There’s now that new experience I am dealing with. It’s called loneliness. For the first time in 4 years I’ve spent a week alone. Sitting alone, feeling alone, dreaming alone. Doing things….alone. I go to bed at night, place my phone beside my pillow like I used to do and sit around hoping for someone to send me a message telling me that they love me but it never come. I go to bed and wake up everyday and every night lonely. Sure I got my friends who love me and my family but not someone who makes me feel special like a princess or gives me butterflies just being with them. I guess that is what I miss most, just feeling special… I’m realising the cold hard fact that I don’t think I can love anyone any more. It hurts so much just to let go of someone, and to think things would have been easier if you were just friends like you are now in the first place…was it the fact you let yourself love them? Why did you love them? More to the point what is love? Is it just that special feeling of butterflies? Or the intimate feelings that you got? Why can’t you just love all your friends? What makes one guy/girl stand out from the rest? So many questions I could sit down and ask myself. One I defiantly can’t answer… Why didn’t you say everything you wanted to say about how much you loved him to everyone? There was so much to say that I never did. More the fact things I shouldn’t have. The reaction is simply one of pain. It hurts now to question myself about my feelings. But my feelings are being questioned. I need to know can I ever love again? Will I ever have the same feelings again? Am I destined to screw up and hurt myself over and over for the rest of my life…?