I am me. I am cute. I am beautiful. I rock. I love me. Damn you. No matter what you say. Your words can never bring me down.
~~~Life is a journey. You are the Star. Act your role.~~
me. I am who I am. So just let me be. I am not special, but I am unique. I am not your typical average gurl. I do not follow the trend. I don't try to act adorable to make everybody like me. I am super sensitive and I have bad temper, I can scare you when I am upset. I have 60/40 attitude. What is that? 60% of the time I am friendly and polite, but the rest 40% of the time, I hope that u won��t see me. I am everybody��s headache. I am not adorable, and I am not your precious baby girl. I cry easily and can't stop easily. I have my own philosophy of life. I don't like people judging me. Who they think they are? People are usually more screw up than you think. I am a racist. I have to admit that I don't like certain type of people, and i will never be friend with them. I truely know what I like, what I don't like. I know what I want, and I know what I don��t want. I am not gonna be nice to you if you step on my shoe. I have my dream. Although I am not trying hard enough to achieve my goals rite now, but I know that I will become someone. someday. somewhere. You might ask, do i have any good thing to share? em.. well. at least i am honest. I am here HONESLTY telling you that how evil i am. =P My life story? Maybe it is going to bore u outta ur mind. But I wrote this is not for the purpose to entertain u.
Childhood ~~~I was born n raise in Hong Kong. 288 months ago. I have an older sis. relationship was not good at all since i was born. I was once a happy lil gurl living w/ my parents. I am just like every other kid. I was happy, worry-free, innocent. I have so many friends before. And I was popular in school. Teacher likes me, and my classmates are jealous of me. I was really active in school activities. I was a librian, volleyball team player, afterschool volunteer. Things were just fine. my childhood was simple but really kick ass. Why my name is Sandy? When I was in second grade. My english teacher ask us to go home and ask ur parents if we got an enlgish name. I went home and ask my dad. He pull out some paper, and wrote down "Yuk-Kuen Lam", and hey, that is my chinese name translated to English. I think that sounds lame. and i want a real english name. so i went back to my teacher and beg her to give me a name. I guess she think i look so "Sandy". so she named me Sandy. haha
Teenage years ~~~I moved to Ca when I was 13. I was alone and scared. I have no friends and whatsoever. I hate to start thing over. I guess it is just a normal human reaction. All i can say is that LA suck. In school, I have no friends, and I don��t feel motivated at all. From eight grade to twelve grade. It was empty, I do not have any valuable memory. time was such a wasted and meaningless. Now looking back,, I know that how much fun I missed out and how much time I wasted. If i can roll back the clock, i would definiately love to change history. After I grad from highschool, I started to go junior college - PCC. That was when I started to realize that I need my life back. I met more new friends, go hang out more, I love going out, hanging out, eating out. I love meeting new people.
Philosophy of life ~~~ i don't think i am greedy. i just wanna be a happy typical person. I get happy easily and sad easily. i can feel really satisfy with just a bag of chip holding in my hand.
Guys ~~~ I realized that 99% of guys in this world are jerk. I am not insulting anyone, but this is really how I feel rite now. guys always like to take advantage, w/o knowing that how deep they hurt a person heart. I dun need no men in my life. Would that make u weak? I can be totally independent. And I dun need any pity from them. To me, guys are dangerous. all they did is hurt me. They are like silent poison. it won't kill u but they would make u suffer slowing& surely. *sigh* Looking at people surrounding me, I see none of them are like me. I was never spoiled, and did I mention I never get any allowance after I hit 13 yrs old? is not that my parents won't give it to me. i just don't ask them anymore. I rather not spending unnessessary money when i see them work their ass off everyday. Was i too mature? i guess i was. I walk home every single day for 1 hr instead of spending $1.35 for bus. That was why I was so dark when I was in high school. I never have a bf who pick me up off school. was i jealous? hell ya.. but what can i do? i guess i wasn't attractive enough. I didn��t start dating until I was 18. I never buy any fancy stuffs until I start earning my first penny. I felt that I was very pathetic in those years.
In 20��s ~~~ my vision became more clear. And I can feel that I got much more power rite now. i got all the freedom in the world. I can speak louder w/ my own opinion. I would argue w/ someone when their ideas r contradicting w/ mine. And I started to look thru the angel & devil side of ppls. and i am don't care about other people failutre no more. i say this, cuz i am mad and disappointed. for once i was stupidly believe that if i can treat a person nice, i will get the same return. LIfe does't work that way. Now i realized that 1+1 does not equal to 2. And I am confused with the definition of ��best friend, close friend��. What is best friend? You tell me. I once thought that I have many friends w/ few best friend. But ultimately I have none. Everybody is selfish in some way. Who is gonna be there for me when i need them? Who can promise friendship never change? it just sounds too good to be true. I can��t blame on anyone, cuz it is the reality. Everywhere is the same. My best friend right now is my written journals. Ironic? Yes. I am not arguing that. I feel crappy. I am happy in one minute, and the next minute I am a mess. I think my problem is that I do thing that I follow my heart, not my brain. I constantly let my emotion rule over my action. I do not care about the consequence if I think that my action will make me feel better. I hate people lie to me. A naked truth is always better than a well-dressed lie. Sadly, Who can judge what is right and wrong? what is black and white? there is always offblack and offwhite. It might be right to you, but might not be true to someone else. I don't care how other people look at me. They can hate me, love me and judge me. i really don't give a damn. Cuz i already see enough fake people. I guess I won��t learn unless I fell and get hurt and bleed. I think that is life. I want to taste sweet and sour, I just want to make everyday fulfilling and not regreting.
Future~~~ doesn't really matter. who know what will happen?! Maybe everybody will die from SARS. but rite now i have the most important thing in my life. i luv my honey and my family. What more do i want? i treasure every single day with my boi. All i need is just you hon. Words can't express how much ya mean to me. I was once a major character in a sad movie, and I was also a super star in a comedy. my role change everyday. I might have no audiences, but I won my own Oscar every year. =P
Life is a Journey, You are the Star, Act your Role.
I am not an easy fall in love kinda person. I only loved few people in my life. Each time i am deadly serious. I gave my whole heart to them, and often I hope to get something equivalent in return. I got hurted. Deeply hurted. There are few people I still cannot let go in my heart. They are really important to me, but I don't know what can I do to have them back in my life. I still don't understand why people are so selfish. I don't know... If I die one day.. it is their fault.. because they choose to hurt me and I cannot take it no more. �`�ȧA���n��� �`�ȧA���b�ڪ��ͬ� �`�ȧA�|���R�� �`�ȥ��h�R�H���i�� �`�ȿW�ۤ@�H���@�� �`�ȨS�����U�h�����Y ��ӤH�@�_, �`��������襢��o�Ӧh�C�Ӧh������, �ֿn�_��, ���ѷ|�ܦ�����C ���ɭ�, �@�ǷL�p������|�ܦ��߱�C���Ӵ���L���ѥi�H����, �L�����, ���ګܥ���C�M��, �ڷ|�߱���Ѹ�L�����C����, �ש�i�H�����F�C�ڭ���b�@�_, �����ֵּL�k�ήe�C�ڤ��T�|�Q:�p�G���O����L�@��, �ڭ̷|���o�������? �M��, ���椣�|�û�������ܦ��߱檺�C �L�@���S�@�����೭�ڡC�O��, �ک��եL���ܦh�z�Ѥ���, �����`�O�L�i�קK�a�P�쥢��C���p�ڦb�L���جO���n��, ���D�L�N�����@�I�ɶ���ڨ�����?�L�J�M�˱o���ڥ���, �L���]�i�H���h�ڡC ��ӤH���b�@�_���ɭ�, �`�O�|���観�ܦh����, �`�O�H������ۤv���Q�k�ܱ���C�M��, �K���K�@���S�@�����P�쥢��C������L�|�o�˹��?������L�|�o�˰�?������L�٬O���֧�L?������L�@�I�]���ñ���? ���ڭ̵o�{�ۤv�����P�쥢���, �ڭ��`�O��ۤv��:"�U�@��, �ڷ|���q�����L����C"�ڭ̱`�`�H���٦��ܦh�ɶ�, �٦��ܦh���|�h���v, �o�����D, ���x�g����F�C���檺�@��, �R�]�H�����u�C�������ƤF, �L�k�A���^�C That is what I have so far. For more to come? You have to wait until I grow up����.
***Well, after you read all this crap. you might say, "Who Cares". Yes. Who Cares, even i dun care. but btw, if anyone of you care about me so much. If you read from the first word to the end. haha... u really deserve a hug from me. *** ~~~~~~BadBad~~~~~~4/14/2003 4:46:15p.m.