| SOMETHING TO OFFEND EVERYONE What do you call two Mexicans playing basketball? Juan on Juan. What is the difference between a Harley and a Hoover? The position of the dirt bag. Why is divorce so expensive? Because it's worth it. What do you see when the Pillsbury Dough Boy bends over? Doughnuts. Why is Chelsea Clinton so homely? Because Janet Reno is her real father. What do you get when you put 50 lesbians and 50 politicians in a room together? 100 people who don't do dick. SOMETHING TO OFFEND EVERYONE PART II (JUST WARMING UP!) What do you call a smart blonde? A golden retriever. What do attorneys use for birth control? Their personalities. What's the difference between a girlfriend and wife? 45 lbs. What's the difference between a boyfriend and husband? 45 minutes. How many women does it take to change a light bulb? None, they just sit there in the dark and bitch. What's the fastest way to a man's heart? Through his chest with a sharp knife. Why is it so hard for women to find men who are sensitive, caring, and good-looking? Because those men already have boyfriends. What's the difference between a new husband and a new dog? After a year, the dog is still excited to see you. What makes men chase women they have no intention of marrying? The same urge that makes dogs chase cars they have no intention of driving. |
 |