 |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
 |
|
|
|
Thoughts |
|
|
|
|
|
Home |
|
2005 |
|
|
|
|
|
This page is the continuation of my old high school one. |
|
|
|
Well guess it's time to kick off a new page. Today I want to talk a little bit about betrayal. With me and my personality types alike, trust people fully. Now, this doesn't go for everyone of course, but in a friendship big news is expected to be shared. Of course if it shouldn't be spread all over that is one thing we can all understand. When there is a big thing in my friends life I almost expect to be let in on it I guess because I'm in the "club". Having to read it on an internet site gets to me. I can't say it's betrayal cause it's not like we had an agreement...yet I do feel betrayed. in my head, everything "worked for" is gone..there is nothing left as of now. I can't see the future of course, all of you who have read my other posts know that I wish I could. We haven't spoke in a week..if you want me to go away tell me so..don't just disappear and hope I forget. I'm not some cat or dog that doesn't know any better. It will hurt more in the end because I will never forget and if we come across each other in the future I will just ignore you because you will be nothing to me just a small event, dirt that is on a beach.
On a different note, for my auto class I built 3 models; 1999 F-150 Lightning that got nothing, 1966 Mustang fastback that got second place, and For John Dana I built a 2001 Saleen Series 1 that got 3rd place. I'm giving Lacy the mustang because it was her model in the first place but not only that, I want it to be a reminder of our friendship because I don't have much to give back to her and it was because of her I placed 2nd. |
|
|
May 15, 2005 |
|
|
|
|
|
|
Well this is the time of year for everyone when they're running around trying to get stuff done before the end of the school year. I was thinking about this last night and I've come up with a visual picture, "It's like your under water, and you don't know which way is up so you stick your arms out but there isn't anything to grab on to." |
|
|
May 16, 2005 |
|
|
|
|
|
|
Wow this is cool, this entry marks one year since this site was born.
Well today was a normal day, on thursday is my last auto class..yay. I really enjoyed that class but bu the time I got to it I have been tired. So that'll leave 2 more classes. Also on thursday I have advance tickets to see Star Wars III with Ken,Jason and my sister. Last week Lacy told me that she's coming back to SD..I'm not sure how I feel about that. It's like we have a better friendship over the phone. I truly didn't feel she was gone since I never saw her to much anyway, just some phone calls once a week. |
|
|
May 17, 2005 |
|
|
|
|
|
|
Nothing to much to report. Jason and I went down to PB today to chill. Tommorrow is my last day of auto!!!!!! kinda a shame really. I'm going to have to say good bye to some people...forever. |
|
|
May 18, 2005 |
|
|
|
|
|
|
I saw Star Wars III today, it was as expected. I knew the story going into it but it was done nicely. My sister showed up in her jedi clothes with lightsaber. I also took my auto final at 2, it seemed to go well I knew 90% of the test and finished quickly. It'll be the last time I'll be in the same class with rachel ever again..and that's ok with me. |
|
|
May 19, 2005 |
|
|
|
|
|
|
Today was quite a day, my sister had her party got over $1500 in money alone. Oh well, rachel IMed me and we talked. Rachel your the type of friend I've been looking for. Jason came to the party he seemed to like it, he also had big news..he got a van!!!!! Go Jason!!!!
|
|
|
May 21, 2005 |
|
|
|
|
|
|
Today was the SDSU graduation..I thought it would take about 5 hours but it only took 2..so I'm happy. |
|
|
May 22, 2005 |
|
|
|
|
|
|
Today was relaxed, went to Yogurt Mill for the first time since Lacy left. I setup an interview for a job on the 25th. Tommorrow are my finals, wish me luck. |
|
|
May 23, 2005 |
|
|
|
|
|
|
Well today I got a job at a campground in PB. Pay seems good enough. Today was a good day, went down to the junkyards in the morning then got the job. You know I don't want to argue with people about what I put on this page..if you don't think you'll like what you will read then don't look. I'm going to try to track down Jason tomorrow. |
|
|
May 25, 2005 |
|
|
|
|
|
|
Well today was kinda a nice day, one of those deep blue sky south CA days. Went to church at 10:30 then headed up to Julian for lunch. After that we went to a vinyard just north of julian for a car show..was some nice things there spent about 15 min then left. I was subjected to an old John Denver tape from the 80's. one thing is for certain when your not driving and your trying to block out john denver you have some serious time to think. I can't post a lot of it on here(being a public board). Do you have a good soul? Most people would say "yes of course" right away, but when you stop to examine it, it isn't as clean as you once thought is it? Now I'm not saying cause your soul isn't shiny that your a horrible person. It's just seems good to know where you stand. I have a lot ahead of me in these days, maybe not as much as others..but it seems like a lot.
Yesterday I helpped the Ordways clean out their garage..you would not believe what they have in there...you could disappear for days..I need a G.P.S. |
|
|
May 29, 2005 |
|
|
|
|
|
|
You know, one thing I hate is that I'm tough on my friends, they can be the greatest people in the world then the next day be asses. So what did they do to be considered that way??..nothing, just my friends. I don't have many friends, I guess cause it's so hard to be a friend of mine..I can go from calling evryone and hangout with a different person everyday to pushing people away cause ...for no good reason. I don't understand it at all..I mean when rachel said that she is going to Art institute instead of a school in grossmont I was almost mad at her...but why?? A.I. is a good school, I fully believe that. but I'm not mad or anything her choice good school. One thing about my friends..I trust them..all of them with my life..if it came to that. |
|
|
July 6, 2005 |
|
|
|
|
|
|
My dad got a new cell tonight..it seems nice enough. It's been a little dark lately..it seems like there is no reason why it should be..just is...I suppose it's cause I choose to.. eh, I'm talking to Rachel about remodeling my site and it's getting in my way of writing this!!!!..anyway, I like to watch this show in the mornings called "Starting Over", basicly it's 5 women living in the one house that go through counciling and do little tasks/projects that help them recover from the thing that's bothering them. It's a total chick thing, but I find it interesting seeing people recover. but it also makes me think about myself and my internal struggles. Now lots of you are going to question that I have internal struggles, but the thing about them is that it's logic vs. action. I know something is the right thing to do, but I can't bring myself to do it...it's like part of me is grown up but the other part is this lazy thing that usually wins..I see it as a fight I will have to have all my life. |
|
|
July 13, 2005 |
|
|
|
|
|
|
I am at the point that death seems to be better than living. I live in a state of torture, everyday I wake up I curse that I am still here. no one seems to care, no one can help, no one knows. I have written my will, my last words, but who will care. My life has become a waste or so it seems. I for the most part am incapable of taking my life. The question remains will I make it home when I'm out driving..who will care like I need them to. who will help me up. I am flat on my back with no where to go, who will pick me up. The answer to this as I have come to know is, no one. either I have to get up or I can lay there until I die. Do I want to continue, why do I. |
|
|
Nov. 2005 |
|
|
|
|