october 21, 2003
Citizen D vs. The Youth Groupie
I had an interesting event happen yesterday at the movie theatre. I went to see Kill Bill again because it kicked so much ass the first time that I thought it would be even better the second time around. As I was exiting the theatre and walking to the parking lot I noticed that there was a young blonde girl stopping people and talking to them, looking like she was selling something. So as I kept walking trying to avoid her and hoping that my recent haircut (a vicious mohawk) would ward her off. But to no avail, she sees me and starts approaching, so I stop and wait. The conversation went something like this:

Girl: Hi sir, how are you doing?

Citizen D: Pretty fucking good. (I was under the influence of some substances at the time)

Girl: Did you enjoy your movie today?

Citizen D: Yah, it was pretty kick-ass.

Then she launches into it�.

Girl: Well, what I am doing sir is going around with my church youth group and promoting the message of abstinence. I know that is not a message you hear a lot, but� I am selling these pictures for a donation. (She pulls out these hideous foil pictures of forests and tigers and shit in a white cardboard frame, exactly like the shit you would get at a carnival for winning the ring toss). Would you be interested in purchasing one?

Citizen D: (Holding back the urge to do something awful) No thanks.

And I start to walk away, but she stops me again and proceeds to go over the line of social acceptability�.

Girl: Well sir, would you just like to make a donation to our group anyway?

Citizen D: No actually I would not like to because I don't believe in abstinence.

Girl: Ok, well thanks (Just like a crispy to walk away when you have obviously insulted her belief structure��but I am not done�.I stop her)

Citizen D: Hey, I don�t want to make a donation but do you want to go back behind those bushes there and make out or maybe�? (I smile and give a little eyebrow raise)

Girl: ���(no response, she just walks away, most likely praying for my soul)

So I go to the car where KC Megan is as we are going to actually see another movie and I get her. As we are walking back towards the theatre, I see the girl again and consider yelling to her while pointing at Megan �This is the girl that I have premarital sex with!� But I resist my urge and decide not to embarrass Megan. Man I always thought that I hated it when people came up to you and did that shit, but I have discovered that in the right state of mind, and with a little cleverness, it can be really fun. Give it a try sometime, just say the most insulting thing you can and see what happens.

Man sometimes it is even amazing to me how much ass I kick.

-- Citizen D
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