Some of you might have heard the recent buzz about Grand Theft Auto: San Andreas. The game was released in October of 2004, but al the sudden it has reappeared in the news because it has come under scrutiny from certain family groups and a certain Hillary Clinton. If you have not heard about the complaints, click here.
I have big fucking problems with this shit. Apparently, there is a hack that one can procure from the internet called "Hot Coffee" which shows explicit content (and if you want to watch the explicit content, click here.) When you go out on dates with the girls in the game, they sometimes invite you in for "coffee" which translates into the house shaking and a girl screaming "Carl, you are amazing," etc., but does not actually show anything. But this hack allows you to go inside the house and actually makes pleasing the woman a part of the game that you actively do. And apparently that pisses Christians and families off.
So, first I would like to point out why this is such a big deal now. The simple answer is that the PC version of the game was just released about a month ago. This hack is for the PC version of the game and there are hundreds more hacks out there. The complaint of these groups is that this content was already programmed into the game and so the makers of the game, Rockstar Games, is responsible. Rockstar has recently admitted that the content was programmed in and they are now changing the game and issuing new stickers to put on the game because the rating has been changed from M (mature) to AO (adults only). I will put aside the fact for now that that is a totally pussy move by a company called Rockstar and instead I will move on to what I find to be the problem with this whole thing.
Hillary Clinton and others are on the news saying that this game has sold 5 million copies and all of them have explicit sex on them. Not true at all. This hack is only for the PC version (look in the video above). There is no way that I know of to transfer a hacked file to my playstation, but if you do let me know. I bet I will get no replies from that one, because you can't. So of the millions of copies sold, maybe 100,000 of them are the PC version. And even further than that, if you buy the PC version, this content is not already in there, you have to go on the internet and download the hack and actively install it on your computer. So, my recommendation to you if you bought little Johnny GTA for his birthday--unplug your internet.
The reason that family groups arguing this shit pisses me off is because they are ignorant. They want this cartoon, half-clothed sex taken from their children's video games. Come on people. Let me tell you parents something, little Johnny is not in his room late at night downloading the "Hot Coffee" hack, he is looking at www.shiteaters.com and www.trannysex.com, but that is ok, right mom? (I promise I did not have those links bookmarked). And if they knew anything about the game at all, they would know that this is the least of their worries. They were ok with the game having a mature rating when it was just about murdering random people, prostitution, shooting guns, doing drugs, and stealing cars, but once it came to consensual sex that forced the player to work at pleasing a woman, the gamemakers had just gone too far and it was time to shut them down. And that brings up another point, when this thing blew this week, these groups demanded that the rating of the game be changed from mature (17 or older) to adults only (18 or older)........come the fuck on people, are you serious? As a mature male over 18, if I can legally procure actual footage on men pissing in the mouths of willing yet filthy women, then a fucking 17 year-old high school kid can watch some fucking cartoon sex for fuck's sake.
And yet one more thing about this that blows my fucking top. The spear-head of this whole thing is none other than the wife of the man who brought the phrases "fellatio," "sexual relations," and "semen stains" into our living rooms every night for like a year. At that time you did not see her standing in front of the media stating that her husband talking about getting a hummer on the nightly news was highly inappropriate. The reason she is jumping on this one is because the moral high-ground is such a popular place to be right now.
So, in summation, anyone out there with a family can go fuck themselves.......you are ruining all my fun.
-- Citizen D