The Cyclist’s Prayer

 

Lord, I am a cyclist.

Hear me pray.

 

I am just a lowly cyclist

I have freakishly big legs and no chest

But Lord please hear my prayer

I have a few requests

 

Let us pray

 

I.          O Lord give me fitness

For getting up the hills

I don’t know why I haven’t gotten faster

With my new bike, heart monitor and magic pills

I know what need to work on

It’s my sprinting, (and climbing, flats and downhills), I hear

I promise I’ll start training

I promise, for sure, next year

 

Let us pray

 

II.          O Lord grant me harmony

With my significant other

Those personal relationships

can really be quite a bother

while I understand the problem

it should never interfere

with what we all know is important:

riding, racing, and gear.

(For us single people:

Lord find me a  (chick/guy) who rides

Who is hot, and faster than my ex

Or at least someone who’ll let me take off riding

And come back and still get sex)

 

Let us pray

 

III.         O Lord give me definition

In my calves and in my thighs

And grant me clearer vision

When lactic acid clouds my eyes

And for my eyes give me shades

That I wear even in dark weather

I give me lots of clingy lycra

(In fluorescent euro colours, I think it makes my butt look better)

 

Let us pray

 

IV.        O Lord give me titanium

For the lightness that it brings

And carbon fiber, and 11 cogs

And new suspension fork springs

And disc brakes, and custom wheels

And two hundred dollar chainrings

And see me through my bankruptcy

When I buy too many things

 

Let us pray

 

V.        And in conclusion, Lord please forgive me

When I’m dropped off the back or sucking wheel

Or when I crash in a stupid way

Like when I had that banana I was trying to peel

Or when I block people in the singletrack

(Is all that cursing for real?)

I’m trying. I’m getting better.

 

Now hurry up and give me a new bike.

Copyright 2001, The Cycling Source