And Who's To Blame
Part VI
Today is March 14, 2004 and yesterday was a really wonderful day for me. (Damn, I�m reduced to making journal entries.) Yesterday afternoon, I got up as I usually did. I went through my wake up routine, but then I realized I needed assistance changing the bandage on my right arm (from my surgery). J was the only one in the house. I had to ask for her assistance.
Well, don�t that beat all. We seem to have come full circle from my humble days with the wretched back hole to now having a gnarly, ten-inch, staple-ridden incision on the back of my right arm. It looks very much like the laces of a football, for all you sports fans. J came downstairs to the living room to help me re-wrap my arm. We talked for a while before hand.
She was dressed in a white skirt and a black v-neck top. She was having guests over and would be going out later. She looked very nice and I told her so. We, then got on the subject of bars and �bar clothes.� She was very interested in my opinions on the subjects. I guess it is because I have an opinion on just about anything that you can imagine. Anyway, we continued our conversation. I told her that she really did not want to hear my opinions on women�s bar-style clothes because it starts with intelligent and talented actresses who appear on late night talk shows with dress slits up to their butts and I have no end in sight. But, that only made her more curious. As I spoke, I found a natural segue to tell her how beautiful she was. I told her that she had a magnificent radiance about her that was apparent to me no matter what she wore. That lead me into further thoughts that I had wanted to mention in the �chat.� I also told her that I simply appreciated her for what she was. I was not going to judge her and I was not trying to manipulate her. These are things the other roommates had made me think about a few days earlier. I could see her start to glow as I spoke. She was obviously flattered and she conveyed that to me. She also opened up about self-confidence issues she had in high school and spoke about how she enjoyed wearing more revealing attire these days. She continued. It was truly an up-lifting conversation for both of us. Toward the end of it, she told me that she would like for all the roommates to go out again some time. I agreed.
A while later, one of her girlfriends came over. While I sat downstairs and ate dinner, I overheard her bragging about the compliments she received. If all I am doing here is lying the foundation for one of the most honest and sincere female friendships I have ever had, then I am extremely elated. I could not be much happier about the way this situation has turned out.
Today, I came up with a new nickname for J, Fiore. It is Italian for the flower. It summarizes my attitude toward her. You see, I believe that you can equally admire the flower�s beauty and fragrance without plucking a pedal for souvenir or cutting it�s stem to take possession of it. One of the most gratifying ways to enjoy the essence of Il Fiore is to do so while leaving it in it�s own environment and encouraging it to flourish. But, if we could communicate with the wonderful flower blossom and tell it how it inspires us, would we not do so? If we could tell the lyrical song bird how it motivates us to spring from our beds and propels us through the day, why wouldn�t we? How could we refuse to tell the colorful sunset how it is the reason we imagined such a utopian heaven? The gift of communication is a blessed thing.
I have not told J about this nickname I came up with, but I probably will. I am not afraid anymore. I�m not afraid to be cheesy. I�m not afraid to be honest, and I am not afraid to be jealous.
By the way, C is a senior in finance. He is looking for a job in a big city and he would like to go to grad school. I don�t get the feeling that we would be friends, normally, but I'll give him the benefit of the doubt.
Life is a journey and I am enjoying the ride. At the risk of being clich�, I have stopped and smelled the flowers. It is a great scent!! I have no regrets, now. Champagne wishes and caviar dreams!!
-Paddy