the Man of my dreams is everything you're not.
you don't notice when I'm by your side
or hold my hand in public places-
He would.
you don't kiss me until my knees buckle
or see the light in my eyes-
He would.
you don't write poetry singing my praises
or celebrate my feminine existence-
He would.
you don't listen to the song in my heart
or feel the warmth of my soul-
He would.
you don't know my favorite anything
or think I deserve the world-
He would.
you say you love me-
He would.
For J.P.M.
Love screams out to me,
"Take hold of passion,
release all your fears."
Reason speaks softly,
"Take care of your soul,
and all will be right."
I hear my passion,
and listen to reason.
Only then will I find my trust.
After the whisper slows,
it will grasp the screams
and comfort the pain.
The two will combine
so my heart and mind
can embrace your love.
I had him memorized-
the curvature of his muscles,
the structure of his face.
I knew the way he became tense
just before releasing his passion.
I knew all the tangibles by heart,
so I reached out for more-
only to find the intangible unwilling.
Maybe his heart belonged to another
or maybe it just didn't belong to me.
The most profound loneliness
does not occur when one is alone.
Instead, it is found laying
with an unrequited love.
For J.P.M.
As I lay here, I cry for you.
Not tears of sorrow
because we had to say goodbye,
those are tears for another time.
No, these tears come to me
as warm memories drift
across my grateful soul.
I shed a tear for every embrace
and for every passionate kiss.
A tear falls for every time
I watched you sleep
and for every time I found you
watching me.
I cry for you because
I am elated that I
shared my heart with you,
and I hope you cry for me too.
He does not know
How much I love him-
and hate him
How my body longs for him-
and shrinks away from him
He does not know
That I celebrate the way he kisses me-
and resent the way he kissed her
That his touch excites me-
and makes me cry
He does not know
How his laughter moves me to tears-
and his tears move me to laughter
How I long to lay by his side-
and wish he would sleep elsewhere.
What he doesn't know
will not hurt him-
but it's killing me.
What would you do
if I said I love you?
What would you say
if I asked you to stay forever?
What would you want
if I told you I'd do anything for you?
Would you tell me love is
an emotion too unrealistic for your heart?
Would you laugh
at a love you perceive to be too new?
Would you say
forever is too long to be with one person?
Would you ask
me for the world and give nothing in return?
Or would you simply smile
and give your soul to me?
Eyes that see too much,
that see love that isn't there
and life the way it ought to be,
leaves a heart that cares too much
broken and alone-
waiting for something
that will never come.
For J.J.D.
You bring my soul to tears-
So why do I stay?
You remind me of loneliness-
So what's the point?
Am I crazy for wanting
to lay with you
or is this perseverance
in its ugliest form?
I believe in your soul,
but your love leaves me empty.
There's nothing left for us,
yet we can't walk away.
I wish I was there
or you were here.
We could handle it then,
or at least handle it better.
Remember the last time it happened?
You cried on my shoulder,
and I silently cried on yours.
I wanted to be strong for you,
but you knew the truth.
You always do.
If you were here
or I was there,
we could hold each other.
Both crying and saying nothing.
Both waiting for the other
to fall asleep,
exhausted from the tears.
Both grasping for something
that is slipping away.
We could handle it better together.
For J.J.D.
I love you because
you tell the truth
and don't know how to be gentle about it
I love you because
you're willing to cry in front of me
and allow me to cry in front of you
I love you because
you yell when you think I'm being unfair
and apologize when you have been
I love you because
you strive to be an individual
and fight against conformity
I love you because
you always finish what you start
even when you don't want to
I love you because
you exist.
I never wanted to love him.
I barely wanted to like him.
But, despite my efforts, it happened.
I waged a war against my heart,
but it was to no avail.
His optimistic innocence touched me,
but now I am left alone
pining for a man that,
because of a previous lover,
no longer wants to love another.
Twisted fate has made me a toy,
and my soul has been lost in the game.
I thought he was more.
I found him genuine
with his stinging honesty.
I knew he loved me,
yet was not in love with me.
Still, even that was a lie.
He is the puss of a bloodied wound
caused by a sword through my heart.
He is every lie ever told
wrapped in innocent, deceptive warmth.
He is every man who has scorned a woman
and every woman who has scorned a man.
His very breath was cruel.
His existence is a tragedy in my life.
My stomach turns with every thought of him.
I thought he was more-
but I have never been more wrong.
Each time I see you
I pray you will say it.
I hope forever is on your lips,
in your mind,
coursing through your heart.
But each time,
I am met with silence
and my heart breaks again.
I can�t handle this torture.
Yet I find the strength
to return to your side.
Love gives me that power.
So I am always waiting,
always hoping.
But the only forever I hear,
is echoed in my dreams