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| "I weigh over 300 pounds....it's disgusting. Being fat is a fate worse than any I can imagine. How pathetic am I? only god knows." -Ashley McFatty, Wellington |
| Ladies and Gentlemen we are a nation of big people. I intend to aid the problem by opening a small factory business which I have dubbed 'THE FAT FACTORY'. In order for this business venture to work, I need the funds to put it into action. Hence this web-site, where I will give a brief outline of what 'The Fat Factory' actually is and details on how you can become involved in this project. |
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| Fact: Fat people are a nuisance to society. Fact: World wide hunger would come to an end if all the body fat in the world could be spread around evenly. Fact: This makes fat people greedy bastards. Fact: That makes it perfectly acceptable to mistreat and belittle them. For thousands of years the hidden power the overweight individual pocesses has gone unharnessed. It is an untapped resource. Until now. Over the past few weeks I have been thoughroughly researching into the possiblities of using this excess fat to the countries advantage. You see, at this present date, there is still not yet a cheap form of electricity production. This is where I started to put two and two together and utimately came up with the idea of using the overweight population to generate electricity by exercise. |
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| So the plan goes like this: Everyone who invests money into this scheme will be given a truck, and it is their responsibilty to travel to their assigned place in New Zealand and load their truck up with overweight people. Cattle prods will be issued. Once the truck is full (and it will be fairly quickly as fat people take up alot of room) the truck will return to my warehouse in, say, Palmerston North to offload the cargo and have them weighed. This is where your fattys will be put to work. I have drawn a sketch of the planned warehouse where they will sleep and work (but not eat): |
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| Proposed warehouse. |
| Once the FP (Fat People) arrive they will be weighed and immediately set to work. How will this function? To put it simply, I will be using the old burger-on-the-end-of-a-stick method. Timeless and effective. What happens is that the collar and stick is attached around the neck of the FP and they are placed on a treadmill. Because the FP is hungry (and believe me, they always are.) they chase the burger, which makes the treadmill turn. This turning makes a cog turn, which runs to a fanbelt. The turning powers a generator. There you have it...POWER!! |
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| Treadmill: made with tough products to withstand any weight |