one_canadian

TRUE MONOLOGUE

1 "Ridge Hall computer assistance; may I help you?"
2 "Yes, well, I'm having trouble with WordPerfect."
1 "What sort of trouble?"
2 "Well, I was just typing along, and all of a sudden the words went away."
1 "Went away?"
2 "They disappeared."
1 "Hmm. So what does your screen look like now?"
2 "Nothing."
1 "Nothing?"
2 "It's blank; it won't accept anything when I type."
1 "Are you still in WordPerfect, or did you get out?"
2 "How can I tell?"
1 "Can you see the C: prompt on the screen?"
2 "What's a sea prompt?"
1 "Never mind, can you move the cursor around the screen?"
2 "There isn't any cursor; I told you, it won't accept anything I type."
1 "Does your monitor have a power indicator?"
2 "What's a monitor?"
1 "It's the thing with a screen on it that looks like at TV. Does it have a little light that tells you when it's on?"
2 "I don't know."
1 "Well, then look on the back of the monitor and find where the power cord goes into it. Can you see that?"
2 "Yes, I think so."
1 "Great. Follow the cord to the plug, and tell me if it's plugged into the wall."
2 "Yes, it is."
1 "When you were behind the monitor, did you notice that there were two cables plugged into the back of it, not just one?"
2 "No."
1 "Well, there are. I need you to look back there again and find the other cable."
2 "Okay, here it is."
1 "Follow it for me, and tell me if it's plugged securely into the back of your computer."
2 "I can't reach."
1 "Uh huh. Well, can you see if it is?"
2 "No."
1 "Even if you maybe put your knee on something and lean way over?"
2 "Oh, it's not because I don't have the right angle - it's because it's dark."
1 "Dark?"
2 "Yes, the office light is off, and the only light I have is coming in from the window."
1 "Well, turn on the office light then."
2 "I can't."
1 "No? Why not?"
2 "Because there's a power failure."
1 "A power...A power failure? Aha, Okay, we've got it licked now. Do you still have the boxes and manuals and
packing stuff your computer came in?"
2 "Well, yes, I keep them in the closet."
1 "Good. Go get them, and unplug your system and pack it up just like it was when you got it. Then take it back to the
store you bought it from."
2 "Really? Is it that bad?"
1 "Yes, I'm afraid it is."
2 "Well, all right then, I suppose. What do I tell them?"
1 "Tell them you're too stupid to own a computer."