Just Make A Movie About The Holocaust
The first one I almost lost it over is the award for Best Actor which went to Adrien Brody for The Pianist. Now, I must admit before I start any of this that while I intend to do so, I have not yet seen The Pianist, but I at least know the idea. Adrien Brody is a fine actor, I have liked him ever since Summer of Sam and I am sure he did a superb job in The Pianist....but come on, he was up against Jack Nicholson, Nicholas Cage, and the actor who should have won, Daniel Day Lewis. If anyone out there saw Gangs of New York, you know that Daniel Day Lewis's performance was one of the finest in recent cinema history. If on the other hand you have not seen it, then you need to stop being such a celluloid moron and do yourself a favor and go see it. Jack was projected to win, but I can understand the voting there, he already has three, give the new kid a chance. Brody got up there and gave a great acceptance speech and he was truly surprised to win, as he should have been, so it made it all alright in the end. The reason I was ok accepting that travesty was because I knew that the Academy would at least give Best Director to Scorsese for Gangs of New York...I was wrong.
They proceeded to give the Best Director award to Roman Polanski for, you guessed it, The Pianist. Now that is just ridiculous. I mean come one people, lets do the list, Polanski has made The Ninth Gate (which wasn't even that impressive, more confusing) and Chinatown with Jack Nicholson. What about Scorsese, lets do the list: Bringing Out The Dead, Casino, The Age of Innocence, Cape Fear, Goodfellas, The Last Temptation of Christ, Raging Bull, and Taxi Driver just to name a few. Jesus Christ people, come on, he made TAXI DRIVER, he deserves to get nominated every year for that one. But wait, I am being unfair, there is one more notable film Polanski has made, Fearless Vampire Killers Or: Pardon Me, But Your Teeth Are in My Neck....ya, point proven. But their past work does not matter, it was all about this film. We will discount the fact that Scorses is one of the most compotent filmmakers of our time and he has never won an Oscar. When they announced Polanski had won, he was not there to accept his award. And do you know why? Because he cannot come back to this country because he is wanted for statutory rape! That's right, he doesn't come back because he does not want to be arrested. Yah, Scorsese has a huge uni-brow, but at least he doesn't rape underage girls. At this point in the telecast, I vowed to boycott the Academy for the rest of my life.
My point is not that The Pianist sucked, because it probably didn't. In fact, it was probably a really great film. My point is that it seems that all too often, the Academy rewards people who make Holocaust movies. Let's not forget Schindler's List and Life Is Beautiful, just to name a couple recent ones. It's not that either of these movies are bad, they just play the easy emotional card and they never have to work very hard to knock you out of your seat with emotion. Other films have to create this themselves, without the benifit of the tons of history that has been shoved down all out throats. Well, I thought that this time they would realize that and give the awards to the people who really deserved them, the people who created something new, who told a story we never learned in out history books, but instead, they did the opposite, Gangs of New York was nominated for 10 Oscars, it won 0 (as far as I know).
So, if any of you have a desire to at one point in your life win an Oscar, here are some tips:
1. Make a movie about the Holocaust and make it really violent and sad just like all the other ones, because frankly, hey, it worked for them.
2. If you are directing this film, be sure to rape young girls, that is the way to rocket your status to the top of the ballot box.
3. If you are an actor, get involved in the project as soon as possible and play a sad, downtrodden character who is treated unfairly and cries a lot.
One sidenote though, they actually did give one award to the right person, Best Supporting Actor to Chris Cooper for Adaptation for making a white trash man with no teeth somehow sexy.
Another sidenote, no Oscars for Gangs of New York but Eminem sure got his for song from 8 Mile. Man, sometimes I feel like I am the only one with taste.
-- Citizen D