Watching the warden breathe his last, Chris didn't feel anything. Even the
constant thrum of hate and anger that had been his companion every waking hour
in this hellhole of a prison had ebbed away, leaving a dull kind of pain and
emptiness. Mechanically, he walked past the warden's body towards the collection
of wooden shacks that made up the prison offices and bunkhouses. The quiet of
the night seemed to press in on him after the insistent sound of gunfire that
had welcomed his escape. He wasn't surprised to see a familiar figure walking
cautiously out of the darkness towards him.
"Chris?" Vin said, his gaze searching the gloom that wasn't quite
illuminated by the weak oil lamps that dangled precariously from the high prison
fence behind. "You all right? Where's the sheriff?"
"Dead," Chris replied, his voice sounding as flat and unforgiving
as the night itself. "Warden too."
Vin nodded. "Reckon they had it coming."
Chris just kept on walking, brushing past Vin who eased into step beside him,
warm and close.
"Some of these men ain't supposed to be here," Chris spoke again in
that oddly flat tone while watching another two familiar figures approach them.
"Like you, we know," Vin said softly. "We were planning on
getting them out too."
"Right after we got you, big dog!" Buck called, stepping forwards
to envelop Chris in an all-consuming hug. "Good to see you in one
piece," he said by Chris' ear, his voice deep with relief, his embrace
completely undeterred by its lack of response. Just as Chris felt that cold
emptiness within him begin to warm, Buck moved away with a grin and a nod.
"Next time you go wandering off, try to staying out of trouble or you'll
have us all worrying over you like Mary Travis."
Rousing up some kind of half-smile from somewhere for Buck's bright gaze,
Chris nodded back before turning to Vin. "The records are all in the
warden's office."
"We know," Ezra spoke from behind Buck but made no move to come
forwards. "Josiah's seeking them out as we speak while JD and a Mr Phillips
secure the guards and a Doctor Simmons attends to the injured. Indeed, it seems
our work here is almost done, gentleman."
"Almost," Vin agreed, "'Cept I reckon you'll be needing a good
meal, a hot bath and a few hours sleep before we set out come morning,
Chris."
"And I know just the place," Ezra said, stepping forwards with a
grin. "This way, Mr Larabee."
* * * *
The warden's rooms still stunk of the bastard who had lived there. Standing
just inside the open doorway, Chris watched Ezra stride through into the back
bedroom oblivious to the heavy stench of fear, hate and smug superiority that
hung in the air. After a few moments of rustling around in the bedroom, Ezra
came back into the main living room with an armful of blankets and sheets. Still
feeling a little disjointed from the world, Chris forced himself to close the
door before walking into the middle of the room to watch Ezra make up a bed on
the long, comfortable looking couch. How Ezra knew he would refuse to sleep in
that man's bed, Chris didn't know.
"Well, while my domestic skills leave much to be desired, I'm sure this
will do for now." Ezra finished smoothing down the sheets to face Chris
with a smile. "I'm afraid your evening's repast and suitably hot water may
be quite some time but the management--"
Ezra stopped talking as Chris began to strip, unceremoniously dumping his
filthy prison clothes on the floor and toeing out of his boots before going over
to sit naked on top of the bedclothes on the couch.
"Or, or, alternatively," Ezra said, blinking rapidly. "You can
always just sleep now and, and--"
"Whisky?" Chris meant to ask but it came out more as a guttural,
growling noise.
Unfazed, Ezra immediately reached under his coat and brought out his flask
then stepped forwards to hand it over.
Chris reached out to take the flask but instead of closing around the warm
silver, his hand chose to close around Ezra's fingers instead. "I killed
those men," he said into Ezra's wide green eyes. "They hurt me and I
killed them."
Without trying to withdraw, Ezra answered ruefully, "I doubt the masses
will mourn their demise." He drew breath to go on but stopped when Chris'
grip tightened on his fingers.
"It wasn't them; it was me," he said low, but saw only confusion in
Ezra's steady gaze.
Seconds staggered by.
Chris released Ezra's fingers and pulled the flask up to his mouth for a long
swallow of whisky. He must have closed his eyes at some point because he opened
them to the feel of Ezra's body settling on the couch beside him. Wordlessly, he
handed the flask back and listened while Ezra took a small drink before tucking
it away.
"I don't think anyone blames you for what you did and, quite frankly,
we're just relieved to have you back in your entirety," Ezra said quietly.
"Entirety?" Chris echoed, a mockery of a smile twisting his lips.
"Relatively unharmed then?" Ezra offered in response.
Chris scowled at the floor. "Back when my family died, I went dead
inside," he said dully. "I shot men dead on the street just because
they called me out. I could have let them live but I didn't care about them or
anything else." He paused for a moment, searching for the words. "I
thought that part of me had gone, but it hasn't." He met Ezra's gaze again.
"I thought I'd changed but that ain't true."
Ezra frowned, considering. "Tell me, Chris, did you ever gun down any
poor, defenceless souls who weren't trying to kill you first?"
"That ain't the point."
"On the contrary, that's exactly the point," Ezra retorted.
"They made their choice and you made yours."
"It wasn't a choice." Chris turned his attention back to the floor.
"When I feel that way inside, there ain't no choices for anyone."
Ezra made a slight movement that may have been a shrug. "If you look
long enough into the abyss, eventually the abyss will look into you, but the
trick is not to stare and you don't, Chris. You're a good man," he said
with a light kiss on Chris' shoulder. "Who can say who deserves to die but
I'd rather it was them than you. It seems we'll just have to try a little harder
to keep you away from the edge."
"Won't be easy," Chris returned low, facing Ezra once more.
Smiling, Ezra leaned forward to kiss him softly on the lips. "I think
we're up to the challenge."