| 1 | Never get married. | |
| 2 | Any color except red for a jedi is acceptable | |
| 3 | Lightsabres and water do not mix. | |
| 4 | Never forget rule #3 | |
| 5 | Let the wookie win | |
| 6 | No Jedi shall knowingly speak to a Sith. This rule supersedes #0005. Killing is the recommended course of action. | |
| 6.1 | Even when information is desired, still, no Jedi shall knowingly speak to a Sith. Killing is the recommended course of action. | |
| 6.1 | Endorsement deals are forbidden to anyone BUT Taco Bell, KFC, Pizza Hut, and Pepsi. | |
| 6.2 | Never seduce a Sith to the light side. Killing is the recommended course of action. | |
| 7 | No cutting hair with lightsabers. | |
| 8 | Jedi should do their best to be stoic and emotionless at all times. | |
| 9 | Initiates must use caution when building lightsabers. No turbo sabers! (Jedi Tim Taylor's Rule) | |
| 10 | The Council's decision is always final. It is unacceptable to confuse them with the facts. | |
| 11 | Leave Light on at all times, no Dark allowed. | |
| 12 | it is absolutly forbidin for any Jedi to detect a powerful darkside presence working within their own government. | |
| 13 | There is no merchandising, there is poverty. | |
| 14 | Use Yoda speak only behind his back. | |
| 15 | Never run with the lightsabre ingnighted. | |
| 16 | Never let padawans go home to visit their mothers. Better yet, get them so young they never know they have a mother. | |
| 17 | When freeing people from slavery, only one slave may be freed per ten year period per jedi. | |
| 18 | The bad guy who is really kicking your butt isn't the enemy boss. It's the old guy that nobody suspects. | |
| 18.1 | The old guy that nobody suspects is also a crazy old wizard who can shoot lightning. Be mindful. | |
| 19 | Any jedi guilty of breaking any of the following rules will be given dinner for two, and tickets to a show. | |
| 20 | Always make a grand entrance | |
| 21 | Force using food fights allowed in cafeteria. | |
| 22 | Never use lightsaber to melt doors, as said lightsaber could overheat | |
| 23 | Never use your light saber as a sizzle stick while it is on. | |
| 24 | The Council Chamber is a great place to roller blade. | |
| 25 | No Jedi (weither Living or not) may speak in plain Standard. All Jedi must answer questions with questions. If a Straight answer is required, refer to 'Point of View' Speech. | |
| 26 | No Jedi (Living or Not) must at any time change the Color of the Robes that are Worn. ( for all the Continuity Laywers out there) | |
| 27 | Always turn off your lightsaber before tucking it into your pants. | |
| 27.5 | When first seeing a Sith Lord Defenseless, Don't have the army of 30 security guards shoot them, shoo away the security, and wait until the Sith Lord has pulled out his lightsaber before attacking. | |
| 28 | There is no other color, there is only brown. | |
| 29 | Dress casual for any occasion; even potentially fatal battles | |
| 30 | Always have a witty comment at your disposal | |
| 31 | Jedi shall support peace and unity in the galaxy, especially by promoting dialogue. | |
| 32 | Jedi respect life in any form - with the possible exception of Maul rats. | |
| 33 | Always put on clean underwear before leaving the jedi temple | |
| 34 | Always put the seat on the toilet down after you are through | |
| 35 | No jedi may park in the parking spot of any council member. Any jedi caught doing so will be forced to listen to the complete 137 volume Roseanne Sings Opera collection. Any padawan caught doing it will also be forced to watch Richard Simmons videos for a period of no less than 36 hours. | |
| 50 | A sense of humour is strictly forbidden. A Jedi must have the most serious mind. | |
| 101 | It is forbidden to spit polish a Jedi Master's Head. | |
| 102 | It is forbidden to ask Jedi Masters to quote movies. | |
| 103 | It is forbidden to speculate whether a Jedi Master is a Sith Lord in disguise based on his or her choice of lightsaber. (That INCLUDES Adi Gallia) | |
| 104 | The Jedi Mind Trick should not be used all the time, only when it's convenient. | |
| 123 | No smoking | |
| 123.24 | Unless you have successfully mastered the Jedi skill of lighting a cigarette with your lightsabre while standing on your head and reciting "Auld Lang Syne" in Huttese | |
| 134 | No Jedi shall question the will of the Council. The will of the Council is the will of the Force. (That should be enough for you, young padawans.) | |
| 135 | No Jedi shall question the dictates of the Council, even when such dictates conflict with Jedi regulation, prophecy, or tradition. | |
| 136 | No Jedi shall expose the ignorance of the Council. | |
| 200 | When entertaining guests at the Naboo palace, It is polite to kick your unwashed, stanky, Darth Vader underoos under the bed before guests arrive. | |
| 202 | Always obey your master. Unless an evil overlord has set a trap to capture you, using your best friends as bait. Then feel free to blow off your master and walk right in. | |
| 217 | Never travel the Guntland Wastes lightly; carry a lot of luggage. | |
| 300 | Scam as many people as possible as much as possible. But keep it fair. | |
| 313 | Don't boast about how high your Midichlorian count is with other jedi | |
| 322 | Force constipation is banned, and anyone found to have used or is using it will be inflicted with the equally hideous and also illegalb force diarhea. | |
| 331.1 | every jedi must obtain at least one prickly or otherwise suboptimal sidekick in the course of his/her/its mission. Failure to meet this requirement will result in compiling corrupt icons, repairable only through those useful but irritating debugging applications commonly known as the "skywalker" subroutines. kida is specifically exempted from this rule. - kayla> | |
| 364 | Jedi clothing must be in shades of brown, beige and white and make no concessions whatsoever to style or elegance." | |
| 376 | Make sure every Jedi sees this book! UP!!! | |
| 396 | Carry cash, not Republic credits. | |
| 421 | If anyone asks, your "accent" is REAL. | |
| 433 | Stretching before grueling athletic lightsaber duels will not be necessary- no matter how much you fight. I guess the muscles of a Jedi are never sore. | |
| 444 | No Padawan may confuse Master Yoda by speaking pig-Latin. | |
| 581 | Only Yoda and the Councillors sitting to his right and left are permitted to speak when outsiders are present in the Council Chamber | |
| 583 | When in dount use philosophical jargon | |
| 584 | Be mindful | |
| 585 | "Size matters not" is a philosophy, not a pick up line | |
| 586 | They're is NNNOOO rule 586 | |
| 606 | If a creature annoys you, it is acceptable to sever a limb | |
| 677 | It's OK to tell a women her son is the Chosen One as a ploy to get her into the sack. | |
| 712 | Live alone. | |
| 732 | Just in case it is poisoned, always have your padawan drink the tea first. | |
| 747 | No Jedi shall leave a child unattended in a cockpit,especially in the heat of a battle,as said child may inadvertantly save the day and leave egg on Jedi's face. | |
| 777 | No Padawan shall play with his Light-sabre while alone as this may lead to blindness. | |
| 800 | Do not refer to Yaddle as "Yoda on the rag". | |
| 801 | Do not tease zabraks about their tattoos or make rude remarks about how far they go. | |
| 802 | Do not try to use Mace's head for a crystal ball. | |
| 803 | Don't discourage your Master from picking up pathetic life forms, they may save your life later. | |
| 804 | Even when Yoda is wrong, Yoda Is Always Right. | |
| 815 | fear leads to anger, anger leads to hate, hate leads to sufferin, sufferin leads to bufferin, bufferin leads to anicin, anicin leads to Jennifer Aniston, Jennifer Aniston leads to Kevin Bacon...6 DEGREES OF KEVIN BACON...Now only Council members can play this game. | |
| 816 | I don't care if its long past it due by date!! The old farts that started this order know best. | |
| 817 | If you are a good guy and you're important to the storyline, don't worry- you're invincible. What about those Stormtroopers you say? I thought i told you not to worry? Note- if you're important and you have a dash in your name, sorry, you're not invincible. I probably should have mentioned this earlier... oops. | |
| 818 | If you are a Master and you are struck down in battle, AND you don't disappear, you must submit a written explaination in triplicate to the council within 48hrs of said non-disappearce. Failure to do so will leave your estate and/or padawan liable for all funeral pyre costs. | |
| 819 | If you don't have anything to do, just say: "I have a bad feeling about this." | |
| 822 | If you use the dark side and you wear lots of black, well, umm, sorry, but you're gonna get zapped, cut up, or thrown in some kind of pit. Or a combination thereof. But you'll kick butt up to that point. So have fun while it lasts. | |
| 830 | If your Padawan braid starts to bug you, just move it to the other side for a while. | |
| 861 | Only Yoda may ever use the words, "I Told You So.™" | |
| 862 | Padawans are not to pull each others braids or dip them in inkwells. Feathers, beading or other ornamentation is strictly forbidden. You are a Jedi you are not supposed to look cool! | |
| 863 | Palpy: whimp. | |
| 864 | Pathetic life forms not immediately useful for saving one's life may make good cannon fodder later on. | |
| 865 | Please use the bathroom before entering the Council Chambers. Testing and/or debriefing may take awhile... | |
| 866 | The Padawan Musical Theater will cease and desist. | |
| 870 | The Yoda series has been brought to you by Loophole Finders "R" Us, and by the letter Y. | |
| 871 | thy shall not slap yoda head | |
| 872 | Underwear is not needed under your jedi robes. | |
| 873 | unwritten rule: Make sure the Jedi look good at all times. | |
| 900 | "there's always a bigger fish" | |
| 901 | A Jedi uses his power only for defense; never to attack. However, it is okay to provoke your opponent into attacking you and then vanquishing him. | |
| 902 | -A jedi will not construct a red lightsaber | |
| 903 | -A jedi will not use his or her lightsaber as a flyswatter. | |
| 904 | -A jedi will not use his or her lightsaber as a letter opener. | |
| 905 | Absolutely no clemency. | |
| 906 | After swimming to an underwater city, remember to use your special force-drying power. Not only will it dry out your clothes and prevent you from becoming ill, it will also ensure that you look damn good. | |
| 907 | All apprentices who begin training after the age of 18 MUST whine relentlesly. | |
| 908 | All dark side users(or Jedi-turned-Sith)must have a one- or two-bladed red lightsaber. | |
| 909 | All Jedi must be gay, except for the ones who are product of immasculate birth. | |
| 910 | Always pay attention to JW's score. Your force abilities will be enhanced by your ability to interpret the mood of the music. Luke might never have realized that Leia was his sister had not JW qued him to the fact. | |
| 911 | Always wear your robes, even in the bath. | |
| 912 | At least once every two hours, a Jedi must "have a bad feeling" about something. i.e. the new fall lineup on any major network, Yoda after a Burrito Fiesta Platter, Ewoks lighting up their gaseous emissions, Jabba the Hutt on the high dive. | |
| 913 | Caveat: A jedi master is allowed to have long hair, but he WILL be considered an outcast and may be forced to turn over his key to the master's washroom. | |
| 914 | Do not leave hairballs on the floor. (oppo ransicisis or whatever must shed like crazy) | |
| 915 | Do not refer to Adi Gallia as "Squid Head". | |
| 916 | Do not refer to Ki-Adi Mundi as a conehead and ask him if he comes from france. | |
| 920 | Ignore all the speelllling mistakers | |
| 921 | In cases where you are the last remaining Jedi, you must wear only black, glossy fabrics and observe the absolute latest in badass style, form and grace. | |
| 922 | Jedi: Be Mindful | |
| 923 | Listen to Yoda, except when your friends are in danger. in that case, do whatever Yoda says NOT to do. | |
| 924 | Mind tricks never work when you want them to | |
| 925 | Never go against the Jedi Code | |
| 926 | Never let your apprentice be played by a guy named Leo (that means you, Kenobi) | |
| 940 | Never say, "Hey babe, want to come back to my hutt and ignite my lightsaber?" | |
| 941 | No inappropriate lightsaber jokes, such as "Wanna see my real lightsaber?" | |
| 942 | No jedi should attack a sith lord without proper protection. | |
| 943 | No jedi should slash robes with a light saber while in the middle of fight. | |
| 944 | No one shall perform "Three Little Maids From School" while wearing Jedi Robes. | |
| 945 | No one shall whistle "Bridge Over the River Kwai" before, after or during Jedi exams. (This means You, Kenobi!) | |
| 960 | No short jokes around yoda. | |
| 961 | Non-Jedi: Stop Drop and Role | |
| 962 | Of course the Jedi could not possibly be over-regulated. Regulators should never be able to remember all their own regulations. Standard Jedi procedure, that. | |
| 971 | When you "have a bad feeling" -- always proceed. | |
| 972 | When your padawan "has a bad feeling" -- proceed and correct his/her confusion. | |
| 973 | Y.I.A.R. (or, Yoda Is Always Right) | |
| 974 | Yoda, Mace Windu and Ki-Adi-Mundi are the only Jedi Council members that may speak in the Jedi Council Chamber. All other Jedi Council members may only sit and look concerned. | |
| 975 | You must NEVER EVER show your lightsaber to the laker girls... | |
| 999 | No Jedi shall be removed from the ranks of Jedi for disobedience,even if he talks | |
| 1041 | A jedi must always speak clearly and in perfect grammer. Only jedi with Midichlorine counts above 20K are exempt. | |
| 1137 | This number (1138) is the number of the beast and should be used were every humanily (jedily) possible. | |
| 1138 | There are always more than one rule #1138 | |
| 1138 | never use anger or rage to alongside the force, unless you're hanging in a pit beneath a sith lord, then it's completely acceptable. | |
| 1138 | A Jedi MAY use his power to leap 200 feet up to a catwalk, but may not run super-fast to save his or her master from a sith. | |
| 1138 | As a Jedi you can not use the Force to sell droids to Imperial Troopers, negotiate with a fat toad or buy spare parts from a silly alien. You can try, but it won't work. | |
| 1139 | In order to kill a sith, he or she must be thrown and/or dropped down a VERY deep hole in either a space ship or a palace. Abyss's with slide-like tubes at the bottom will not do. | |
| 1140 | When doing something really cool with the force, it helps to have THAT music playing in the background for effect. | |
| 1141 | Wear Jedi jock-straps | |
| 1185 | Remain stoically silent when falling down a chasm to your (presumed) death. Note - your editors may wish to add a girly, warbling scream - this is unseemly in a Jedi and should be resisted. | |
| 1203 | No matter how odd it is, obay whatever you master's last wish it is | |
| 1234 | get your body on the floor: | |
| 1245 | Never push the Chosen One into a pit of molten lava. This means you Kenobi! | |
| 1292 | Never, under any circumstances, switch the location your padawan braid, even if you think nobody is looking | |
| 1313 | Until you reach the status of Jedi Master, you must, as quickly as possible and as often as possible, twirl your lightsaber, even in the midst of battle or while being shot at. | |
| 1314 | Responding with a straight answer is unacceptable. You must use witty banter, especially when it is most inappropriate (refer to the "The negotiations WERE short" addendum in Rule #3827) | |
| 1315 | You must, under any and every circumstance, regardless of protocol, legality, morality, logistics or your Master's wishes, do whatever is necessary to further the movement of the plot. | |
| 1352 | Be mindful of the future; and make sure you thusly say that you "have got a bad feeling about this" frequently | |
| 1483 | Always eat plenty of carrots as Seeing glasses don't exist. | |
| 1745.2 | no jedi may ever learn to fly a spaceship, unless you are the chosen one or one of his offspring. | |
| 1832 | Don't say "Yippppppeeeeee!!!!!" | |
| 1919 | It is inappropriate for jedi to be judges at we t-shirt contests. | |
| 1920 | It is acceptable to be a "celebrity Judge" on a panel for a bikini contest. | |
| 1994 | Don't play sherades (sp) with another jedi on your team | |
| 2309 | A Jedi is dignified, noble and mystical. We leave Cool to the Sith. | |
| 2332.54 | If any Jedi should lose any body aprt in battle, that body part should be recovered immediatly, to avoid meeting up with a clone of oneself later on (this means you, Luke!) | |
| 2359 | If anyone asks, the answer is "Midichlorians" | |
| 2387 | The bad guy might have a cooler weapon than you do. However, it is considered inappropriate for you to approach him and admire it or ask how he made it. | |
| 2595 | Always go against what a senior Jedi Master tells you to. | |
| 2873 | Always allow the Sith lord to have the cooler lines, or you will die. | |
| 2892 | Jedi are to treat planetary rulers with respect at all times. Unless they insist on tagging along with you incognito in which case you are free to tease them unmercifully. | |
| 2893 | All padwans must have a Silly haircut. | |
| 2894 | It is preferable to Disarm a jedi by cutting off his hand | |
| 2895 | Always make a smartass Remark. | |
| 2896 | It is ok to use the jedi mind trick to score babes. | |
| 2933 | No moonlighting as a used spaceship dealer. | |
| 3001 | Never use the force to quadruple post on theforce.net forums. | |
| 3002 | If you fail to pay your Jedi membership dues, you will not be absorbed into the living force upon death, but instead left to rot. | |
| 3003 | Do a somersault where a normal jump is required. | |
| 3004 | If you should, by any chance, decide to forsake your Jedi training and turn Sith, you must use a red lightsaber. | |
| 3005 | Also, if you should, by any chance, decide to forsake your Jedi training and turn Sith, you must adopt a really evil-sounding name that is very close to an unpleasant-sounding word, such as "invader" or "hideous". | |
| 3006 | Absolutely no endorsement deals. | |
| 3007 | No using your lightsaber to cut your hair, or your Padawan's. (Yes, this means you, Kenobi.) | |
| 3008 | No making fun of that little high-pitched throat sound that Master Yoda makes. When 900 years old you reach, much phlegm you may have too. | |
| 3009 | Although your force abilities are wholly controlled by your mind and spirit, it is much more dramatic and cool-looking if you wave your hand while doing them. | |
| 3010 | It's okay if you turn Sith, do really evil stuff, and kill millions of people; as long as you make an emotional speech of redemption in your dying moments, you'll get to join the happy little Jedi-Ghost-Spirit Family. | |
| 3011 | While a padawan, you must constantly disagree with your master, until you are reduced to guilt by seeing him killed; then you must obey his most absurd command and whim (ie., "go to Dagobah" or "train the boy".) | |
| 3012 | Never tell any member of the Jedi Council he's getting a big head. | |
| 3013 | It's ok to use your Jedi abilities for gambling, but not for many more practical-seeming uses like fixing your starship. | |
| 3014 | While a padawan, never let your master wander around in places where there are semi-translucent force fields that might separate you from him. Trust us on this one. | |
| 3015 | If you are "too old" to begin the training, you will become one of the greatest Jedi knights ever. | |
| 3016 | The force will give you awareness of many things; however, it will not prevent you from embarrassing blunders such as french-kissing your sister. | |
| 3017 | Get used to those jedi robes. You're gonna have to wear them even in the afterlife. | |
| 3018 | To be a TRULY COOL jedi, you must adopt a hyphenated name. | |
| 3019 | Never brag about the length of your lightsaber. | |
| 3020 | Good times for Jedi meditation: When in solitary confinement, the night before a battle, or while riding on a long voyage. Bad times for meditation: While piloting a fighter craft, while facing a sith in combat. | |
| 3031 | No sneaking in copies of "Sabers Illustrated" to read during Master Yoda's lectures. | |
| 3300 | Overtime pay will not be collected due to lightspeed control breakdown. | |
| 3340 | Only one female per generation in the galaxy | |
| 3341 | All females must have signature hair and show some skin | |
| 3342 | All children born to the skywalker line (post Anakin) have to be twins. | |
| 3343 | If you're casted as the comedy relief, your character is automatically "confused" | |
| 3344 | R2-D2 must be in all star wars movies despite the large hole in the plot it makes | |
| 3349 | If a guy named Palpatine offers you a new job; don't take it | |
| 3350 | It is unacceptable to sleep with the queen's decoy using the excuse "She looks just like you." | |
| 3351 | Yoda is allowed to seperate any children born to a jedi | |
| 3401 | Jedi Padawans are strictly forbidden to flirt with Royal Hamdmaidens. It is however acceptable to let them flirt with you. | |
| 3421 | No jedi may use the force to blow up the skirts of the opposite sex. | |
| 3425 | Never kill off the main villain the first time you see him. | |
| 3762 | This rule requires that any senior jedi about to lose his life must do so within sight of his apprentice | |
| 3763 | Apprentices who see their Master killed before their eyes by a Sithlord are required to yell "NO" as loudly as possible and then completely lose it nearly getting themselves killed as well. | |
| 3787 | No Jedi shall carve 95 theses on the door of the Jedi Temple with their lightsaber. This means you, Anakin. | |
| 3922 | Listen to Yoda. The muppet usually knows best. | |
| 3951 | All Masters and Padawans are required to learn how to strip off robes and ignite lightsabres in unison so as to look cool when facing Sith Lords. | |
| 3981 | No Jedi may use force seeing to see person while taking a shower. | |
| 3982 | No Jedi are to fly starfighters | |
| 4000 | Do NOT I repeat do NOT use Ki-adi Mundi's head as a horseshoe target. | |
| 4001 | No Jedi, at any time, may use force grip to goose a person of the opposite sex, or species for that matter. | |
| 4098 | Padawans are not required to display good posture while sitting in the presence of a planetary ruler. | |
| 4200 | Must be clearly ID by lightsaber color...red is bad everything else good. | |
| 4201 | No one on Tattoine who has any money is influenced by the Force. | |
| 4202 | Becoming a Sith doesn't mean you gain any fasion sense. | |
| 4203 | Women have no real purpose in the galaxy and are there so the men don't appear gay. | |
| 4203.1 | Addendum to #4203 Women are better shots though than any man. | |
| 4204 | Also obey the old out of shape elders. | |
| 4205 | Jedi always live in holes in the ground. | |
| 4206 | Jedi get no chicks unless going to Dark Side. | |
| 4207 | Slash, parry, riposte, dodge, but no stabbing, this is big no-no in Jedi fighting. Only Sith may stab. | |
| 4391 | It is permissable to use your lightsabre, set on low power, to beat off groupies. | |
| 4531 | Slicing creatures with lightsabres in cantinas is appropriate behaviour when travelling incognito. | |
| 4932 | Groupies *must* be beaten off! A Jedi is a gentleman (or lady) and does not take advantage of the weaknesses of others. (However much they may want you to.) | |
| 5015.1 | It is not permissible to switch your Padawan braid to the other side during scenes that involve close-up shots; otherwise you may be mistaken for a CGI. | |
| 5049 | All duels to the death, especially against Sithlords, must be fought either on narrow catwalks above a deep gulf OR in close proximity to a deep pit or pool of molten whatever. | |
| 5465 | Use of mind powers to lure the oposite sex is forbidden except if you are really horny, or bored, or even better both | |
| 5721 | Lightsabers must be hung on the out side of Jedi trousers. No Jedi may place the lightsabers inside their trousers leg. (This includes stolen Sith doublesabers. | |
| 5821 | Don't take anything your Master says too literally. Remember truth depends on one's point of view. | |
| 5898 | Clothes must be worn underneath Jedi robes at all times. | |
| 5961 | All Jedi must travel to Tatooine at least once every other movie. | |
| 6533 | Repeat after me : You will not over-use the jedi mind trick ["I will not over-use the jedi mind trick"] | |
| 6574 | Say what you want. If caught out, use the old "certain point of view" defence | |
| 6700 | Beware of fulfilling prophecies. Think carefully about the implications of bringing balance to the Force in a universe with 10,000 Jed and 2 Sith. | |
| 6901 | Always knock before burning down one's door. Unless they've already tried to knock you out. | |
| 6905 | Jedi may manipulate simple little things like a coin toss or the acquisition of a transport, but never ever use mind tricks when it would negatively affect the plot. | |
| 6934 | Just because it looks like the lightsaber is going through you in slow motion, doesn't mean it is. ILM isn't perfect. | |
| 6953 | Jedi duels shall never be used to impress, arouse, or seduce members of the opposite sex, species, or subclass. | |
| 6969 | No use of the force to cheat in any Seinfeld-inspired contests. | |
| 6969 | Always hack the useless infantry-like enemy into little pieces, but never do that to a Sith Lord. You must fight for a really long time to give the audience the impression that you're actually trying to successfully kill him. | |
| 6987 | Jedi must use their fingers to open collecter cans of Pepsi and Mountain Dew. Lightsabers make unsightly burn marks. | |
| 7000 | Jedi robes are not to be worn by students in KJA novels. Jumpsuits that make you look like convicts will be provided. | |
| 7042 | Don't even think of having a lightsaber color other than green or blue. | |
| 7337 | No matter how tempting or whatever the provocation, it is strictly forbidden to feed Master Yoda to your pet python. | |
| 7338 | When Master Yoda is addressing the Council, visiting Knights are asked to refrain from displaying Kermit t-shirts and bursting into impromptu choruses of "It's Not Easy Being Green." | |
| 7345 | Always keep the Jedi Council Room decorated in classic 70's bad retro furniture. | |
| 7351 | No Jedi shall leave action figures of the Council members on their chairs with the lightsabers pointed up. | |
| 7482 | MAke sure you have a Copy of ur Birthextract. | |
| 7530 | Padawan Apprentices must say 'Yes Master' at least once every twenty standard minutes. | |
| 7806 | Before taking the disincarnation option, Jedis may want to consider that there are no free pizza deliveries in the next dimension. | |
| 7807 | When disincarnating, please be sure to be wearing and leaving behind your cleanest robes; it reflects well on the Order. | |
| 7808 | Disincarnate Jedi are strictly forbidden to give a straight answer to a straight question. Especially those of the 'So what's it like to be one with the Force' type. | |
| 7809 | Disincarnate Jedi are to respect the privacy of the living and avoid manifesting themselves at awkward or embarrassing moments. | |
| 7810 | Living Jedi are to avoid discomfiting disincarnates by walking or waving arms through their Force Apparitions. | |
| 7840 | Force apparitions of your late Master are never around when you want him. | |
| 7841 | Do not talk to Force apparitions of your late Master in front of civilians, they may doubt your sanity which will reflect badly on the Order. | |
| 7898 | Never under any circumstances use your lightsaber on a fellow jedi, unless you really want to see how the force flows through them, or you are bored | |
| 8316 | The higher in rank a jedi is, the less hair he is allowed to have. | |
| 8493 | no useing your lightsaber to cook food or reheat your coffee. | |
| 8734.5 | All human male Jedi will be hunks. All female human Jedi will be beautiful, (even if they don't get close-ups, or any lines.) It is the will of the Force. And Lucasfilm's marketing department. | |
| 9001 | Do not see any "big" future events when using the force. Even if anyone will influence the entire galaxy, so what. But it is ok to see if the Cubs will win today. | |
| 9001.1 | The Cubs will never win a World Series again. | |
| 9002 | Never use your "push" abilities against a Sith. Knocking him/her down rendering him/her helpless and then aplying your light saber to him/her is foridden. Ignore all other "force" abilities and resort to brutal, uncivilized hacking and slashing to rid one's enimies. | |
| 9003 | Never look into the future unless you won't be able to actually see the future. If the future is clear to you, don't look at it. Who cares if it could save your life. | |
| 9033 | Jedi are not to become romantically involved with planetary rulers as this might lead to a conflict of interests. (This means you Anakin!) | |
| 9132 | Don't make up "prophises" (sp) about choosen individuals | |
| 9502 | Jedi may only talk to Sithlords who are their former Apprentice or a close relative. | |
| 9543 | Always check which direction your lightsaber is pointing before ignighting it | |
| 9601 | When your Master is out having fun at a pod race and you are stuck back at the ship, impress everyone by using only declarative sentences and commands. | |
| 9602 | When your Master sends a blood sample to be checked, it is not acceptable to joke, "The reading is off the chart. Over 20,000. That's almost as many as I have." | |
| 9603 | After receiving assistance from an alien species, as everyone else is getting up to leave, remain kneeling, scratch your head near your Padawan braid, and smile. (This means you Kenobi!) | |
| 9935 | NO Jedi will pass solids into the downstairs lavatories.(Except Yoda) | |
| 9954 | Jedi showing any change of expression or emotion in moments of peril will be required to take a remedial course at the Clint Eastwood School of Deadpan Heroes. | |
| 9954.1 | Repeat offenders will be subjected to viewing the entire Charles Bronson filmography - twice. | |
| 10019 | Jedi are forbidden to wear stylish black clothes *unless* they are the Last of the Jedi and closely related to a Sithlord. | |
| 10020 | Jedi named Skywalker are exempted from all rules. | |
| 12345 | If you ever meet your long-lost son in a lightsaber duel, FIRST tell him you are his father,and THEN try to kill him. (but don't you forget to cut of his hand in advance!) | |
| 12345 | Never hit on the chosen ones girl | |
| 12574 | When 900 years old you reach, look as good, allowed you are not. | |
| 12735 | All jedi must have at least one letter that scores highly in scrabble in their name. | |
| 14534.1 | The older you are when you start Jedi training, the less training you have to do. | |
| 14534.2 | The older you are under Rule 145345A, the more the Masters in charge get to whine and complain about how bad an idea it is to train you. There is always a price, my blue friend. | |
| 16592 | Thou shalt not scratch thy back with thy lightsaber (even if not ignated). | |
| 19745 | never stand up too fast in Yoda's home to tell him something, you'll bonk your head. | |
| 23456 | Never buy lightsabers at Value Villans | |
| 24239 | No Jedi is allowed to trip on his/her robes when fighting Federation Battle Droids, no matter how long the robe. | |
| 30799 | Never, ever say 'Ni'. | |
| 31332 | If any jedi knows the offspring of the Chosen One, he is NOT allowed to train him from birth. Instead the Jedi must wait until no later than 3 years before the epic confrontation between the light and dark side. | |
| 32326 | When all else fails, meditate. If this doesn't work, meditate more. | |
| 33451 | Watch your mouth or you'll find yourself floating home. | |
| 34985 | When playing dice with a Sith, agree in advance as to how many waved hands each side gets before the die comes to rest. | |
| 35509.332 | when battling another jedi always make sure its far away from the main battle and you and your opponent are all alone | |
| 35509.333 | no other person may be present unless also a jedi or jedi's apprentice | |
| 37918 | All Jedi *MUST* switch their lightsaber off in water. It isn't waterproof. Failure to do so will result in being chased to no extent. For further enquires, ask Obi-Wan Kenobi. | |
| 43265 | If you fight near a bottomless pit, always make sure it has some sort of convienent handhold to grab onto lest you get knocked in. | |
| 45021 | Don't fantasise about your twin sister | |
| 45022 | No crying. | |
| 45023 | No sneakers or comfy. Big heavy combat boots are a must. | |
| 45024 | No having fun, unless you blow up a death star or another weapon of mass destruction. Only then can you party hard. | |
| 45025 | No making fun of Yodas small lightsaber. Its actually in proportion. | |
| 49875 | When fighting evil sith, try to plan battle to take place near some sort of vent or bottomless pit. This percentage odds of winning. | |
| 53458 | (in the light sabre usage series): Always turn light sabre off BEFORE returning it to it's hidden place about your person. Robes don't grow on trees. | |
| 56567 | never impersonate a Krayat dragon howl during their mating season. | |
| 56782 | Don't get your lightsaber wet. | |
| 56783 | Don't train anyone over the age of 2 weeks. | |
| 56784 | Don't make noises like Krayt Dragons unless you're scaring away sandpeople. | |
| 59846 | Losing is Winning | |
| 59846.4 | subsection 4, paragraph 7: Try to Win via Winning, first. | |
| 60245 | The Jedi retirement plan shall consist of a tiny hermitage on the Force-forsaken planet of your choice. | |
| 60354 | paragraph 54634563456 subsection 5464509635476345: All Jedi will be expected to quote back sections of this code on demand by rule/paragraph/subsection. | |
| 64323 | Female Jedi are to be seen but never heard. | |
| 64324 | Female Jedi are allowed to wear cool make-up and fancy hats but must never get a close-up. | |
| 64325 | Male Jedi are not to hit on Female Jedi. | |
| 64326 | Female Jedi are not to hit on Male Jedi. (They said it would be a hard life!) | |
| 64327 | Rules 64325/6 are now suspended. All Jedi students are to pair off at the Academy, and never mind that it'll leed to inbreeding in a few generations. | |
| 65231 | The entire jedi council will never ever walk into a large arena or other obvious trap. | |
| 94567 | Don't even think about tickling Yoda. Revealed your thoughts are. Stop that! harumph. | |
| 94730 | never use lightsaber nun-chucks | |
| 100001 | (scribbled in): It doesn't matter what your Master tells you. If you think you can handle 10 Force-related actions at once, go for it. | |
| 100002 | When Yoda says "Yor mouth you will shut." even when sining the Mace, or Shaft theme, you'll (beep)-ing shut yor mouth. | |
| 100003 | Never attempt to sky dive out of the council window. | |
| 100004 | If you have a mask, never answer "ok" answer: "As you wish." | |
| 100005 | Don't ever go to Tantooine, EVER. | |
| 101010 | A Padawan must always lose arguments with his Master. (If you should turn out to be right apologize at once! Not that this ever happens....) | |
| 102030 | Lightsabres cannot be secured to ones personage, like those mittens with string you have when you are a kid, because they must be dropped at least once during a life and death battle. | |
| 102344.1352 | when your lightsaber suddenly goes off in the middle of the night we will call it "nocturnal ignition", and its perfectly natural and normal. | |
| 122345 | Annoying charcters (eg Gungans, 3P0 units) may not be killed until after the trilogy is over. Until then, pretend that they're useful and/or that you like them. | |
| 122345.1 | Although if they are the chosen one do whatever you want with them. | |
| 152467 | When a Padawan you must refer to at least one life form as Pathetic | |
| 201000 | No padawan shall speak disrespectfully to Yoda. | |
| 201001 | No padawan shall make fun of Yoda's syntax. | |
| 201002 | No Council member shall make fun of Yoda's syntax. | |
| 201003 | No Jedi Knight shall make fun of Yoda's syntax. | |
| 201004 | No Jedi shall make fun of Yoda's syntax. | |
| 201005 | No Jedi shall pull Yoda's ears. | |
| 201006 | No Jedi shall pull Yoda's finger. | |
| 201007 | It is unacceptable behaviour to write "Yaddle was here" on Yoda's chair. | |
| 201008 | It is unacceptable behaviour to write anything on Yoda's chair. | |
| 278945 | When a Master finds the boy who is the chosen one-it is considered bad manners to find out who his father was | |
| 300000 | (the notwithstanding clause): Notwithstanding any of the aforementioned rules, Yoda is always right. | |
| 300001 | "Loophole Finders 'R' Us" is no longer considered an official supplier of the Jedi Temple. | |
| 300002 | Use of the letter "y", except as regards its notation in this rule for this specific purpose, is no longer acceptable. | |
| 300003 | No Jedi shall refer to or use Yoda's name as a four letter word, even though it is. | |
| 302983 | No Jedi can knowingly have a apostraphy in their name. Doing so will render all force powers unusable. | |
| 334455 | Always have a neat little glow thing of some sort as a gift for Yoda or you will be cained. | |
| 666999 | As a Jedi, you must always rely on children to get you out of the mess you manoeuvred yourself into. Also, if the fate of the Galaxy is at stake, fall back on young people that lack training and form a potential bigger threat to your cause. | |
| 1987543 | subparagraph 987987456 line 0945680984: Rules are for the ruled: the Jedi have their code. Only respect the traditons and codes of other cultures when it benefits the imediate mission or the Jedi in general. | |
| 7469411 | If this thread is going to be locked soon because of the 6 months locking thing, then you better up it before it gets locked. |
