The ant and
the grasshopper
Old Version
The
ant works hard in the withering heat all summer long, building his house and
laying up supplies for the winter. The grasshopper thinks he’s a fool and
laughs and dances and plays the summer away. Come winter, the ant is warm and
well fed. The grasshopper has no food or shelter so he dies out in the cold.
The moral of the story is: Be responsible for yourself!
Modern Version
The
ant works hard in the withering heat all summer long, building his house and
laying up supplies for the winter. The grasshopper thinks he’s a fool and
laughs and dances and plays the summer away. Come winter, the shivering
grasshopper calls a press conference and demands to know why the ant should be
allowed to be warm and well fed while others are cold and starving.
CBS, NBC and ABC show up to provide
pictures of the shivering grasshopper next to a video of the ant in his
comfortable home with a table filled with food.
Kermit the Frog appears on Oprah with
the grasshopper, and everybody cries when they sing
“It’s not easy being green.” Jesse Jackson stages a demonstration in front of
the ant’s house where the news stations film the group singing “We shall
overcome.” Jesse then has the group kneel down and pray to God for the
grasshopper’s sake.
Tom Daschle and John Kerry exclaim in
an interview with Peter Jennings that the ant has gotten rich off the back of
the grasshopper, and both call for an immediate tax hike on the ant to make him
pay his “fair share.”
Finally, the EEOC drafts the “Economic
Equity and Anti-Grasshopper Act,” retroactive to the beginning of the summer.
The ant is fined for failing to hire a proportionate number of green bugs and,
having nothing left to pay his retroactive taxes, his home is confiscated by
the government.
Hillary gets her old law firm to
represent the grasshopper in a defamation suit against the ant, and the case is
tried before a panel of federal judges that Bill appointed. The ant loses the
case.
The story ends as we see the
grasshopper finishing up the last bits of the ant’s food while the government
house he is in, which just happens to be the ant’s old house, crumbles around
him because he doesn’t maintain it. The ant has disappeared into the snow.
The grasshopper is found dead in a
drug related incident and the house, now abandoned, is taken over by a gang of
spiders who terrorize the once peaceful neighborhood.
The moral of the story is: Vote Republican