i should further explain the winona thing. why yes sir, theres certainly an element of foolery about it - since i'm unlikely to meet ms ryder and anyway i've got no idea what shes like offscreen; but the fact remains that she is WAS special to me.
as a kid i never had really had any interest in pin-ups or sexy ladies or "whoever" off the tv. didn't have grubby boy conversations about that stuff and kind of developed defences to avoid embarassment over "gurls" etc. later when i was about 16-18 i more-or-less avoided "lookin' for ladees" (celebrity or otherwise) because i was so disgusted by typical male treatment of girls. i was genuinely ashamed of having a dick and had notions of sterilisation or castration. i think that this actually helped me get on better with female friends because i think maybe they could sense i wasn't a threat to them and that i wasn't interested in the contents of their trousers/skirts/blah. one imagines that it gave one an air of mystique, of being unattainable; whereas now i think people reckon i'm just weird... a n y h o o later again, when i was 18-20 (?), i took a slight interest in cool ladees from the wold of music and film and that was that. i was in love with winona. i kind of had this very stereotypical schoolgirl deal as far as my relationship with winona (can't really think of anyone else) went. if i saw her speaking and her face moving i would (probably still will) get a funny feeling in my stomach and also something i can only describe as "legs turning to jelly" sensations. la la la. so there. thats why winona laura is special (WAS special). she was, to use the appropriate terminology, "dreamy". and thats why my head suddenly deciding to end our non-affair is of immense importance. i mean no disrespect to various people i have...er..loved (?), but if i can no longer swoon over a distant celebrity, what chance has a fallible, selfish human got?
thus i can now announce i am stepping out of the running for "your soulmate 2003" and onwards. sure, i'll see heathers again and think special things of old winnie (nonie), and if i ever bump into a couple of people from my past, i'm sure the same thing will happen. (they know who they are.....i guess i should name (shame?) them since i'm trying to be honest, sooooooooo they are "x" and "y".) but, BUT, the "lookin' for lurve" switch in my brain has been set to "N O", not clear exactly how, but nevertheless its a big "N O". and thats that. i therefore apologise to all the people of the world for ruining their hopes of a "r-e-l-a-t-i-o-n-s-h-i-p" with me, and accept the frenzied thanks of partners across same sphere for removing the greatest danger to their eternal love. enjoy it. fucks.
oh yes sir, i still feel the urge to fuck things and la la la, but the line has been crossed; and anyway, i imagine the first 27 years of celibacy/chastity are the worst.... for a while i turned my attention to princess yorda, from the game ico....pretty, enchanting and on top of that not a real person. very eligible. ladee from resident evil nemesis gets a look in too.
i suck.