| My friends have read this story and laughed their heads off. I don't mind very much but it sucks bc i wanted it be sad and meaningfull..but its okay bc I read that the first drafts are always bad, so when i have time I am going to revise it. But in the meantime..have fun. |
| I�ve wanted to commit suicide for as long as I can remember. I mean I�ve even tried once. But it didn�t quite work out the way I hoped it would go. It was about five months, right, and I took like all these pills. And I was dying and all. But then my stupid lady neighbor found me, because I was playing this song �Last Resort� by Papa Roach (great song) too loud. Anyways the lady was all �Hello,� but because no one answered the door she looked into my window, talk about nosy. I think she got scared, because I was lying there in my pink underwear and bra set with an empty bottle of pills in my hand. And I also had this massive gash across my stomach (I cut myself), cause you see I just stole this big massive butcher knife from a knife store. Besides that I had a million other scars all over me and there was blood everywhere and it freaked her out and she called the police. I mean what would you do if you saw someone you�ve known for two years lying on the floor half naked, bloody and dying?� It was really humiliating, I mean I was lying there half naked and I remember the EMTs picking me up and touching me and all, and I was dying and paralyzed and I couldn�t do anything. Normally if a guy touches me anywhere, my shoulder, my head I kick him in the balls. My math teacher touched me once and boy was he sorry. Anyways the last thing I remembered was when the ambulance guy closed the ambulance door. Another thing I hate, worse than being touched by guys; being alone with a guy, especially those fat bald guys that have no wives to do it with. It scares the crap outta me. I told the doctor some crazy guy tried to rape me, and I refused so he shoved a bunch of pills down my throat and cut me with his butcher knife. They didn�t believe me, would you? Nothing really happened though, they admitted me to the psychiatric ward AKA loony bin or funny farm for self mutilation but nothing happened because my parents never showed up. My parents are a whole another topic in that matter. I hate my parents and my parents hate me. My mom says I�m the worst thing that�s happened to her and my dad says I was an accident. He can�t really say that though, because he�s like my mom�s sixth husband, and he�s not my biological father. I hate them all so it doesn�t matter. So anyways I told my friends I wanted to kill myself and they were all �why don�t you do it then,� yeah they�re fabulous friends. And actually to tell you the truth the only reason I�m still alive is because of this whole karma thing I believe in. I really wouldn�t mind having a worse life but I�m afraid I�ll be reincarnated as some with disabilities or even worse a fat guy. I�m actually kind of glad I was found by my lady neighbor friend. Don�t get me wrong, I love fat people. I like making fun of them. See I had this English teacher ok, and she liked collected pez dispensers. And this one time this kid knocked one down right, and she started screaming at him like there was no tomorrow. The kid was like it�s only a pez dispenser, it was depressing. Anyways back to reality, I really don�t want to bore you with my life story. People say its depressing, I think so too. I pulled my hair back in a pony tail and put my head on the pillow. I have so much trouble sleeping at night. I wish I could get a prescription of valium but because of my little incident I told you about I�m not allowed to take any prescription drugs, because the doctor thinks I�m gonna OD. I really don�t think anyone would care anyways. I mean my mom does say she wishes I would kill myself. So why shouldn�t I be aloud to take the drugs. I think a lot. And that�s one thing I hate about myself. I mean I�ve seen girls that just go through the day like without thinking at all. They are so easy-going, I just can�t believe it. I mean I had this partner in math right and I would listen to her and her friend go on and on about their lives they acted like nothing was wrong. And the one girl just broke up with her boyfriend and she was going on and on about it in such a shrug off attitude, it amazed me. I can never really sleep at night, or ever. To tell you the truth, I�m afraid of the dark. I bet it�d be no deal if I was like five, but I�m fifteen. I was never really afraid of the dark but then one night I just got so scared. But I wish I were five because I was loved back then. You see it was still when I had my real dad, my mom was happy too. She then found out he was cheating on her with my first grade teacher and they got a divorce. I never saw him again. I looked at my alarm clock and it was quarter after eleven. No use trying to sleep now, so I got up went to my closet and decided to go to a party. The college parties are the best. There is beer and coke and hot guys, the high school parties usually only have soda and undeveloped immature guys. The only reason the college guys let me go to their parties is because I usually fool around with them. I hate it though, but I really don�t care. The college guys love me. I mean they say I look hot. I don�t. I have long black hair that goes down to my ass and I�m skinny as hell; mostly because I hate food. They give me cigarettes, pot, beer or anything else I want. They only do cause they wanna have sex with me. I�m still a virgin but I really don�t wanna have sex. I only give the guys oral and I let them touch me and all. I found the skimpiest black top and jeans I could find and jumped out of my window. The party isn�t too far away because there�s this college kid with rich parents and has a house of his own. When I enter all the attention turns to me and I am handed a cup of beer by my 22 year old boyfriend Zach. �Hey Em, � �Hey Zach, what�s up?� He puts his arms around me and gives me a big kiss. He�s a really good kisser. I love Zach. He has brown hair with green eyes, and one hell of a body. �Not much,� I can tell he�s horny because he picks me up, leads me into a room and throws me on the bed. �Zach, what is this?� �Is tonight the night?� He kisses my neck and runs his hands down my back. �No Zach,� �Come on, we�ve been going out for a two months and you still won�t let me have it. I have needs Em,� �What about me? I don�t have needs? I have needs all the time but they never get fulfilled.� I get up and leave the room. Zach runs after me and grabs my arm. �I love you baby and I want to get close to you.� I laugh. It�s funny how people say they love you. Exactly what is love? All I know is I don�t believe love and I don�t to love. Love tore my family apart. I start to cry. I don�t like it when people lie to me, especially big lies like Zach telling me he loves me. �Baby don�t cry. I�m sorry.� He hugs me. He smells of beer and cheap cologne. �It�ll be Okay.� I start to cry even harder. No it won�t. �I love you baby and I won�t let anything happen to you, I promise.� I love promises so much bullshit. I tear away. Don�t make promises you can�t keep. The music is blaring and I grab another cup of beer. I sit down on the nearest couch and look at everybody. Next to me this girl is making out with this guy and they are giggling and getting beer everywhere. It makes me sick. How can people so loose? They just act as if nothings wrong. Of course they�re drunk, maybe that�s why. I wipe off my tears and scan the room for Zach. I see him the corner making out with my best friend Stevie. I�ve never liked her anyways, slut. Stevie�s too easy. She�s made out with Zach before but I�ve forgiven her. She has short blonde hair, big boobs and blue eyes. Me, I really don�t have anything. But sometimes I stuff socks in my bra so I get attention. Looking at Stevie and Zach just makes me sick. I see a can of opened beer on the table and grabbed it. I gulp it down without even stopping. I want to get drunk, I want to die. I am so jealous of Stevie and it just pisses me off so much that she can just get any guy to make out with her. I walk over to them. �Zach,� I say, he turns around and looks at me. �Look baby I�m sorry, if you want it tonight you can have it.� �I knew you�d come around.� He lets go of Stevie and grabs a hold of my waist. I knew he never liked her. �I�m gonna give you the time of your life babe.� He lies me down on the bed and takes off his clothes �Just do it fast okay?� I�m so scared. I don�t want to do this and I�m not ready but if it means keeping Zach off of other girls I�m willing to do this. �Ok you ready?� I close my eyes. �Yeah, I am,� I squeeze my eyes together as tight as I can. �Help me, help me. Anyone please.� I think to myself. �Here goes.� There is banging on the door. �Open up,� some one yells. �Go away, I�m busy here.� The door breaks down and police run in. Saved. �What�s your name?� You know its funny how policeman or detectives or whatever always think they�re more superior to anyone. They act as if everyone�s scared of them and they all have an �I�m going to kill you if don�t listen to me,� attitude. �I don�t see why it�s any of your business.� The police detective guy is really hot. He reminds me of Chris O�Donnell. �Look sweetheart, I�m only trying to help you.� I laugh. They all think that they can help me which is a bunch of bullshit. I�ve seen six psychiatrists. I laugh out loud. "No you can't," I say, turning my head away so he won't see the tears that had begun to stream down my face. "I just want to go home." I choked out. When i turned my head back around i saw him staring at me. "All right. I'll take you home." Pity. It was all over his face. He took me home, and i waved goodbye as i went to the back of my house and climbed up the tree connected to my window. When i went in i collapsed on my bed. ----- "I love you so much Leah." The sun is shining brightly as he puts him arms around me. "I love you too," she says. But then there is a crash, and when she opens her eyes, all she sees is blood. She starts to scream, but she is comforted by her brother. �Shh, it�s okay Leah�I�m here.� And so she stops, and lets him lull her to sleep. She is awakened by sirens, sounds she�s always dreaded, and then she feels tugging at her arm. When she opens her eyes she is in a bed, surrounded by people she�s never known. When I wake up, my head aches with pain, and I want to die. As always. |
| Story 2 |