| Quotes from The West Wing... With many thanks and much respect to IMDB.com and the writers of the West Wing, of course. |
| � �Donna, don�t bring the Yiddish if you don�t know what you�re doing.� �You know what word should be Yiddish, but isn�t? Spatula�Also far-fetched.���Toby and Donna � �Allergy medecine and tractor starter fluid�that�s how we�re getting high these days�� �Great�so are you guys getting a stripper, or�?��--President Bartlett and Fitzwallace � �My daughter asked you out?� �Yes, sir.� �Should�ve locked her in the dungeon.� �I don�t think you have one, sir.� �Coulda built one.���President Bartlett and Charlie � �Mr. President?� �I'll take the Indian ambassador in the Oval Office.� �Yes, sir.� �And then if you could just ask the Secret Service to step in and kill me, please.� �Yes, sir.���Charlie and the President � �I�ve just figured out who you are.� �He�s going to say Satan.� �No, you�re the guy who goes into the store to buy Satan a pack of cigarettes.���Toby and Mr. Keifer � �You have an interesting conversational style.� �It�s a nervous habit.� �I used to have a nervous habit.� �Oh? What was it?� �I drank a lot of scotch.� �Oh. I get sick when I drink a lot.� �I get drunk when I drink a lot.���Leo McGarry and Ainsley Hayes �Senator, why don�t you take your legislative agenda and shove it up your ass.��Josh Lymon �Just remember these two things: she's nineteen years old, and the 82nd Airborne works for me.��President Bartlet �As a special treat for our friend, Josh Lymon, who is recovering very nicely at GW, I�d like to mention that the President�s scientific advisors tell us that psychics at Cal Tech�[shot of Josh banging his head against the headboard of his hospital bed]�you know, I�m pretty sure that was supposed to be physicists.��CJ Cregg � �Can I just say something for the future? I can sign the President's name. I've got his signature down pretty good.� �You can sign the president's name?� �Yeah!� �On a document removing him from power and giving it to someone else?� �Yeah! Or do you think the White House Counsel would say that's a bad idea?� �I think the White House Counsel would say that's a Coup D'Etat!� �I'd probably end up doing some time for that.� �I would think! And what the hell are you doing practicing the President's signature?� �It's just for fun!� �We've got separation of powers, checks and balances, and Margaret, vetoing things and sending them back to the hill!���Margaret and Leo �One victory in a year stinks in the life of an administration! But it's not the ones we lose that bother me, Leo, it's the ones we never suit up for!��Toby �It�s true, Sir. The voters are not interested in electing Dr. Kevorkien. We�ve got polling data on that one.��Josh �Help me, Leo. I�m considering taking my life with a wheat thresher.��President Bartlet �Right now I�m thinking of locking you all in here and setting the room on fire�So you�d all better get it in gear or so help me Mother of God, I�ll stick a pitchfork so far up your asses that to say the least you will be dead.��Bruno�Campaign Advisor � �You know, CJ, I think I'm the best judge of what I mean, you paranoid Berkley shiksa feminista!... Wow, that was way too far.� �No, no. Well, I have a staff meeting to go to and so do you, you elitist Harvard fascist missed-the-Dean's-list-two-semesters-in-a-row Yankee jackass!� �Feeling better gettin that off your chest there C.J.?� �I�m a whole new woman.���Josh and C.J. � �Andrew Jackson, in the main foyer of the White House, had a two ton block of cheese.� �And a wheat thin the size of Lake Tahoe.���Leo and Josh �I�m on hold, I�m on hold�I�m in some hellish world of holding���Josh Bruno: [Walking up to Margaret's desk] Hey, hey, Stacy. Margaret: It's Margaret. Bruno Gianelli: I thought Margaret was the girl who used to work here. Margaret: I'm the girl who used to work here. Bruno Gianelli: Yeah. Well, someone told me to give this to you.[hands her a box] � Margaret: [seeing Bruno walking out of Leo's office] Mr. Gianelli... Bruno Gianelli: [soft smile] Bruno's fine. [we then see what was in the box: a necklace that says 'Margaret' on it] �Bruno and Margaret Josh: Good cop, bad cop. I'm the good cop. The four of you are the bad cops. Will, what are you? Will: Bad cop. Josh: Danny, what are you? Danny: Bad cop. Josh: Toby, what are you? Toby: Hurry up. Josh: Charlie, what are you? Charlie: I love Zoe and I must have her back. Josh: The bad cop, that's right. Will: [to Charlie] That's great news about Zoe, I didn't meet her but I bet she's nice. Charlie: Not really, but my love for her knows no bounds. Danny: Charlie, aren't you cold without a coat? Charlie: I took of my coat to show my love for Zoe. Danny: Wow. Charlie: I'd take off my shirt too, but it's inappropriate with a tuxedo. Danny: Not if we were at Chippendales. --Josh, Will, Danny, Toby, and Charlie Leo: Now, please, don't leap into it. Don't... [Bartlett answers the phone] President Bartlet: There are BIG SIGNS. You CAN'T park there. They *should* get towed. I hope they get towed to Queens, and the Triboro is closed, and there's a big craft show at Shea, a flea market or a tractor show. [Bartlett hangs up] Charlie: Well, that was probably his secretary. President Bartlet: Damn it. Charlie: You can bet she'll be parking in a garage though. �Leo, the President, and Charlie President Bartlet: I like how you call homosexuality an abombination. Jenna Jacobs: I don't say homosexuality is an abomination, Mr. President, the Bible does. President Bartlet: Yes, it does. Leviticus. Jenna Jacobs: 18:22. President Bartlet: Chapter and verse. I wanted to ask you a couple of questions while I have you here. I'm interested in selling my youngest daughter into slavery as sanctioned in Exodus 21:7. She's a Georgetown sophmore, speaks fluent Italian, always cleared the table when it was her turn. What would a good price for her be? While thinking about that, can I ask another? My Chief of Staff Leo McGarry insists on working on the Sabbath. Exodus 35:2 clearly says he should be put to death. Am I morally obligated to kill him myself or is it OK to call the police? Here's one that's really important because we've got a lot of sports fans in this town: touching the skin of a dead pig makes one unclean. Leviticus 11:7. If they promise to wear gloves, can the Washington Redskins still play football? Can Notre Dame? Can West Point? Does the whole town really have to be together to stone my brother John for planting different crops side by side? Can I burn my mother in a small family gathering for wearing garments made from two different threads? Think about those questions, would you? ---President Bartlet and Jenna Jacobs � �I�m just saying, if you were in an accident, I wouldn�t stop for a beer.� �If you were in an accident, I wouldn�t stop for red lights.���Josh and Donna � �When did you write that last part?� �In the car.� �Freak.���Bruno and Sam after a particularly beautiful speech by the President � �Twenty-two?� �Yeah.� �You haven�t had a drink since you were twenty-two?� �Yeah.� �Ulysses S. Grant would have slapped your face.� �He did once.���C.J. and Hoynes � �We�re going to have to reschedule.� �Why?� �You�re spooking the hell out of the President.���Charlie and �Hoover�s good luck charm� |