-I'll get a world record for this.
-Hey there's no handles inside these car doors!
-Gee, that's a cute tattoo.
-What does this button do?
-So, you're a cannibal.
-It's probably just a rash.
-The odds of that happening have to be a million to one!
-What duck?
-What do you mean, "I'll be back"?
-Pull the pin and count to what?
-Which wire was I supposed to cut?
-I wonder where the mother bear is.
-I've seen this done on TV.
-These are the good kind of mushrooms.
-I hope they speak English.
-Give me liberty or give me death.
-It's strong enough for both of us.
-That birthmark on your head looks like 999.
-This doesn't taste right.
-I can make this light before it changes.
-Nice doggie.
-I can do that with my eyes closed.
-I've done this before.
-Well we've made it this far.
-That's odd.
-Now watch this.
SOME GUOTABLE QUOTES
- I didn't fight my way to the top of the food chain to be a vegetarian.
- I took an IQ test and the results were negative.
- Few women admit their age; fewer men act it.
- Time is the best teacher; unfortunately,
it kills all its students.
One night, a twin-engine puddle jumper was
flying somewhere above New Jersey. There were five people on board: the pilot, Michael Jordan, Bill Gates, the Dali Lama, and a hitch-hiking hippie. Suddenly, an oxygen generator exploded loudly in the luggage compartment and the passenger cabin was boiling with smoke.
The cockpit door opened and the pilot burst into the cabin. 'Gentlemen,' he began, 'I have good news and bad news. The bad news is that we're about to crash in New Jersey. The good news is that there are four parachutes, and I have one of them!' With that, the pilot threw open the door and jumped from the plane. Michael Jordan was on his feet in a flash. 'Gentlemen,' he said, 'I am the world's greatest athlete. The world needs great athletes. I think the world's greatest athlete should have a parachute!'
With these words, he grabbed one of the remaining parachutes and hurtled through the door out into the night.
Bill Gates rose and said, 'Gentlemen, I am the
world's smartest man. The world needs smart men. I think the world's smartest man should have a parachute too.' He grabbed one, and out he jumped.
The Dali Lama and the hippie looked at one
another. Finally, the Dali Lama spoke. 'My son,' he said, 'I have lived a satisfying life and have known the bliss of True Enlightenment. You have your life ahead of you; you take a parachute, and I will go down with the plane.' The hippie smiled slowly and said, 'Hey, don't worry Pop. The world's smartest man just jumped out wearing my backpack!'