Cerebral palsy

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 My depression started when I was 19 it hit me I didn't graduated on time my dream was to be computer programmer. When I was 12 we went to Michigan everyone having a great time but me talking. It is not easy talk with   a talker and you   type slowly. I felt out place.  I wanted die.  I thought nobody under stand me. Second time I felt   this way  when I was at my at the  Christmas I knew everyone like me for who I  am  but that state  I felt that they like me only because I have cp.  I finally graduate at the age 21 things started looking up. My teacher said I should into northpointe workshop I did cry; I tried so hard not to be place in one.  I thought workshops for mentally retired. So I went to college for computer. It was hard only. At the end of term I got scare and I went into hospital. I went year of college after. I felt like failed   and no one would hire me. I had worked for my x church I went there 22 years they treat me well. I did janitor work I felt safe no one    would treat me bad I thought. First few everything was fine. Their system was out of date. I ask Mitch who was my boss and family friend. If I can change things. Shawn Mr. heyer was new best friend. She did thing put a bat in    church, so I had to pick it up, tell show Mitch things was sane    I didn't clean them. She also hide vacuum. She makes me mad. I went in hospital After that I   not will went northpointe. After few months the job placement woman told because of my c.p. I can't get outside job. That made me sad she told me that they will use my skills. Sound good I started looking    into a group home. The pad screener came out and said I have a mental illness do    to my depression. I should be in roll into mental illness day program. I thought killing myself. I thought about getting on train go u.c.p office in Chicago asking for help.  I knew it was time for me to move out of Waukegan.