Finding it at Home
Written: Summer 2000
Edited: January 19, 2003
I happen to believe that one of the largest fears that people have is the fear of rejection. Teenagers often loathe it, and in doing so, they try their absolute hardest to "fit in" with the "in-crowd." We have to face the facts: No one ever wants to be left out as a loner or loser. Right? Of course...that's why all the "popular" girls have decided to put on plastic faces, while the "macho" guys represent their reps by showing pride in how many girls they've slept with or how long "junior" is down under. Everybody needs a place that their heart can call home. I surmise that is one of the reasons that teenagers go through the whole identity crisis deal between the ages of 14 and 18, perhaps longer sometimes. They work at being accepted by the most appreciated crowd because they are afraid of what people think of them. However, the thing that�s wrong about this process is that they may lose who they are before they even know it.
Ever heard of the saying, "Why do good girls love bad boys?" Here's a scenario for 'ya: An innocent girl is in pursuit of a rebellious guy at school. Would he ever like her? Nah, she's too much of a good girl. So what does she do? Let's say she decides to be a part of the "popular" crowd by doing drugs, drinking excessive alcohol, or something else extreme. In a few years, if she doesn�t wake up to reality, she might end up pregnant or even worse: Dead. What these girls don�t realize is that they�re not gaining respect, acceptance, or even true friendship out of this deal�they�re only getting tolerance. Who wants tolerance instead of love? I believe it�s important to know what your priorities and goals are in high school. If you know this, nobody can tell you what to do, and you can stay focused on what you really want to be. I know that I am a romantic dreamer; however, I know that after all that I've been through, I can succeed without the help of 'high status reps' and whatnot.
Maybe my dreams will come true, and maybe it won�t. I think it is essential to dream. Dreams make up who you are and give you the drive and the need to live. Without dreams, who are you? You�re a mindless lamb walking around with the flock of sheep and doing what everybody else wants so you can belong. �Everybody�s doing it� isn�t an excuse anymore because you don�t have to be like everybody else. My first roommate in college was the most insecure person I have ever met in my entire life. She plastered her side of the room with posters of Victoria Secret Models to remind her not to eat, so that she, too, could have their "look." The funny thing is my roommate was no bigger than these models. Any other girl would kill for a figure like hers. But I often questioned it -- WHY? Why did she try so hard? Why couldn't she be herself around others, especially guys? Looking back to that, as much as I love her as a friend, everyone else around us looked at her as FAKE. She still questions why others look down on her and strongly believes "they" are all just jealous. Then again...why is she so insecure? Why must she put others down to make herself feel better? Why must she lie to make others like her? BE YOURSELF, and others will respect you.
One should find what they are good at or most talented in. Perhaps it will draw themselves to what you're good at...at least, that's what I've learned. Finding whatever it is and using it as a self-expression will become YOUR unique trademark as it should come so much easier. For instance, I'm good at writing, singing (at least I try), and making my friends laugh. I have clung to that, and it's become who I am. I'm sure that everyone is good at something. What about you? Think about it for a moment and realize what it is that you know you are good at or learn to develop one. Whatever your talents are, continue to pursue it, furnish it, and it will make you much stronger than you already are. In the long run, you'll grow out of your "shell" (that is, if you have one) and make new friends as you decide to explore many options.
If your heart needs a home, don�t construct one out of unlivable conditions. Believe, believe, believe! Don�t feel stupid if you look up to a lot of people; that�s the best way to learn, to see how others get through their lives, and then maybe assimilate some effective techniques into yours. Learn from others� mistakes, but don�t actually be anything than what you are. It�s complicated, I know, and it took me years to figure that one out. Don�t be afraid, and never be what you aren�t. You�ll just end up confused and hurt. Experimenting with groups and styles is a natural part of maturity and growing up...just don't do something crazy so that people will like you. Change for yourself, so that you can become the person that you wanna be. If you look up to Marilyn Manson, does that mean you should go from school nerd to complete goth? Of course not! We all have mentors or people to look up to, but becoming them is a completely different thing.
When I look back to the girls from high school, who considered (literally) themselves popular, it's interestingly hilarious. Why? They were being the furthest thing from themselves, and it's ridiculous. They held a heavy head on their shoulders, and they each had their own quiet thoughts and dreams, yet they wouldn't ever live them because of fear. So many "quiet" people, who consider themselves the outcasts of high school, think that the popular people have everything; but in actuallity, they have nothing because they don't even have themselves! The aspiring actress won't live her dream of acting because she doesn't want people to laugh at the way she does it as the singer won't do the same for fear that people will laugh at his or her song. Fear is a cage, and they entrapped themselves in it. They don�t even have others backing them up, because they don�t give them friendship; they give them tolerance.
�FranniePooh2002