| OK, so Hackley's not the Globe...but still...It's been good times, no? Most of these are flubbed lines, cast party creations, etc. Enjoy. [Plays not listed below--Stage Door, Sigh No More Ladies, My Fair Lady, The Fountain, Macbeth, Tommy--were also fun and memorable, but not quite quotable. Or at least, I didn't write the lines down.] |
| INHERIT THE WIND �Is there a better feeling than being in a play?��Stefan Wernli �Strength in numbers, guys.��Someone�s mother after coming upon a cast party orgy (shoeless fun) �I�m not sure what you�re going to stroke.��Katie Lankester�s dad to Erin during aforementioned orgy �Do something�weird.��Katie�s dad in re: another �orgy� �Everything is in black and white except girls (breasts).��Stefan Wernli �It is a whore!��Peter Wald during the �random lines from the play� game. Inherit the Wind??? �I�m sorry guys. I�ve got to cut down on my stress level so I�m dropping out of the play.��Cliff Mason making fun of Ben Winter in the lines game. "Yes there is something holy to me! The power of the individual human mind. In a child's power to master the multiplication table there is more sanctity than in all your shouted "Amens!," "Holy, Holies!" and "Hosannahs!" An ideas is a greater monument than a cathedral. And the advance of man's knowledge is more of a miracle than any sticks turned to snakes, or the parting of waters. But are we now to halt the march of progress because Mr. Brady frightens us with a fable? Gentlemen, progress has never been a bargain. You've got to pay fo rit. Sometimes I think there's a man behind a counter who says, "All right, you can have a telephone; but you'll have to give up rivacy, the charm of distance. Madam, you may vote; but at a price; you lose the right to retreat behind a powderpuff or a petticoat. Mister, you may conquer the air; but the birds will lose their wonder, and the clouds will smell of gasoline!" Darwin moved us forward to a hilltop, where we could look back and see the way from which we came. But for this view, this insight, this knowledge, we must abandon our faith in the pleasant poetry of Genesis."--Drummond "[to Drummond] Hello, Devil. Welcome to Hell."--Hornbeck "I don't swear for the hell of it. Language is a poor enough means of communication. We've got to use all the words we've got. Besides, there are damn few words anybody understands."--Drummond THE LARAMIE PROJECT �And to answer your question, Laura, yes. Yes I am wearing spandex.��Peter Wald �I would hate those wide open spaces. I like to be on top of people.��Mr. Leistler "She'll have to skate on ice that...hasn't been skated on before. That was supposed to go somewhere..."--Mr. Leistler ��and we got in this huge argument�and my best, the best thing that I knew I had them on is it was just after they had seen me in a porn���Harrison Unger as Jedediah Shultz in the Laramie Project�Not quite the line as it was written� ��the next time you hear someone say those words [fag, �that�s so gay�, etc], be an asshole about it. Don�t just laugh it off and say, �That guy�s a jackass.���Cliff Mason �You have to look at the big picture. Skin color or sexual orientation are so�insignificant. It�s like taking one single grain of sand from Miami Beach. The difference is just so small, it�s a non-issue.��George Kokoris I NEVER SAW ANOTHER BUTTERFLY "Yo, yo, yo, Raja. What up? Come with me to the cinema, bi-atch!"�yeah, that was me � �Hold on Ma, Stefan is biting me.� �Has he had his shots?� �I don�t know, I�ll check. Stefan, have you had your shots?� �No.� �Ah, bummer.���Me, Mom, and Stefan �OK, so if I point this way (to the left), that means go up the stairs. If I point this way (to himself), I�m pointing to myself.��Harrison Unger backstage OUR COUNTRY'S GOOD �Captain sir, look yonder! It is the prettiest, cleanest little tit!"�Alex Rosenthal as Arscott in �Our Country�s Good.� �My boxers are as lively as I am.��Harrison Unger �Oh my Lord, it�s Dora�s Mother of Saints!��unfortunately�everyone in the play�shudder �So we were thinking, wouldn�t it be funny if I said, �You may share a part of my bed�will you�Meg? No wait, Liz? No. Ketch�no! Sideway�ugh no! Wait..wait..it�s on the tip of my tongue�mmm�mmaa�Mary. Right!���Harrison Unger �Hey, do you have tickets? [To what?] To the gun show!��Nick and Chip, flexing their muscles A NIGHT OF TERROR: THE ACTOR'S NIGHTMARE SORRY, WRONG NUMBER THE REAL INSPECTOR HOUND THE COMPLETE WORKS OF WILLIAM SHAKESPEARE (ABRIDGED) "...Well...we're honkies."--Full cast in re: Othello "A violent Quaker...who'd've thought...?"--Me Sarah Z.: Speak of me as I am. Let nothing extenuate. As one who loved not wisely, but too well. For never was there a story of more woe, than this of Othello and his Desdemono. (stabs herself with a boat) Oh Desi! (dies) Me: Let me explain. Sarah asked me for a cameo so I left her on her own to research this play. Apparently, she looked up "moor" in the dictionary and thought it was a place where you tie up boats. Alyssa: Which, in the course of this context is completely ridiculous, because, you see, in the 16th Century, the word moor referred to a black person. Sarah Z.: I feel like such a dork. Alyssa: Yeah, well, go with the feeling. Harrison: Och Macbeth, ye killed me wife, ye killed me babies, ye shat in me stew. Alex: Och no I didnae. Harrison: Och ya yuh did. I had to throw half of it away. Harrison: See you Jimmy and know that Macduff was from his mother's womb untimely ripped. What d'yuh think o'that? Alex: Och that's bloody disgusting. Lay on ye great haggis face. "There are more things in heaven and earth than are dreamt of in your philosophy Horatio, so piss off."--Me All: Do not try this at home. Me: Yeah, go over to a friend's house. Me and Alyssa: Oh no, it's Laertes. Alyssa: Son of Polonius. Me: Brother to Ophelia. Alyssa: And a snappy dresser. Sarah J: Why thanks. Me: Juliet, I already know of thy grief. And these are not the droids you are looking for. Take thou this vial and drink this distilled liquor off and presently through all thy veins shall run a cold and drowsy humor. Sarah J: (drinks) Oh, I feel a cold and drowsy humor running through my veins, Obi Wan. Me: Told you so. "Laura, I know you have this whole directorial vision and everything...but you seem to have this bizarre notion that all of Shakespeare's tragic heroines vomit on people before they die...and have really bad hair. (Massive oooo from the audience)"--Erin "I have of late, though wherefore I know not, lost all my mirth. Forgone all custom of exercise. And indeed it goes so heavily with my disposition that this goodly frame, the earth, seems to me a sterile promontory. This magnificent canopy, the air, look you. This brave o'erhanging firmament, this magestic roof fretted with golden fire, why to me it appears no more than a foul and pestilent congregation of vapors. What a piece of work is man. How noble in reason. How infinite in faculty. In form and moving how express and admirable. In action how like an angel. In apprehension how like a god. The beauty of the world, the paragon of animals. And yet to me, what is this quintessence of dust? Man delights not me."--Me as Hamlet "When you've had a long day--your left hand cut off, your sons killed, your daughter raped, and both her hands chopped off--well, the last thing you wanna do is cook. Unless, of course, you cook the rapist and serve him to his mother at a dinner party!"--Me as Titus "Shakespeare didn't write Hamlet did he? I thought it was a Mel Gibson movie."--Me Rosencrantz and Guildenstern are Dead "We're actors! We're the opposite of people!"--The Player "Do you ever think of yourself as actually dead? Lying in a box with a lid on it? Nor do I really. It's silly to be depressed by it. I mean, one thinks of it like being alive in a box. One keeps forgetting to take into account the fact that one is dead, which should make all the difference. Shouldn't it? You'd never know you were in a box, would you? It would be just like being asleep in a box. Not that I'd like to sleep in a box mind you. Not without any air. You'd wake up dead for a start and then where would you be? Apart from inside the box, that is. That's the bit I don't like frankly. That's why I don't think of it. Because you'd be helpless wouldn't you? Stuffed into a box like that. I mean you'd be in there forever. Even taking into account the fact that one is dead, it isn't a pleasant thought. Especially if you're dead. I mean ask yourself, right now, if I asked you straight off, "I'm going to stuff you in this box right now. Would you rather be alive or dead?" Well naturally you'd prefer to be alive. Life in a box is better than no life at all, I expect. You'd have a chance at least. You could lie there thinking, "At least I'm not dead. In a minute someone's going to come bang on the lid and tell me to come out." Hey you, whatsyername! Come out of there! I wouldn't think of it if I were you. You'd only get depressed."--Rosencrantz (more of this speech and others later) The Importance of Being Earnest [More quotes to be filled in for these shows eventually] |