Sheath cleaning. It's a thankless job, but somebody has to do it. Except sometimes they don't. They don't know how. Or it seems too delicate, too messy, too embarrassing, or too darned revolting to attempt. And when that happens, who suffers?

The horse.

That's because sebaceous glands lining a male horse's sheath secrete a dark,waxy substance called smegma. Smegma mingles with grime, grit, and shed skin debris, accumulating in the deep folds lining his sheath and in his urethral recess, a small blind pouch just inside his penis. When that happens, he definitely needs a scrub.

Although some male horses squeak by without ever having their sheaths cleaned, ignoring the problem is risky business. Stallions and geldings should have it done every two to six months; sometimes more often if they're elderly or their sheaths or penises have been damaged.

Suppose a horse hasn't been cleansed on a regular basis? How would we know he needed a scrub?

Because his sheath was itchy and irritated, he might start rubbing his tail. We'd probably notice dark, gummy smegma speckling his inside hind legs. When he let down his penis, the pink-skinned parts of his penile shaft might be angry pink. The organ would be scaly or waxy-looking. If he wasn't cleaned, and soon, and the bean in his urethral pouch continued to grow, he'd find it increasingly harder to urinate. His penis would become inflamed: bright, burning red, swollen, weepy, and sore. Bacterial infection might settle in and we'd find pus in the folds of his sheath. His penis would ooze foul-smelling fluid. Because the inside surface of a horse's sheath is deeply folded (to allow the extension of his dropped penis) and because, inflamed, it's capable of swelling many times its usual size, the lining might expand to form a restrictive collar, trapping his penis in or outside of his sheath. With his penis trapped inside, he could urinate, but with difficulty. Urine might accumulate, causing still more infection and inflammation. Trapped outside, fluid might accumulate inside his penis and it would swell. Fluid seeping from his sheath and penis would make the organ increasingly raw and tender, its covering thick and dry. Eventually the skin would die. He might never again be able to retract his penis. He'd be in deep, dire straits.

It's better to keep him clean&emdash;but not too clean. Some breeders wash their stallions, before and after breeding, with antiseptics like chlorhexide and Betadine. Clean is keen, but overuse of antiseptics destroys beneficial as well as harmful bacteria. The results? Same as above: pain, inflammation, infection, and trouble galore.

And consider this: smegma accumulation is a strong predisposing cause of squamous cell carcinoma, a malignant cancer of the penis and sheath.

So. I think you'll agree. Messy, embarrassing, or offensive as it may seem, your male horse needs his sheath cleaned too. Grab your scrubbin' supplies and let's get started.

You won't need prepackaged preparations to clean your horse's sheath. Mild soap will do nicely. Not detergent, not fragrance-laden body cleansers, just plain soap. Ivory is the traditional horseman's standby. Until 1991, Proctor and Gamble sold pure Liquid Ivory, today's Liquid Ivory is an altogether different formula. Your best bet for an inexpensive, gentle sheath washing solution: old-fashioned Ivory bar soap worked into a lather in your hands. But read the label before you buy. Proctor and Gamble markets two bar soaps. The one marked "Ivory Soap ® 99 44/100% Pure ® It Floats" is the real McCoy. Or opt for the commercial alternative: Sani-Sheath or Excalibur sheath cleaners for horses. These mild, mint-scented green gels contain anti-fungal, anti-bacterial, antiseptic Tea Tree oil. Their other ingredients aren't listed.

You'll also need a palm-size sponge, two buckets of warm (not hot) water, and if your horse will tolerate it, a warm water hose without a nozzle. If he hasn't been cleaned for awhile (or never), have petroleum jelly, olive, baby, or mineral oil standing by.

If you're squeamish, wear a close-fitting pair of latex gloves. Floppy rubber gloves won't do. If you aren't especially fastidious, forget gloves. It's easier to feel what you need to and to grasp your horse's penis without them. Though smegma is nobody's eau de cologne, it's not that terribly nasty, and you can scrub with anti-bacterial hand soap when you're finished.

If your horse has never had his sheath cleaned or if he has and you know he strongly objects, recruit someone to restrain him. A twitch or Scotch hobble might be in order. Herbal or homeopathic relaxants like B-Kalm, Quietex, or Calm and Cool could help. Or if your horse has been rampy about having his sheath cleansed before, ask your veterinarian to tranquilize him. Xylazine or acepromazine tranquilizers are a boon; as those drugs relax him, his penis will naturally drop.

Tie your horse high and safely to an immovable hitching station, with your assistant standing by to restrain or reassure him as needed. Stand close to your horse's left side. Unless you're absolutely certain he won't cow kick, stay well foreward of his flank. If he kicks, be prepared to shoulder your weight against his barrel and shove him off balance to avert the blow. If your horse objects, be patient but firm. While a few horses never learn to accept this process, most learn to enjoy or at least tolerate it.

Begin by soaking your horse's sheath, inside and out, with a warm-water saturated sponge. Liberally lather your hand or sponge with Ivory soap or squeeze a big dollop of commercial sheath cleaning product into your palm, and carefully enter the sheath. Work the lather or gel into the deep folds of the inner sheath, then withdraw and wait four or five minutes for the solution to soften and unstick the goo inside. Reenter the sheath and gently pick off any smegma that easily comes away, rinsing often to dislodge more debris.

Unless your horse likes this process (some do), he's probably reeled his penis as far up into the nether regions of his sheath as it will go. Bolster up your courage, reach up in there and grasp his organ as best you can. Don't tug, just patiently hold on. When he seems reasonably comfortable with this bizarre development, begin s-l-o-w-l-y inching his penis out of his sheath.

When it's extended as far as he'll allow, sluice it with warm soapy water, swabbing off loose scales and smegma as you go. Check the blind pouch above your horse's urethral opening, located inside the tip of his penis. Gently prise out the smegma bean lodged there, if he has one. When everything seems slick and tidy, flood his sheath and penis with warm, clean water; only then let go of his organ. He'll quickly reel it in. If he'll allow it, finish by inserting a slow-flowing warm water hose into his sheath to flush away traces of lingering residue. That's it!

If your horse's sheath and penis were especially messy, you might not have gotten him as clean as you'd have liked. If so, reach back in his sheath and slather on a thick coating of petroleum jelly, olive, mineral, or baby oil to soften and loosen the smegma you missed. Cleanse him again in two or three days.

Now that your horse is squeaky clean, occasionally monitor his sheath for smegma accumulation. When it begins to build and you can peel small clumps away with your fingers, it's time for another scrub.

And when cleaning your male horse's sheath, check your mares' udders too. Non-lactating broodmares or other mares with large, slack udders sometimes amass impressive globs of smegma between their teats. If your mare scratches her tail because of gooey smegma accumulation, gentle wash her udder with sheath cleaning solution. She'll be mighty grateful you did.

A final tip: some folks delay the inevitable by, once a month or so, smearing the insides of their horses' sheaths with olive, mineral, or baby oil. Don't substitute petroleum jelly for routine maintenance; it collects too much dust and debris.

Sheath cleaning. It's a thankless job, but somebody has to do it. Still, once you've tried it, I think you'll agree: it isn't as bad as it seems.