No, its not through donations to the Red Cross. Its not by adopting an orphaned child. Its not even offering your personal assistance to aid and heal them. I have a better plan����we should sue the ocean.
That�s right, sue the ocean. I mean when it really comes down to it, whose fault is it that all those people died? The ocean�s. Sure, he was persuaded by some shifting of some tectonic plates and all that, but come on, the plates didn�t do the killing, the ocean did. Fucking ocean.
Now I know some of you are probably saying, �Citizen D, this is ridiculous, we can�t sue the ocean.� Sure we can, if we are clever about it. First we must narrow down our target. I think we should just go with the Indian Ocean. I mean since that is the arbitrary name that was given to that body of water that is connected with all the other bodies of water, we should just sue the Indian Ocean. And come one, we are Americans, we murdered and stole the land of thousands of Indians in this country a few years back, so why can�t we fuck over their ocean too? Exactly.
Now you are saying �Wait, Citizen D, even if we could sue the Indian Ocean, it is ridiculous to think that a body of fucking water would have any money, so where the hell are you going with this?� Just stick with me. I think with some genius minds on our side such as myself, Johnny Cochrane, and maybe even Matlock, we could do it. First we have to make the association that it is the Indian Ocean�s fault. That is the easy part, no one is going to argue that. Then we must establish that the Indian Ocean is justifiably connected to every other ocean on the face of the earth. And since those oceans are connected to hundreds of countries around this globe, we can logically expect them to be payers for the destruction that their damn oceans have caused. And we will of course be exempt as Americans because we are the ones doing the suing, and we are the ones providing most of the aid now, so we are cool. And if some of the countries won�t pay up, we with threaten them with invasion and the institution of democracy.
So, join me and what is sure to be the millions of others in filing a class-action lawsuit against the ocean by signing the petition below. Thank you for your support.
We the undersigned are supporting and participating in the case of:
Citizen D and other citizens vs. The Ocean,
a class-action lawsuit to aid the victims of the tsunami with a sum in the amount of eleventy billion dollars:
