I Need a Homo (parody of I Need A Hero)

Where have all the gay men gone,
And where are all the bia's?
Where's the real camp Julian Clarey?
He's so camp I could cry,
Isn't there a law against gay sex under 16?
For gay boy's not to have sex, don't you think that's a bit mean? They say,

Chorus:
I need a homo,
I really need a homo if the price is right,
He's gotta be queer, and he's gotta be camp,
And he's gotta be not quite right,
I need a homo,
I really need a homo who wear girl's clothes at night,
He's gotta be bent, and he's gotta be a puff,
And he's gotta be gay, alright?

Sometimes after midnight,
These urges come to me,
Then I realise I am straight,
I don't really like men you see,
Thinking of the girls now and not some guy named Pete,
There's no way a real queer man could sweep me off my feet,
Chorus

I'm at a club now just sitting at the bar,
Out there on the dance floor causally,
I would swear that there's a bloke over there,
Watching me,
Through the back of my trousers and my pants,
I can feel someone's hand,
I can feel his small squeeze,
And then he starts to say,
Chorus