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I really should be studying right now, but I gotta get this one out! I have, within the last few months, been satiated with a desire to expulse my intestines through my mouth at the site of all the patriotic trash in this great land known as The United States of America. Ok, let me precurse this by reassuring all three of my readers that I am not an Islamic fundamentalist terror monger, a spy, or a Communist. Ok, maybe a little of a Communist, but a lazy one at that. And no, I don't want to leave this country, I do like it....just not the people in it. I am sure that all of you as well as I, have noticed a trend of making a blatant display of one's love for America since the 9-11 ordeal. Ok, a little love of the country is a good thing, but I think it has gone a little far. All this shit just makes the US look cocky...which we are...and that is one of the reasons that other countries hate us so much and how can you blame them? Not a day goes by that I don't see some 1992 Ford F-150 cruising down the highway with big plastic American flags sticking out of the windows, flag stickers on the back window, and a bumper sticker with some reference to Osama Bin Laden. These are usually (and quite strangely I might add) accompanied by stickers referring to the NRA, Nascar or sports, and are also sometimes even seem along with a fine quality oak gunrack...but I am sure that these are all just coincidences and have nothing to do with these people's vision of America. It seems like America is the new expansion team for the NFL, so let's make flags and stickers and put them all over our cars and houses. I got a better idea, why dont you go let a squirrel chew your nuts off. Its also ironic that these are also the people who are always bitching about how all the foreign countries are always "stealing" all of our jobs when I am willing to bet that all 12 of those flags hanging off their truck were made by some kid in South America who works 22 hours a day making flags, eats one cup of rice a day, sleeps in the same bed with all 18 of his siblings, and loves every minute of it. I am sure that if such people where ever to read this commentary (which is not a worry of mine because I doubt they know what a computer is), they would accuse me of not loving America. Well I do, and just to show my love, I have invented a new product to show your pride in our great country. For a limited time, and for the low price of only $19.95 (+S&H), I will send you the amazing new Rectal Flag (patent pending). This is a small flag attached to a smooth shaft so it can be easily inserted into the rectum and can be worn at all times to show that you love America. You don't even have to wear clothes to show that you love your country, just use the new Rectal Flag. And I assure you that the Rectal Flag is made entirely in the good ole' US of A. Please send an e-mail to the address at the bottom of this page to order and enjoy.
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