| For the fifth time in the long afternoon DI Alex Cullen picked up the radio. �DI Cullen to DC Lennox. Any sign of movement, Duncan?� �No, Guv,� came back the reply, just as it had on each previous occasion. Cullen put the receiver down with commendable restraint � but he drummed his fingers on the steering wheel in a rare gesture of frustration and muttered something under his breath. Sitting half-turned around in the front seat Cass poked Mickey�s knee until he lifted his nose out of the car magazine he�d been reading for the last hour. She rolled her eyes at Cullen�s obvious impatience. Mickey gave her a perfunctory smile in return - but truthfully he wouldn�t have blamed Cullen if he�d been a hell of a lot more on edge than that. Let alone that Boulton would have been chewing the upholstery � and probably him - by now, if this whole op went off without any sign of a result then Chandler was going to be using his knackers as doorknobs. Bored, Cass turned back to stare out the front window. �Guv? How much longer are we waiting?� Cullen checked both watch and clock before answering in a voice tight with impatience. �Not much longer.� �Can�t see why it matters to you, Cass,� Mickey chipped in. �You�re on overtime anyway.� Cass threw him a smile. �Didn�t say it did � just wondering.� With a shake of his head Mickey picked up his magazine and returned to his contemplation of mag wheels and V8s. Balked, Cass looked at the DI, wondering, not for the first time, if there was anything behind the cool, correct � not to say boring � exterior they saw at work. He seemed dedicated and conscientious about his work, treated Uniform as though it was as important as CID and, without being exactly outgoing, managed to be on good terms with the whole nick. Even so, it was only Cullen�s friendship with the high-flying, sex-on-legs superintendent that lifted him out of the as-boring-as-your-most-respectable-uncle pool. Or, Cass amended with a half smile, maybe not quite the only thing. Di was right; he�d probably be well worth seeing in less clothing than his sensible suits. They really were so terribly sensible, Cass mused while inspecting today�s offering � a conservative grey which wouldn�t have looked out of place on a 6th form prefect, teamed with white shirt and navy tie. Now, if she had the dressing of him she�d jazz him up considerably � though without descending to Vik Singh�s level of popinjay-ness or matching Duncan�s impression of a walking traffic light. Cass grinned at the sheer improbability of picturing the DI as hers � she couldn�t even picture him with a girlfriend, though for all she knew he could have several � or even a wife and eighteen children! Well� maybe not eighteen � not unless he�d started very young � he was only supposed to be in his early thirties. �Guv?� Cullen dragged his attention back from the apparently absorbing view out the window and looked at her. �You married?� �Why? Is this a proposal?� There was a snort of laughter from Mickey in the back seat and Cass grinned. �Would the answer be yes if it was?� �No � to both questions,� replied Alex, with a faint, enigmatic smile before returning to staring out the side window, fingertips faintly tapping a tune on the door panelling. All right, not married � so what did he do when he went home and took off his inspector�s suit? Having once been stuck in a car on an obbo with Sam and Cullen Cass knew all too well that he both watched rugby and played it � but other than that? Go train spotting? Crochet? Breed Pekineses? Stick pins into a Chandler doll? You could quite picture him, Cass thought, dressed in an anorak and poking around dusty second-hand bookshops looking for Star Trek novelisation or breeding those little insect eating plants or even making models of ancient battles. Something a little bit geeky maybe, but something that required thought and dedication � and probably something unusual. Cass sighed, bored, and glanced back at Mickey. He was engrossed, with the rapt look on his face she knew all too well from brothers and boyfriends. She sighed again � forget overtime, she should be getting danger money for this much boredom. Roz - lucky cow - was teamed with Duncan and Vik; plenty of chat and they could both be relied upon to have food worth nicking. Cass looked back at the DI � he wasn�t doing anything after all, and even if the obbo was going down the tubes he wouldn�t take her head off her shoulders, in the way some senior officers would. �So, Guv, what do ya reckon � is Alysse going to be next off Big Brother? She�s such a prat!� Again there was an air of Cullen dragging himself back from some deep absorption. �Sorry, Cass � I�ve never watched it.� �Oh, right. You should try it � it�s a real laugh.� Cullen nodded vaguely, mind obviously on other things and leant back in his seat, eyes closed and lips moving as though he was singing along with an unheard song. Well, that wasn�t a bad idea, thought Cass, and reached for the radio. That woke him up. �Please don�t, Cass.� Cass sighed again � very loudly and conspicuously. With the air of a martyr she fished her last drink out of her bag and opened it. Hopefully the obbo would be over before her back teeth started to float � besides, back teeth that could swim the English Channel were an essential attribute of any female officer. Actually, she decided crossly, eyeing the resting Cullen, someone that buttoned up probably had to have more exotic hobbies than plant breeding or being a Trekkie. Collecting antique corsets or watching the Bold and the Beautiful or attending swingers� parties would be much more likely � or even slapping on the old lippie and sequins and tranny-ing up! Cass snorted with laughter at the picture she�d just created in her own mind of the sober, sensible DI tottering around on high heels in feathers and glitter - and then yelped as soft drink foamed out of her can and over her jeans. Damn! Cass ripped open the glove box in search of tissues as Mickey smirked and the DI sat up with a jerk and a panicked, �No, there�s nothing in there! Here, use�� He trailed into silence as Cass held up (and up and up) the red fishnet stockings she�d just pulled from the glove box. For the first time since he�d arrived at Sun Hill in the train of the stellar superintendent Cass saw Alex Cullen look discomfited. He was redder than his hair and seemed to be struggling to find words. Cass could understand that � so was she! Whatever she might have been passing the time by imagining she�d never really thought that Alex Cullen was hiding a secret like this. It was Mickey who filled the silence. �Bloody hell, Guv � with your hair!� Mickey was almost wedged between the two front seats now, looking from his embarrassed guv�nor to Cass, who was folding the stockings down into one hand. �Isdrssrehrsaltoday,� Cullen muttered rapidly and indistinguishably, looking down at his knees. Mickey and Cass both looked at each other then back at him. �What?� Cullen took a deep breath and looked up. With the air of a man confessing to perversions unspeakable he said, a bit more slowly, �It�s dress rehearsal today. Knew I mightn�t have time to get home first so I just brought them.� �Oh,� said Cass, feeling unexpectedly relieved. �They�re part of a costume?� Cullen nodded. �Tell me that isn�t all you�re wearing, Guv�nor!� Mickey said jokingly, also relieved. �No, the rest is at the hall. I had to go over West End and buy them last night � difficult to get them in my size.� Cass smiled. �It would be, yeah. Guv, what sort of play is this?� The DI looked uncomfortable. �Um� The Rocky Horror Picture Show.� �And who are you?� probed Cass. He looked even more reluctant to answer. �Frank N. Furter.� Mickey and Cass exchanged long, slow smiles. �Hope it�s for charity or something, Guv � �cause they�re going to sell a hell of a lot of tickets once we tell the nick!� ******************* |
| Don't get strung out by the way I look Don't judge a book by its cover I'm not much of a man by the light of day But by night I'm one hell of a lover I'm just a sweet transvestite Rocky Horror Picture Show |
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| Adapted from a picture found on The Musical World of Rocky Horror |
| Don't judge a book by its cover By Avon Copyright September, 2002 |
| This was written originally as an AWA activity. It may one day be expanded into a full length story. |
| This story is dedicated to Jo_Macq for first coining the word Frankencullen. ;-) |