened “Application.doc” first, and started to fill it out.
Name: Maureen Gregg
Internet Alias: Syaosgurl
Species: Human, duh
Sex: Female
Hair: Brown, curly, and shoulder-length. It’s pretty!
Eyes: (Maureen paused. She’d always wished she had blue eyes…But she should really be honest on these things, or it wouldn’t work right.) Brown.
The application was long, and she didn’t understand some of the questions. What was a “PPC”? The one thing that did worry her a little was the paragraph at the bottom that said:
I, the undersigned, hereby agree to obey all OFUT
rules and regulations, on pain of pain. The staff may punish me for my transgressions
as they see fit. I hereby agree to waive all legal rights to my property and
person while on OFUT property, and agree not to participate in legal or illegal
action against OFUT after my departure. I also agree not to write fanfiction,
unless otherwise instructed by a staff member, while on OFUT property. In
general, I declare that I have fewer legal rights than gravel, and place myself
completely in the hands of Miss Cygna and the OFUT staff until such time as
they shall agree to release me.
But she had been
happily ignoring online terms of service for years, so she just typed her name
underneath and sent the application back to the mysterious message sender.
Maybe this was the start of a wonderful adventure, like she’d always dreamed of
having! Maybe a really hot guy had sent her the e-mail and would fall in love
with her!
Maureen was so
busy daydreaming that she almost didn’t notice the other two documents she had
downloaded starting to print on their own. But she did notice them, eventually.
Fangirl she might be, but she wasn’t deaf, and her printer made a lot of noise.
She hid behind her chair, frightened that some demonic ghost or something might
be coming out of it (and, as it happened, she wasn’t far wrong), but when all
her printer did was spit out a few sheets of paper, she came cautiously out and
picked them up.
“Course list…Are
these for real?! ‘Magic for Absolute Imbeciles’? ‘How to Touch Canon With a
Ten-foot Pole’? ‘To AU or Not to AU: There Should be no Question’? Who made
these things up?” For a moment, Maureen almost thought hard about what she was
doing, but then the title of the next page distracted her. “Oh, right. I have
to pack!”
She dashed around
her bedroom like a small and not very focused tornado, picking up clothes, jewelry,
her pictures of Syaoran, a bag of Hershey’s bars, and all the other things she
thought she might need for a trip. She couldn’t forget her best dresses—her
mysterious admirer deserved to have her looking her best!
Only after she
had packed did Maureen look at the list of forbidden items.
The following are not to be brought within the
confines of the Official Fanfiction University of Tomoeda by a student, it read. Doing so will result in confiscation of offending item(s) and
punishment of the student at the discretion of the staff. The prohibited items
are as follows: Food (all meals will be provided by OFUT), drink (one [1]
bottle of water per student excepted), alcohol of any description and in any
form (especially tequila), drugs of any description (except when accompanied by
a note from a physician, and except in the case of birth control—hope may
spring eternal all it likes), illegal drugs of any description and under any
circumstances whatsoever, weapons of any kind (including but not limited to swords,
staves, glaives, daggers, whips, knives, arrows, guns, darts, lasers,
projectiles of any description, any kind of torture implement, anything
involving electrodes, items of any sort with a sharp edge, blackjacks, coshes,
or any sort of blunt instrument including a dragon), magical items of any kind
(including but not limited to staves, wands, gems, jewelry, wards, rings,
talismans, and enchanted objects), poison (fatal and/or painful to student’s
species), restraint devices of any kind (even if they are fuzzy), bad
pornography, a pet or pets (magical or otherwise), a significant other, a
family member, a friend, a casual acquaintance, an employee, any other sentient
or non-sentient living being, or a computer.
“No food?!” Maureen squealed. “They’d better
have chocolate there!” It took her some time to pull her bottle of aspirin and
bag of chocolates out of her backpack (they had, in the way of all things being
sought for, made their way to the bottom of the bag and hid there). By the time
she was finally packed, it was almost time to go.
By this point,
Maureen had almost convinced herself of the mysterious, really hot guy behind
the strange e-mail. A small piece of her whispered that things like that didn’t
really happen, and when they did they were called ‘stalking’, but it was
overruled by the much larger part of her devoted to daydreams. So she was in
for a surprise when, precisely sixty minutes after she had sent in her
application, a calm, definitely female voice said from behind her,
“Maureen Gregg?
Your transport is here.”
“Kyah!!” Maureen
spun around to come face to face with a smiling young woman in a dark blue
uniform. At least, Maureen thought she was a young woman. The ash-blonde hair
under her stewardess cap was a bit wilder than hair usually got, and the hand
that brushed it back out of her eyes looked disturbingly…feathery. On second
thought, Maureen was probably just imagining things. “Who’re you?”
“I’m Windy, as
you ought to know,” said the young woman. Then again, maybe Maureen wasn’t
imagining things. “But of course, if you knew who I was you would not be here
now. Bring your luggage and booklist and step this way, please. You will be
pleased to learn that the Official Fanfiction University of Tomoeda has been
able to obtain a number of valuable Narnian Timestop Portals, the use of which
means that you will be returned to this room at the exact time you left. Now
step through here, and you will be in your dormitory.”
Maureen just
stared. Windy’s voice grew sharper. “Well, move along! I have to get everyone
for my tower this evening, and wind can only travel so fast. Idiot Fiery,” she
muttered, “getting the half-empty tower…”
“Um, right,” said
Maureen, picking up her backpack. “I just go through this weird swirly thing?”
“That’s right,”
said Windy absently. “And be quick about it, can’t you?”
Maureen did as
she was told and stepped through the portal. She had a moment’s vague sense of
cold, grey walls and stone beneath her feet before her vision went black and
she collapsed.
* * *
In a
not-tpp-distant elsewhere, a fire crackled merrily on the hearth as Miss Cygna,
OFUTomoeda Course Coordinator and seriously disturbed person, relaxed on her
favorite couch and hummed a merry tune. The words were slightly less than
cheerful, but she seemed to disagree.
“Sue-girls
scream, are you list’ning? And the ca-non is glist’ning. A beautiful sight,
we’re happy tonight, slaying in a canon wonderland.”
“Miss Cygna?”
Touya said from his chair in the corner, where he was putting the final touches
on a lesson plan.
“Yes?”
“Please shut up.”
There was silence
for a few minutes, broken only by the sound of Meiling in the smallish training
room, probably ruining another punching bag, and then the door opened and a
small coven of witches (and, indeed, other magic users) staggered in.
Kero and Spinel
curled up with identical happy sighs on the rug in front of the fire and
promptly fell asleep. The other two Guardians, both looking somewhat the worse
for where and, especially in Yue’s case, uncomfortably close to translucent,
both made for Touya’s chair. Touya caught Yue when he stumbled, but Ruby Moon
was not so lucky.
“Ow! Touyaaaaaa!!”
The human
magicians were almost as exhausted. Sakura was being half-carried by Tomoyo,
who had come along to film the magic. Syaoran looked as though he would have
liked to collapse on the floor, but his mother’s hand on his shoulder kept him
standing. Of them all, Yelan looked the most stable. She was certainly better
off than Eriol and Kaho, who staggered to a sofa and fell more than sat down on
it, or Fujitaka, who seemed to be sleepwalking. On the other hand, Fujitaka had
a concerned, ghostly wife fluttering around his head and drawing a chair up for
him to sit in, so possibly he was better off. His and Eriol’s mutual
preincarnation still had enough energy to toss a small black box at Miss Cygna
before joining the feline Guardians on the hearthrug. Clow could be very
annoying like that.
Miss Cygna caught
the box, which was about the size of a graphing calculator, with some
difficulty. She ran her hand over it lovingly. “Wonderful…You finished the
levitation?”
“Yes,” Yelan
answered. “It took slightly less effort than expected. The Cards were of help.”
“Of course they
were,” muttered Clow sleepily. “That’s what I made them for. Float’s a good
boy, he is.”
Miss Cygna
ignored him. She was busy gloating over the black device with ill-concealed
malice. “At last, Cygna’s Moving Castle is open for business! Mwahahahah!”
“Um,
Cygna-sensei?” Chiharu said, sticking her head in the door. “Yamazaki-kun said
to tell you that the DICE are mostly trained, but the minis are getting
restless. He also said to tell you that it used to be a requirement in Islamic
art that any depiction of a living being have wings to make it holy, which is
where the stories of so many winged creatures came from, but I wouldn’t listen
to him if I were you.”
“Grand,” said
Miss Cygna. “Tell him to put them to sleep and then get some sleep himself.
Someone has to meet the rest of the Uncanon staff in the morning, and it’s not
going to be any of this lot. We’ll be lucky to get them up in time for
Orientation.”
“What if the
students wake up before then?” asked Chiharu.
“Sleep-san agreed
to make sure they don’t,” said Tomoyo. “Come along, Sakura-chan; you need your
rest.”
One by one and
two by two, the tired Canon characters left the room (all except for Kero and
Spinel, who were still asleep by the fire). When the last of them was gone,
Miss Cygna stood in the middle of the room and grinned an evil grin.
“I hereby declare
the Official Fanfiction University of Tomoeda to be open,” she said with glee.
In accordance
with the Multiversal Laws of Narrative, the lights slowly faded to pitch black.
The string of multilingual curses as the OFUT Course Coordinator stumbled over
various articles of furniture on her way to the door was not in accordance with
said laws, however.
End of Chapter One
Notes on Homages,
Acknowledgments, and Outright Thefts (or, don’t read this if you don’t want to
be told what all my references were to):
There is no such
author on fanfiction.net as “Syaosgurl”, as of publication. If this is your
username, please notify me and I’ll see if I can work something out.
For “pheasant”
read “peasant”, throughout. Thank you, 1066 and All That. I mention this
in preference to various other literary references, because it could do with
more mentioning.
The Narnian
Timestop Portals belong to C.S. Lewis, though I don’t think he’d notice if I
borrowed them, with all that spinning the poor man’s been doing lately.
The original of
Cygna’s Moving Castle belongs to Diana Wynne Jones, and I liked the book better
than the Miyazaki film. So there.
Deepest thanks to
Miss Cam for allowing me to write this spinoff.
Registration is
open! The link can be found on the OFUT main page.