I don't hate them. Let's get that straight right now. They are just very......annoying. They have only been married for a little over a month. He lives in Seattle where he just started a new job. She lives in Pullman (clear across the state) where she is finishing college. They will be in this situation for about a year at the least. So they are spending his first weekend he could fly over here with us. I have no right to say, "NO! Stay the fuck away until you aren't going to be humping all the damn time!" because we live at my fiance's parents house. We just finished our Bachelors degrees and before we go to grad school, we are saving some money. So his parents offered living with them rent-free. It's very cool but also very awful. Anyway, that's why I'm in the situation of having only a wall between my bedroom and the bedroom of two cheesy newlyweds that haven't seen each other in a few weeks and generally have no regard for other people anyway. It's going to be a long weekend.
Here's another fact that I'm told is very amusing to other people but really an irritation to me. Loud and Clown kept coming up for wedding planning before they got married. They were here almost every weekend for a few months. Every time they were here, it seemed like whenever I went to use the bathroom, the toilet was clogged. Fiance had the same problem. Fiance and I talked about it for weeks and could not figure out if it was Loud or Clown. We kept a plunger right next to the toilet as a hint. The toilet remained clogged. I unclogged it at least once when they visited, Fiance would at least once and Pooh (my future mother-in-law) would also unclog it at least once. I was getting irate after about a month and a half. Fiance finally talked to his parents and found out who the Phantom Duker was. Clown is a VERY big guy. He's about 6ft 6in tall. He's not especially big around or anything but he's pretty proportional to his height. Apparently this is not the case with his anus which must be the size of approximately a soft ball because he can't help but shit huge and clog the toilet every time. So my next question was, "So why doesn't he use the plunger?" Pooh says it's because he tries and just can't get it unclogged. I call bullshit on that one. I've gone in there and the thing hasn't moved at all, I checked because I'm petty like that. Me: "So let me get this straight....this big guy, a guy big enough that he clogs the toilet every time he uses it isn't strong enough to plunge his own shit...but you, a rather small woman and me, a rather average-sized woman are able to do just that." Pooh: "I guess." Me: "Has he ever heard of a courtesy flush?! I leave in a huff. Like I said, I'm petty, so I start refusing to plunge it and just use the other bathroom. It's the weekend of the wedding and everyone is gone but me, Clown, and his friend. I go to use the loo and, surprise surprise, it's clogged. So I use the other loo in Pooh and Quincy's room. I come back several hours later, confident that my plan has succeeded and he was finally forced to plunge his own shit. But alas...he has just laid another one on top of it and overflowed the toilet and left it like that. Fiance had to stop me from buying him a whisk for a wedding present that said on the tag: 'Break it up before you flush for the love of god. You're not in the dorms anymore with those toilets that are strong enough to suck down a small dog.' Maybe I'M the wierd one. Personally, I think it would be much more embarrassing to leave butt mud in the toilet for your in-laws to see than to either ask for a plunger or for everyone to hear that you're using it.
They haven't been back since the wedding. Ahh, I hear car doors, time to go stand outside with a roast.........