-- Citizen D
Knowing first hand your utter hatred of America, and in particular your anti-war sentiments and anti-military statements which we have talked at length about over cheap beer and Latvian cigarettes, well, I had the cheap beer and Latvian cigarettes, but only because you get a bigger allowance than I do; you drink the imported swill and smoke Camels, I thought you might be interested in a proposal made by Rep. Charlie Rangle of the state of New York.
Rep. Rangle is a liberal Democrat black congressman, and has proposed reinstituting the draft. His reason for doing so is that he feels the minorities and the poor make up a disproportionate percentage of the modern U.S. military.
By reinstating the draft, there would be a more equitable pool to draw from. Rich kids who are in college would be just as likely to be drafted as poor kids and minorities who either dropped out of high school and got their G.E.D.'s, or were facing a career of artificially inseminating turkeys for the rest of their lives.
I am a conservative Republican, but I do like Rep. Rangle's idea.
Throughout the history of our great nation, Rich kids could pay some poor slob or social misfit to go to war in their place. Sometimes a rich kid could get a stand-in for as little as 50 dollars.
This practice was commonplace until after the Civil War.
It would be a great commentary on our concept of democracy if rich kids could then spill their blood the same as poor folk. I think that's called creating all men equal, which is one of the basic reasons our forefathers drew up the Declaration of Independence.
I hope Rep. Rangle includes the drafting of women in his proposal, too. That way we would truly be a nation built on equality. I also think he should include in his proposed legislation giving rich kids, boys and girls, the low numbers; one to about 150, so they would be chosen first in the draft lottery.
This would also remove the pall still hanging over our wonderful nation because of the Vietnam Nam fiasco. During most of that period, draft exemptions were given to rich kids in college because the government felt that they were more important than turkey inseminators. Those rich kids became liberal Democrats and bore children who are today's rich kids. Even after the exemptions were discontinued, rich kids, officially the young baby boomers, still avoided the draft by running off to Canada. There they waited out the war and amnesty given them by President Carter, himself a rich peanut kid, and then moved back to the U.S. where they also became liberal Democrats and gave birth to more liberal Democrats and Libertarians and Anarchists.
The "Baby Boomer" generation is generally regarded as those born between 1946 and 1964. Luckily, I was born three years too soon. I think my generation was called the lost generation or the beat generation. Maynard G. Krebs was our social icon.
Thankfully, most of my generation went on to become conservative Republicans who believed in the God, the Flag and apple pie. We bore future conservative Republicans who grew up with Daisy BB guns and G.I. Joes which prepared greatly for our military service. Most of us, and our middle class kids, volunteered for the service. There was a stigma attached to draftees and Reserve and
National Guard enlistees.
Rep. Rangle's proposal should also include sealing our northern and southern borders with electrified razor fences and a buffer zone of about 500 yards complete with anti-personnel mines. That way none of the rich kids could escape to Canada or Mexico like their parents did.
The new draft should concentrate on drafting college students who are pre-med and pre-law. That way we could staff all our M*A*S*H units with qualified personnel. To guard against creating a bunch of Hawkeye Pierces and Gloria Steinam-type lawyers for our JAG positions, we would assign armed guards selected from former turkey inseminators to force them at gunpoint to do their jobs without making subliminal anti-war statements.
I urge your faithful readers to write to Congressman Rangle, giving their full support to his proposed legislation. I'm sure I can count on Citizen D to be the first to do so.
Uncle Jack
Citizen D passed your letter on to me, asking that I, instead of him,reply.I can only assume that it is because he is so busy that he cannot reply, or that he has recognized me for the mental giant I am.
While your alterations to the Honorable Rep. Rangel's proposal might make sense to some (mostly the bitter elderly), I feel that for the nation as a whole the idea cannot hold water. You think that we should not only reinstitute the draft, but that we should target the smartest, richest of the bunch. You attack our current draft policy, and insinuate that it is inherently unfair. I agree, it is unfair. However, you must transcend your ideas of fairness and get to the heart of the matter. What is so wrong with a nation run by the super wealthy and defended (against their will) by the lower, underprivileged class? These are precisely the ones who should be doing all the hard work. Why do you think we've spent millennia subjugating them? We have created an entire class of workers and warriors (cannon fodder), to do our bidding. Should we really waste that now?
You then go on to complain about the tradition of paying someone to go to war for you. I quote "Sometimes a rich kid could get a stand in for as little as 50 dollars. This practice was commonplace until after the Civil
War." First of all, in pre-Civil War America, 50 dollars was quite a sum of cash. If you ask me, those boys were getting quite a deal. I think that we should be allowed to do the same today. Might as well give them a
little bonus for doing what they're supposed to do anyway.
Next you then interpret our own Declaration of Independence, theorizing that the phrase "All men created equal" means that rich and poor should fight alike. Must I remind you that while our forefathers were writing that phrase, they were also arguing how much of a person an African American was. Perhaps you might want to take a step back from all of the propaganda that was taught to you as a child (whenever that was) and see our forefathers in a different light. They were the very men that you seem to hate; rich, white, ultra liberal, slave owning males. May I remind you that the true reason we fought a revolutionary war was because these men didn't want to pay their taxes. How many of these men do you think actually fought, let
alone side by side the common man? Please, do not misunderstand me. I do not hate America or our forefathers, I just see them as they were, not as others would have me see them.
You, sir, then claim that your generation was the beat or lost generation. I believe that the lost generation refers to the era loosely spanning the 20's and 30's and was more defined my the likes of: Ernest Hemingway, Ezra Pound and F. Scott Fitzgerald. Were these authors a good example of what you seem to think a proper American should be? I think not. They were disillusioned alcoholics that left America for the more liberal attitude of Parisian life.
You then say, and I quote once more " We bore future conservative Republicans who grew up with Daisy BB guns and G.I. Joes which prepared greatly for our military service." I too, grew up with a Daisy BB gun and a multitude of G.I. Joes. The result of simultaneous play between the two is precisely why I never want to go to war.
However, you do make several good points. I agree that women should be drafted. They've been getting it easy for much to long now. It's time for them to get off their lazy asses and do some fighting for me (i mean
us.) I also agree that we should have a buffer zone between the U.S. and Canada "with electrified razor fences and a buffer zone of about 500 yards complete with anti-personnel mines." Its about time we did something to keep those damn Canuks out of here. Lastly, your claim to "believe(d) in the (sic) God, the Flag and apple pie." I too believe in, and even love apple pie. One out of three isn't so bad, is it? In closing, I believe that our draft system is decent the way it is. If any changes need to be made, they should be opposite of the ones proposed by you. I think the rich should bribe the poor to fight for them. The U.S. government should provide the rich, intelligentsia a safe haven to ride out the tide of war, or at least buy them plane tickets to other countries. May I recommend Brazil?
I look forward to your response.
The Tempest
-- Citizen D