For W.C.W.
He was laying on the couch
as I sat beside him.
We looked at one another
with quiet admiration.
And I thought about how wonderful
silence could feel
when two souls connect.
But then he spoke,
it could've ruined the moment.
But for some reason,
when we were together,
everything he did
made the moment better.
"What would you remember about me
if I disappeared tomorrow?"
I was taken aback.
For a split second
I thought to respond with,
"There's nothing I would forget."
But, I thought better of it.
"The way you feel."
In my mind it said everyhting,
but he didn't seem to understand.
If I were more brave,
I would've explained.
I didn't.
I should have told him
I would remember
the way his hand felt
the first time he touched mine.
The way his beating chest felt against mine.
The way his eyes felt
like they could see into my soul.
The way I could feel him
when we weren't even touching.
I should'vetold him
I would remember
the way he made me feel
like I was floating, beaming with light.
Like someone understood my heart.
I didn't tell him.
Maybe it's better that way.
At least I still have
the memory of it all.
For W.C.W.
We sit upon a railing
enjoying the breeze,
the stars, the night-
enjoying each other.
We've been here for hours
or maybe days.
He touches me,
I lose my breath.
He pulls me close,
our hearts beat feverishly.
We are lost in a moment,
lost in each other.
Maybe we've exchanged
a million words
or perhaps
we've said nothing at all.
The greatest bliss
can make you forget everything,
but the feeling-
Peaceful, calm, comfortable,
genuinely happy.
Let's go back
to that place,
and tell each other everything
or nothing at all.
Just pull me close.
I want to be lost with you again.
For My Family
each day i make an attempt
an attempt to deal with the pain
i watch him lose himself
i tell myself he doesn't mean it
it's not the real him speaking
this is the person he has become
there are good days
days when the old him returns
and i am truly happy
but the good days are interrupted
by days of anger and paranoia
and i must deal with that too
the days of the new him
are slowly suffocating me
i don't want to be that person
the person who cannot feel
i want to be the old me
sitting beside the old him
not having to deal with the pain
i want us to be happy
and i want my daddy back
take my heart
and break it
just as long as
you hold it first
then, after it's broken
break it again
and hold the pieces
for a moment more
years of pain
and tears
are worth each
brief moment of pleasure
I think of you tonight
as I have each night
since the day
you came to me.
And I wonder
if you're thinking of me.
I hope you will call
when you return.
Then we could lay together
all night, holding one another
as if letting go
would cause one or both of us
to fall into an empty abyss.
I hold you like that
in my dreams.
And in those dreams
You look at me
in your special way
and a sigh of relief
releases the fear
that you won't come home to me.
just say it
say goodbye
this is the end
no time for tears
or weakness
just say it
say goodbye
you have to leave
don't look back
be strong
just say it
say goodbye
no more smiles
no more affection
no more
it shouldn't be this hard
to say goodbye
Have I felt this way before?
If I have, I can't remember.
I know you're watching me
with your blue-green eyes.
I can feel you,
and I am happy.
This feeling has come
too quickly
and I tell myself,
"It's too good to be true."
Independently, we exist
in different worlds.
Together, we are all
that exists,
There's something
about the way you look at me.
Everything seems right
when you look at me that way.
Thank you for making me
feel this way.
It's good to know
I'm capable of the feeling.
It's sad to know
it was too good to be true.
I remember it all-
The night he told me
my eyes don't twinkle.
The way his lips
touched hers
as they danced.
So close that nothing
could pass between them,
not even my tears.
So when he tells me
he loves me "very much,"
as he puts it,
I smile on the outside
and cry from within.
Because no matter how hard
I try to forget,
I still remember it all.
I have to remind myself.
Your voice answers the phone.
Your cologne lingers in the air.
And I say to myself,
"It's over."
Your touch haunts my dreams.
The taste of your skin is on my lips.
And I say to myself,
"It's over."
I have to remind myself
because my heart stays with you
and, if I don't say it,
my mind will follow-
leaving me empty.
i've never loved anyone
the way i love you-
so eternally
so unconditionally
so hopelessly-
and thank god for that
because loving you
hurts too much
His love for me
is comparable to
the way a man
stranded in the desert
loves tap water.
It's good enough
to quench his thirst,
but, oh, how much more
he would love
an ice cold bottle
of Perrier.