And I Will Tell You No Lies
I have been working as a Security Officer at the local hospital for the last couple of months. It has been fun and interesting. My third night, we had to tackle and handcuff a big �ol psych patient and take him back to the psych hospital attached to ours. I also witnessed an old woman from the geri-psych wing tell my partner he was going to hell (creepy!!), and we had an intoxicated young lady crawl into the ceiling of the ER. The police and fire were called in for that one...lots of fun. But, now the holidays are upon us. What a wonderful, joyous time for us to get together
with family and friends, get drunk, and make huge asses of ourselves.
Oh yes, that reminds me of a visitor we had in the ER just this past Saturday night (technically, Sun morning at 4:30am). He was a poor white-trash thug who thought he was a gangster. He came in with no shirt and blood dripping down his head covering his shoulder, chest, and back.
So, here is his story. Just like many drugged up criminal pieces of shit that I see on a daily basis, this kid (20 yo) has been a victim his whole life (boo hoo). Just four months ago, he had been released from the state penitentiary for auto tampering or possession or something. He did 3 � years. But, it was this weekend that everything seemed to go to shit for him. Friday night, he said his place was broken into and all his stuff was taken. I�m sure those Tag Team and Tribe Called Quest CD�s would catch a hefty price. Then, on Saturday afternoon, he was rollin� down the strip with his boy when he got pulled over by the local city police. They held him up, searched the car, and took the driver into custody. However, they let him go because they didn�t have enough to hold him. So, he decided to avoid the law, but not trouble. Saturday night he picked up a 40 of his favorite beverage and
somebody else�s girl, went out to another playa�s house, and hung out to smoke some chronic and listen to the boyz rappin�.
Well, he said everything got a little hazy after that. You see, apparently this loud-mouthed little shithead had pissed someone off, be it with his charming personality or that he decided to take some other dude�s lady. His girl wanted to leave at about 2am because she had to work the next day. So, as he was walking her out to the car, another classy gentleman was waiting outside the door and struck him on the head with a hatchet!! That is f***ing awesome! Dazed and confused, he made it home and immediately got on the phone to start calling his best crew. He was going to go back to this other residence �1520 deep.� But, while the poor guy was bleeding all over his phone, the city police show up to hall his ass to jail. They had their arrest warrant drawn up from incidents occurring earlier that day. I�m pretty sure they found dope in the car, imagine that�. The police didn�t take him to jail, however, on account of him being a bloody mess. They brought him to us. Yay!
Well, I was patrolling off site in our van when I got a call on the radio to come back to the hospital. Once the punk got admitted into the ER, he tried to run out, because he knew he was under arrest. When I got back to the hospital, he was in his bed while another officer stood by and a county deputy interviewed him about the incident. We are required to notify authorities when a victim of violence comes in (and the incident occurred in the county). Here we are, standing around watching this �Head-wound Harry� tell his story and bleed all over everything. The county deputy took notes and reassured this kid about a dozen times that they didn�t have anything on him. I didn�t know about the warrant either, then. I just told this kid that, as far as I knew, we were going to treat and release him. He calmed down a little.
After a couple of hours of baby-sitting this kid while the deputy talked to his family, he got staples, and cleaned up. They wrapped about a whole roll of gauze around his head. He didn�t look very gangster-like after that. The clever deputy, who wouldn�t let on to anyone, made a couple of phone calls, then came back in
to go over the kid�s story. He had the kid repeat the story about a half dozen times. It was starting to get suspicious.
So I ask the deputy if he needed me to stick around. �Yeah,� he said. �Just hang around while I talk to him.� �Sure.� We don�t usually stand around and help law enforcement this much. But, when he told me to stick around, I knew exactly what was going on. And, about 15 minutes later, four city cops show up to take this kid back to jail.
He didn�t like it, but the kid had known the whole time he was going back to jail. When the city police came in, he just through his hands up, wrists together. �God damn, what do you need six f***in cops to take me away for?!� he shouted. �I f***in knew it. Well, f***in take me somewhere that has some decent food! Anything is better than ***** County Jail!!� He made a scene all the way out the door.
Oh, what a piece of shit�
I guess that was just not his weekend. I almost felt bad for him. But, if he doesn�t help himself nobody can do it for him. So it goes.
Well, I hope everyone has a pleasant holiday, free from �the law� and splitting headaches.
Merry F***ing Christmas!!
-Paddy
-- Citizen D