the soft green of a desert canyon slope
in spring
after a well watered winter
and the cold swift stream
of the mountain melt
bubbling through the rocks and roots
like truth rushing away before you realize
it is gone

a tendril of thought
in a spiral
through time
same places
different times
arching curves
patterns of life
dancing round each other
barely touching

influence all that follow
 
 

25 March 2001
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cinnamon laden semiotics
and strong coffee
loop back to reinforce the point
that you must think
recursively

think like i do
think like i do
think like i do

not what i do
but like it

enjoy the tangle of discourse
elaborately constricting what you posit until
it bursts forth
exploding like thought
into a fractile structure
that might be everything everywhere
or not
as everything is connected
and there are no closed systems

women have always known this

walking around in circles
between thought and flesh
life and death
repeating pathways
over and over
ever different
like the light on the mountains
or shadows on a naked breast at twilight
takes you to new places by old paths

in the night sky
through time
in the arctic circle
or afghanistan
amid the beat poets
the process of deconstructing process
was yours
before the nuevo vague
deconstructed absurdity
beyond the semblance of reason

i like to think about how
the why is always problematic
informed by the when
the where
and the who

who knows
you
 

march 2001
 
 

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it seems so simple
the past is past
and now is now
ribbons of connection
surface
across the time so vast
faded in the sunlight
flutter only on a tattered breeze
of a thought and moments passage
where willows have grown and shaded
what were marshy sun soaked banks
their awnings of remembrance
obscure a foggy visage
a limberlost dream
until your smile cast a memory
of what never could have been

a simple reflection
of possibilities unlived
as the clock chimed the hour
and all was left unsaid
 
 

jan 29 2001
 

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my self-professed downfall

 
 

words and form betray the different worlds
we lived in 
how we shaped our words
the confident script, the childish scrawl
the complementary world of 
rulers and peasants
the haves and the have nots 
my universe defies entropy 
moves to complex pattern 
closer to what you’ve always known

at times I still feel a frightened stranger 
in the land of males and judgments

you ask me why I acted as I did
in silence
a farmer’s daughter, poacher’s daughter, 
klansman’s daughter
do you really need to ask
about sins of the fathers
I do penance for generations 

they should have protected me
they would have killed for me

time and again 
even now
I cry, "why?" into the night sky
there is no answer

all was guilt
you thought you knew it all
you did not know me
you thought it all for you
how I wish it had been 
such a sweet childish fantasy

unlived unloved alone
and ruined
too soon the girl child turned bitter woman

many women walk defiant
chins held high to hide
the trembling jaw of shame
pliant and brittle
like willows along my daddy’s ditch
overgrown, untended
easily bent by capricious wind
or snapped by human hand

you will never understand
the gentle touch I’ll never know
all I hoped you would teach me
why still I call you friend
though you turned away
as boys will
when sated
 
 

01 aug 01

nancy faye hill
copyright 2001 
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no one left to tell me there was laughter
 

time perplexes me
it was
it isn't
it is  memory
when the attic door opens
all i see is dust
gathering softly
rebuilding the layers i disturbed

finally facing the pain
i walked into places of the past
looking for memories of another
and saw you looking back

memories of you
ended with tears streaming hot
and salted into unhealed wounds
sabotaging tenuous links
but answering age old questions

when a memory fall in the woods
and there is no one there to share it
it makes no sound
 

30 May 2001
 

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