| Crush |
Written by Phil Ford Directed by Herbert Wise Produced by Baz Taylor The focus of the episode is a gang of steamers who rush mob-handed into a shop/market/etc armed with baseball bats and perfumes sprays, create havoc and grab goods. The big gasp and ooh ah point is supposed to be the fact that they are a group of teenage girls � well, welcome to the 21st century! I was expecting the worst - 47 minutes of Kate (who, even with less hair, I find as annoying as an untended car alarm mostly) and Chandler smoogling on each other - and it was way, way, WAY better than that � lots of CULLEN!!!!!!!! and more exploration of the Cullen and Chandler dynamic - fas-cin-ating! The episode opens with Reg and Des watching a wedding group pose for photos outside a fancy hotel � then suddenly things start crashing out of windows as the steamer gang arrives. Reg and Des give ineffective chase. Duncan and Vik are the next characters on scene. They let the audience know about the steamer gang and give them a name � The Tank Girls. Now we get to the crucial stuff � Alex�s first appearance ;-) [Brief pause for a fashion note � Alex is wearing a dark grey suit, palest blue/grey shirt and steel blue tie with �spots� on it.] Alex is standing in front of the superintendent�s desk while Tom circles him prodding and poking. (Metaphorically speaking, in case you can�t guess!) Goodness only knows if the people responsible even remember the previous three episodes but this does fit. You could come up with a variety of motivations: Tom is still angry that Alex dared to think about leaving, angry that he was betrayed into showing/realising how much that would have meant to him, Tom is focussed on re-establishing his dominant position in the relationship - or just that this gang are making us look like monkeys? Alex � well, Alex is giving off pretty mixed signals. He stand in front of the desk, head a little bowed, as meek and mild as any Super could wish � but he answers him more as an equal than he often does and there�s precious few �sirs� to be heard. They�re a bunch of schoolgirls, Alex! We�re doing what we can. (Head down) Well, it obviously isn�t good enough, is it? Tom points out the possible link between the wedding attack and the bride�s father being a JP � then continues to prod away. �I don�t want anything overlooked. It won�t be. More what-you-should-be-doing advice from Tom � adding weight to my hypotheses that: (1) he should never have become a Superintendent yet � he�s far too active to really want a desk job (2) he used to be Alex�s DCI and hence his direct supervisor. This whole thing isn�t really a DI/Super matter. At any rate, Tom tells Alex that they need to try and get information from local kids. �We�ve tried talking to some of the kids � but you know how it is. They�re kids; we�re coppers. Exactly! Which is why it�s perhaps time we caught this gang. *** Alex stalks into the CID office and through to his office. He shuts the door firmly but the noise implies that he has slammed it � and that it is attached to a rickety wall at that ;-) Mickey looks at Kate. �Jeez, who rattled his cage?� We see Alex, through the office window, standing by his cupboard, one elbow resting on it and a hand to his brow then he drops the hand and stands there for a minute or staring in the direction of the window but obviously not seeing it. While we listen to Kate whinge about paperwork we see Alex sit down. *** Duncan is scouting around outside the reception when he finds a discarded wedding present and then a bridesmaid, who turns out to be the bride�s teenage sister. Vik appears and they leave. *** CID office at the end of the day � Paul and Mickey are heading for the pub but Kate has other plans. Vik and Duncan come in and Alex appears from his office to ask them for an update. Just as he turns to go back into his office Chandler pops in. It�s Kate that Chandler wants though � with considerable warmth he asks her to come down to see him in his office. Alex watches this with little expression � but what little there is, isn�t happy. Vik and Duncan make the first of many suggestive comments we hear in this ep about Chandler and Kate�s relationship. *** The next scene is in the Super�s office. Tom wants her to head a recruitment drive for the volunteer cadets � and is unimpressed by her smart remark. Whatever she may think he is not entirely enamoured of all aspects of her. A classic moment in this scene comes when he tells her, You�ve got the qualities we want to attract to the job. (Large breasts, propensity to dress like a pop star, sexual mores of a cat, total unwillingness to do any of the boring work of the job, willingness to trade on looks and sexuality to get what she wants� oh yeah, I can see how the Service needs more of that!) Tom then leans confidingly over his desk and demonstrates what a skunk he can be when he puts his mind to it (and that he has less than perfect grammar). Between you and I, Alex Cullen has been on their tails for a month now and he�s got nowhere. That�s not saying anything against him, of course! Of course, sir. A little later Chandler shows why he should be working for the Department of Education with a neat responsibility shuffle. Kate suggests, �and you want me to see what I can find out. [About the Tank Gang] No. [Sits back] I want you to build bridges, Kate � but any info you dig up along the way will be gratefully received. Have to say I think he�s being completely and uncharacteristically stupid here � Kate has �career disaster� written all over her. She�s stupid, immature and totally self-centred. She, like Debbie, wants glory without any work on her part. With Chandler even, I reckon, she fancies what he might be able to give her (promotion... the ability to flounce around the station saying "Mr Chandler said-" whenever there's something she doesn't want to do) but doesn't want to pay the price (sex). He just has to be daft to contemplate getting involved with someone who is going to make it so obvious what is going on and who is going to make it bleeding obvious that she expects special treatment. *** There�s a brief and seemingly unconnected Polly, Dave and Ben interlude in the canteen with Polly worrying about poor traumatised Ben and Ben behaving like the brat he is when Dave tries to help. *** CID office � a case conference by the look of it. The office is full with most regulars there and a sprinkle of Trevs. It�s obviously the next day as Alex is now clad in a grey suit and his lavender shirt and a mauvey-blue tie with faintly multi-coloured spots on it. Alex opens the meeting by pointing out, Mr Chandler thinks that they are taking the mick � and I agree with him. From there he runs what I would consider to be a model case conference � he considers every possibility, listens to everyone with respect and stays cool calm and collected even though he is obviously under considerable professional pressure. These girls are Mr Chandler�s top priority Oh, the smart remarks that I could make ;-) As the conference breaks up with everyone leaving Alex catches Kate to ask about her progress with the transcriptions. Kate sticks her stuck up little nose even further in the air (though to be fair she could simply be trying to see her much-taller DI�s face). Mr Chandler�s put me on a special job. Kate explains the nature of the special job and Alex exclaims in disbelief, Kate, you�re CID! You�re supposed to track down villains, not want-to-be coppers! Well, Mr Chandler thinks the scheme is very important. It�s not the scheme I�ve got a problem with! It is perfectly obvious in this scene that Alex is not impressed by either Kate or Chandler but there is little he can say. *** Chandler�s office. Kate discovers to her displeasure that she won�t be working on this alone � Di is also seconded to it. The thing is, of course, that: (a) Chandler does still have one or two wits floating around on a sea of hormones and isn�t going to make this any more screamingly obvious than it is all ready (b) Chandler, typically, is aiming to score all round on this � it is an excuse to get his paws on Kate, but he also wants the scheme promoted and information on the gang collected. *** The next scene is at the school that has mysteriously sprung up in the middle of Sun Hill � neither the name (Hambleden Green) or the location have ever been used before to my recollection. Di and Kate give the kids a talk about the cadets but the main purpose here is for Kate�s incredible effect on men to be demonstrated yet again - both the deputy principal and a wet little teenager named Danny do drooling as a demonstration sport at the sight of her. (I am so with Di � What is it with you and men?) and for us to meet the gang members, though they are not identified as such. We are also treated to some half-baked psycho babble about the use of perfume in the attacks being paradoxical and a means for the Tank Girls to demonstrate that they are �tough girls�. I hate to rain on their parade but it�s a very logical weapon � it�s cheap, it�s easy to buy, it�s totally legal to carry and it is convenient and easy to use. *** Duncan and Vik are in a car discussing the case � and Kate. Duncan: Get real! A bunk up with him�s a great career move! Indeed it could well be � shame, though, that they no-one has found an explanation for why Chandler - the ultimate career conscious copper - would do something that can only risk his career and carries no possible career benefits for him. As part of the conversation Vik reminisces about how when he was at school he used to �dig up old folks� garden� as community service and then has a classic (but poorly acted) �light bulb� moment of dawning comprehension. It isn�t, however, explained to the audience. *** The next scene is at Sun Hill � in a corridor somewhere. I think it is outside CID but it is shot at an unusual angle. Initially Kate and Alex meet. Kate! School finished for the day? D�you think that you could spare CID some of your time now? [Sulky nod] Guv. Even more sarcastically � Very good of you. Just then Chandler pops out a door and says �Kate!� with great enthusiasm. While they talk we get to see Alex�s very expressive face � which moves from a not-impressed-with Kate look to a resigned-despair-with Tom look. The faces he makes could be interpreted as �Here we go again� or �I don�t want to do this�. As soon as Tom can drag his gaze from the departing Kate he turns on Alex (obviously knowing well that attack is the best form of defence). Soooo � how are you getting on with that steamer gang? Well, it doesn�t help when you take good officers [nods in the direction Kate left in] away from me. Slight pause from Tom � I think this was a little more upfront than he was expecting from Alex � then aggressively, Meaning? Alex, bless him, isn�t intimidated and actually takes a more strongly voiced stand, I don�t think assigning Kate Spears to a junior recruitment drive is exactly �maximising my resources� when I need them. Tom looks down (to think?) and Alex presses his point. School visits is Uniform's province. It�s the province of whoever I think is suitable [looks up] for the job, Alex. [Pause] And in this case [turns to look after her] I think Kate has the position and personality to achieve what I want from this exercise. Alex doesn�t back down. Which is what? [Disapproving look] A dialogue with the school kids of Sun Hill [head swoop] which is something I think we need right now � don�t you? Alex�s look of disapproval doesn�t change. Tom, however, walks off on those words. Alex watches him go and tightens his lips. *** Duncan and Vik are in the DI�s office explaining about Vik�s theory that the gang are bunking off during community service time, as did Vik and his mates. Alex plays with his fingers and considers the matter. Eventually he gives them the okay to try and follow that up � but reminds them to be available for the following afternoon as that is when Canley Markets are on. *** The uniform sergeants� office with June and Alex present. It�s a traditional enough scene � DI asking for uniform bodies and uniform reluctant to hand them over � but the great thing about these two is that both of them behave like reasonable adults. Alex wants five officers for his market stakeout and gets three � and a bit of a nasty shock when June is able to predict, correctly, which CID officer Mr Chandler would have nicked. I don�t think poor dear dumb (in the way many decent and straightforward people are) Alex has any idea how widespread or scurrilous the gossip about Chandler and Kate is. *** Kate and Di visiting a youth club. It gets off well when Kate objects to Di observing, �If you�ve got it, flaunt it�. (Good thing she couldn�t hear what the fans said about her. ;-)) Little wet Danny Lloyd arrives drooling at that point, though, so the fight is postponed while they head inside where Di plays ping pong with the bridesmaid (Debbie Pike) and Kate talks to the same kids we saw at the school. Points to Kate for her usual level of people skills � It�s not grassing; it�s being a responsible citizen. Hands up everyone that convinced! As soon as they leave Miss I-don�t-like-the-truth starts performing again until Di tells her, �gang using perfume as weapon? Well, I think you�re doing pretty much the same thing, except that you don�t need a baseball bat. Whether she would have thrown one we�ll never know, as Drooling Danny arrived then to offer to find out info. Di at least had the decency to tell him to be careful *** Market scene on what apparently was the first sunny day in England in 18 years � I�ve certainly never seen so many, if any, officers in sunnies before! ;-) On the other hand I�m quite prepared to view footage of Alex looking like that any time ;-) The sunlight was glinting on the red � sorry - ruby hair, he was wearing fairly small, very dark - and dark rimmed - sunnies and a navy long sleeved and v-necked top. Thooood! I take back all my objections to v-neck clothing ;-) I don�t, unfortunately, have any pics of this phenomenon but if you go to www.badzena.com and check out the Alex Cullen galleries there�s one at #45 (thanks to Shona for outstanding research). I do have this pic which reminds me of our sunny wearing cool cat DI ;-) Alex is up on an overhead walkway or something with Vik - were, of course, the gang will spot them thanks to Kate's tip-off! *** Reg and Des are doing traffic duties when Reg (who is not ogling the punter) sees a woman dragged down a walkway by a gang of girls. By the time they get there, though, the girls are gone and the woman is on the ground clutching her small child and crying that she can�t see. *** I don�t swear myself or like swearing but I have to say the four letter word Cullen utters when this news comes through is both beautifully delivered and pretty much justified. (Did I mention he also looks gorgeous? I gotta learn how to screen cap!) *** We cut back to the woman with Reg and Des. She explains that she saw them nicking clothes and even though she did nothing about it they came after her. She did see some of their faces but she won�t make a statement, as she is too scared. *** CID. Alex is sitting on Paul�s desk, talking to Duncan and Vik while Vik makes him a cuppa. Being our sensible and just Alex he does admit that Vik was right that they might well guess that we were there (of course he didn�t know that Kate had pointed out that you need to look up to spot obbo points!) Chandler comes in then and in his best smooth-as-silk someone�s-going-to-die voice says, Alex, can I have a word in your office? *** We�re inside Alex�s office and Alex is defending what they�ve been doing with passion and vigour (not to mention volume � I don�t feel you would argue like this with the Super if he wasn�t a mate). Alex paces while Tom stands near his desk. Alex points out that now they�ve got a witness who has seen some of them � and Chandler points out with equal truth that she�s too scared to testify. Alex responds that she might, given time. Well, I hope so because I�ve had the press on the phone to me again today asking why we haven�t caught anybody. [Alex sighs] I don�t like being made to look a fool, Alex � especially by a bunch of school girls! I know that! [Shouting] I know you do. [Much calmer] Hello? Could someone tell me what that is about? I mean, I can come up with ten million theories -but did the writers mean to make it sound as though they were referencing some sort of shared history? There�s silence then while Tom gives Alex a long look as he walks to the door. So don�t let me down, yeh? The camera slides across to Alex who is shaking his head (and incidentally looking gorgeous). There�s another wobbly door shutting noise � at this rate the whole partition is going to fall over. ;-) Tom walks out and over to Kate. Alex turns a little as he lifts his cup for a drink and sees them. He watches, tight-lipped, through the window. Kate and Tom walk out of CID talking guardedly about her investigation. As she trails hopefully after him he does the sudden charming smile and says he�s starving � would she like to discuss it over a meal? She looks well interested. *** Jimmy and Di find Debbie Pike, the bridesmaid, beaten up and perfume sprayed. *** Tom and Kate are in a restaurant. They are well-matched � neither have quite grasped the empty your mouth before you talk rule. Kate passes on the DP�s theory but then shrugs it isn�t her case. Tom explains yet again that she is supposed to be getting info on it. *** It�s a new day and Duncan is talking to Debbie Pike and her father, a JP, in the hospital � to no result. Sister and new husband come in as well. *** Tom, Alex and Duncan are in Alex�s office. Alex is now wearing a dark grey suit, a white shirt and a slightly too short tie � dark blue with some sort of gold shape on it. Alex is being reasonable and saying that he can�t blame the girl for not wanting to talk. Duncan says that the JP can�t think of any likely suspects. Alex says, Then push him � he could be the key to taking this guy off the streets. That gets him a long look - half measuring, half surprised - from Tom. *** Polly, Des and Di discuss Chandler and Kate in the canteen while Kate is at a nearby table and obviously hearing at least the trend of the conversation. *** Kate runs out of the station to catch Tom in the car park. She tells him that she has someone who might help � but it�s �delicate�. Tom � Run delicate by me. He�s 16. I see. Chandler does another little responsibility wiggle and says that he�ll rely on her judgement (oddly enough this member of the public feels that a Superintendent should be more able to make a difficult judgement call). June, arriving for work, presumably - though why this would be so when her relief are already on refs � watches them together. *** Duncan has another go at getting any information about people with grudges out of the JP. *** Kate and Di go back to HG school at Kate�s insistence. Kate then tells Di to wait in the car. She goes in and has a meeting with Danny Lloyd (love to know how she could have arranged that without parental permission!) where she flutters her eyelashes and basically tasks him with getting info. As she leaves the room she runs into Di who very rightly tells Miss Bossy Boots that she doesn�t tell her what to do. *** Back at the station Di demonstrates that she is a grown up copper by going to tell June about her suspicions that Kate is using Danny. *** June tries to talk to Kate at the coffee machine � reminding her of the regulation that if a child is being used for anything like this the parents must be fully consulted. Kate proceeds to demonstrate precisely why Chandler would be a very, very foolish man to contemplate her as a bed warmer. It�s got nothing to do with Di or uniform. Mr Chandler knows exactly what I�m doing. If you�ve got a problem then take it up with him. [Smirk] *** Mickey and Kate in the canteen � he tries to be nice to her and to warn her. He gets his head bitten off for his pains but does keep trying. Goodness, that girl doesn�t deserve Mickey! She does finally respond a bit more politely, then her phone rings and it seems to be Danny. *** Des and Reg are in the car, discussing Kate and Chandler. After telling Reg that he�s not Chandler�s type he then responds to a query about whether Kate would be with total illogic. She�s got legs and pulse, hasn�t she? Last time I looked Reg still got around on legs and a pulse seems rather more than likely. I daresay, though, the writers were a little limited in what they felt he could say. They are then called to an assault � Danny being clobbered by the Tank Gang. Reg stays with Danny and Des gives chase. He does corner one but owing to his usual cocky arrogance gets clobbered instead (to my cheers, I must confess ;-)) *** Kate comes to stare through hospital ward window � in a D&M fashion � at Danny in hospital. *** Vik and Duncan arrive at the school just in time to run into the DP who is going to visit Danny in hospital. He tells them what Kaye has been up to. *** Scene opens with a great shot through the little window on the DI�s door. Alex is framed in the window with DI A CULLEN underneath. We hear the first lines from this POV. Oh and incidentally it is a new day � Alex is now wearing a dark blue suit, a deep blue shirt and a green tie. If my theories about this being a Chandler baiting outfit are incorrect then I don�t know what his problem is. D� you wanna explain yourself? [said very calmly] No, not really, guv � don�t feel the need to. (Right about then I would have jumped over the desk and beat her to death with a convenient trophy but Alex is made of far finer stuff. He stays very calm.) So what happened? I was trying to my job, guv, that�s all. Now he lets rip. Your job is working as part of this team! Not setting up Enid Blyton undercover operations Listen to me, Kate. My officers do not cut corners. You�re here to do a job � not score brownie points. Don�t you ever pull a stunt like this again. [Sulkily] No, guv. She demonstrates her true desire to make amends and improve her behaviour by sulking in the main office for a few minutes (while everyone else gawps at her) then going off to bully Danny in the hospital � and there were people who thought Boulton was inhuman! *** After the let�s-make-a-poor-hurt-sixteen-year-old-cry (how tough is she!) scene at the hospital Kate goes to see Debbie Pike and her sister. She successfully makes her cry as well and reveals to the sister that Debbie arranged to have her wedding wrecked because she loves her husband. *** Alex walks into the main CID office as Vik hangs up the phone with a happy exclamation � he�s cracked it. He�s found at least four HG girls who do community service, often miss it and should have been there at times attacks took place. *** Kate, continuing to demonstrate it is a good thing that she is a pretty face because apparently she hasn�t got a brain to bless herself with, goes to confront the girls by herself. Perhaps someone should break it to her that when you are dead you can�t actually enjoy your glory! Predictably Sophie sprays paint in her face and then � in one of the most amateur hour pieces of acting I�ve seen on TB � gets all the other girls to come and push her around. At that precise moment the cavalry arrives in the form of a large and gorgeous DI who shouts, That�s enough! It was lovely to see that all her conniving and bending of rules hadn�t really got her there any faster than the real CID investigation - but it was a bit of a shame that he was in the nick of time to rescue Kate from her richly deserved fate of being baseball-batted and spray-painted. Nah, I don't really want to see her *hurt* - but she could be sent to sit in the silly corner for a few weeks until she learns to not being quite such a lazy, grasping, selfish brat. She wants the world handed to her on a golden platter without her having to lift a finger. One of TB�s problems is that 90% of the time she is virtually an echo of Debbie. The other thing is that they both - plus a few others floating around at the moment - really make me long for the standard of writing Viv/Nula got. Without going down the Madonna route she was a female character who was a character first and female second - and who wasn't overly vulnerable just because she was a woman. Being a nice man Alex goes to ask Kate if she is okay as soon as all the gang are under control � but as he does Sophie makes a run for it and Kate gives chase. (Excuse my cynicism about willpower being able to overcome the chemical and biological facts of paint being in your eyes.) They meet just outside for a quick baseball bat versus asp duel. Needless to say the asp wins a most unconvincing fight. Alex asks again if she�s all right as Kate kneels on Sophie then hands her a pair of handcuffs in what I have a nasty suspicion is meant to be a gesture of conciliation. I still think he should have whopped her with them. *** The last scene is back in the CID office. We�re all there when Tom comes in full of smiles to scatter praise general and specific � Alex, a job well done, mate. Alex looks less than overwhelmed I�m pleased to note and saying something about how the girls were keen to name their accomplices appears to leave. In actual fact he goes to stand about 10 inches behind Tom and lean in the doorway, allowing us a good view of his face while Chandler enquires about Kaye�s eyes and tells her that Danny Lloyd will be okay. The interesting thing is that Tom then immediately turns and walks out � presumably through Alex unless Alex has added apparating to his many talents ;-) The show ends with Mickey and Kate talking and with some fairly naff remarks about the female of the species being deadlier than the male. |
 |
| Tie Rating |
 |