Its just one of them bad days for me its more like those bad few months! I had a wow of a boyfriend Brock�mmm mmm drop dead studly. But that last few months have been our worst battle. With ups and downs, and lots of things just going wrong and it was driving me insane�.He was driving me insane. Unfortunately Bazil, a sweet south African lad walked into my life, treatn me like a princess and making me smile every time I was upset or just not feeling well...I just don�t think he ever heard me say how sweet Brock really was, coz I was always upset and bitching. I really should have showered him with all Brock�s good points, but of course I didn�t so he thinks he is so bad for me. SO the time came when I was out with Baz and Brock drew the last straw. Ringing me and checking on me coz I had sent a message saying � I was high as a mother fucker�, he asked if I had smoked week and I hadn�t thought I had had 1 smoke I knew I had said I didn�t but I confessed to my lie the next day. He was disappointed in me but yeah why live life not trying new things or doing stuff that you just do, (no point regretting it). Sunday I called it over. We had a tanty about how he had said I love you to this chick Amanda (this chick in Brisbane who I�ve been hating b�coz of jealousy and coz she loves Brock and told him) I was upset bcoz he contradicted himself. I had once said I love u to someone and got in trouble for it and when I did he said he would never be able to say it to any one else but me�yeah mmmmm hmmmm�.. Well she rang him at 2am so I sent her a message asking why she called. Her reply was something along the lines of �why cant I call you aren�t I good enough for you I called to tell you I love you��. Sorry but that�s not what a girlfriend wants to hear from another chick. So I�ve hated her when he was partly to blame I guess� Really I don�t know the story but it made me uncomfortable and he was always changing the story. He begged for us to go back out but I was too stressed, so stressed that my health has become an issue. Its like having period pain 24/7 maybe too much info for you that�s how bad it got. He�d suggested all these ideas and a few days later I just had to tell him. He asked if we would go back out and I said �not any time soon�. I was pretty devastated at myself for saying no but it had to be done. A week later Friday I found out he was moving on. My friend who talks to him too had mentioned to me that he was going to go out with his ex to the movies. Being me, very stupid, I got all upset and cried. And Adam it wasn�t your fault I was crying so don�t blame yourself. Previously he had said something like he hated being single so I assumed he was going to go back out with her. So Saturday night after work I went out with Baz. We went to Steph�s party but couldn�t get in so we went lapping. With Numpy driving Baz and I sat in the back. He gave me a smurdof, which I sculled and got a bit tipsy from considering that I hadn�t eaten for the past 2 days, and ended up getting friendly with him and ended up kissing him and being classified �his girl� which is cool coz its not the usual �will you go out with me � crap that�s for grade 2ers> I thought this was fine. Hell if Brock wasn�t going to mourn about me I wasn�t going to about him. But now I am� sure we had our bad times but Saturday�s have now become so empty. I don�t have him brushing my hair out of my face to wake me up, or to come and do boring shopping with. So I�ve lost one hell of a part of my life. I don�t if he ever got with Sam I don�t think he did but now I feel stupid. I know I like Baz a lot but I don�t think he actually loves me. It wasn�t like the love Brock and I had when we first met, so now I am so damn confused its not funny and I�m left heart broken. My choices now? I�m going to leave Brock alone. He seems to be doing a lot better a5t school and I can just see his mum jumping up and down now that we�ve broken up. She never liked me as much as she tried to deny it. I know all the names she�s called me and know what she probably thinks I don�t know. So now I�m with Baz I�ll see what happens. He�s leaving me for a months or 2 to go to Weipa for work so in that time I�ll figure myself out. One rule Baz lives by is never go back. I want to go back and fix things but I think I�ve screwed up to badly now. Brock will never want me back. But I had one of those dreams we shared, last night, I hadn�t had one in so long, it now scares me. Now I miss you. I�ll leave you with a quote �Never look through green eyes, coz the real colours wont be seen and you will blink and miss probably miss something you can never have back�� And for sheree �Boys may = gay but girls = confusion when it comes to boys�