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25jun02 10:20pm, monday night noticed one of my orchids had been sprayed past week with the dry-heat used to dry concrete construction. the leaves were first white then turned yellow to black. today i noticed the 4 white flowers looking healthy previously are drying up and turning color too. looked at my seedlings and saw their garden bed had been sprayed with chemical heat. doesn't look like there will be much success in their further growth. quite disappointing (but they feed it to children too). guess i was expecting something of the like. i will get more seeds next week. percy has been poisoned. he vomited about a cup of yellow fluid this morning and hasn't eaten all day. tieder byshee and i are a bit sick too. there is stink of a dirty waste dump in this room today and the air is dusty and smelling sick. water tastes bad.
23jun02 12:41pm it's really been a sick week. peggy and bryan had a party last night and no one from here was invited. judy, carl, abey, and carol lynn is here for the week end. the past two nights the kids have been attacked in the tub and i have a tape recording of most of it. had to get it through the adjoining wall but it's on record now...where to send it or what to do with it is my troubles today. i held carol lynn for the first time today. she's now nearly 6 mos old and growing fast. she looks like she could be over 12 mos. when i first saw here soon after her birth, she had a round head, in fact, they had shaped her head to look like an acorn and took joy in calling her "acorn head". her head is more of a thick circular disk now. her face has been pushed in (her jaw may be dislocated) and looks flat as if someone heavy had been sitting on her. she is very bloated and tight and getting very heavy. her diaper was soaked with yellow urine and the changed diaper sitting on yong and dois's bed was of hot feces. i believe she may have one of those hybernating fevers. she doesn't smell well and has a surfacing tint of yellow within her under the skin. she laughed some at the beginning of her bath friday night, but she has either been crying or is very quiet. when i held her i pushed in her cheeks and she faintly smiled. i gave her one of yong's cookies she made this morning and she seemed to like the feel of it in her mouth but couldn't eat any of it. it was chocolate chip. i'm sure she's hungry. yong says they're expected to leave today around 4pm, back to college station. i told yong she should give them the house next door. carl's still working as a PE instructor in an elementary school there in college station, but with his diversive preferences, in my opinion, he has no business working near and especially with children. he needs an early retirement and should be close by for changes to come. (no one in this family should be allowed to even look upon any creature of this earth!) Mr. & Mrs. Dethloff should also be very close by. i'm sure there are several desireable homes for sale in the near vacinity. the rumour is, i've been financing all the new homes and constructions in the area so i'm sure getting the two houses filled with the dethloffs will be no problem. now that think about it, there are many many empty dwellings here in pflugerville. my phone services are still interupted; my credit cards aren't working; my bank accounts are ill managed; and i'm still not receiving my retirement nor my full allowance as expected. life is misery!
19jun02 9:33am have fallen a few weeks behind schedule for jcswatch but expect to get caught up by end of next week. just gotta push it a little. yong help up a piece of paper and told me it was her unemployment insurance check. could have been nothing or a negotiable instrument from iokoka komini for all i know. was too far to see. she did however give me the $400 (which makes it $600 for the week with sums this month's receipt to $1,400) but how did she cash it today before 10am when just monday, she said she had to wait till 10am. well whatever the reason, i got some of my allowance but it's just not enough; and she hasn't given me any receipts for the monthly $500 deposit for annual taxes, etc., so i can conclude she doesn't intend to if she has made the deposits at all which will bring the minimum monies owed for that deposit only to be [($500 x 12) x 10] by end of this september which is quite substantial enough to go to the police with and file charges and suits against she and dois. dois has put up for sale signs on my hyundai again. wondering if he'll ever stop diluding. in my perspective, if he is innocent of my allegations against him, she would take the car to the dealer for an exchange and/or trade-in. but i know he is scarred enough to buy it himself and hide it, replace engine (but he's too inactive to replace it in entirety); or sell it to someone who wouldn't suspect forecasted injuries with the car. dois is insane! will go out for supplies again.
16jun02, Sunday 12:06pm with kate on my mind, woke up today close to 11am feeling my wrists were bound together in front of me...poor kate, she must be having a really bad day and my day hasn't started too good either; although the air is fresher and a lot less of the chemical heat in it is a welcome treat casting the day with pleasured lightness, no matter the outcome...the rain last night must have brought alot of the pollution down. just heard the front door close. dois must have just returned from church. he drove my hyundai again. with the return of the sickening feeling down at the pit of my stomache and bowels, i instantly recall the smell on my tieder. after trimming most of his winter coat was thinking how much cleaner he'll be then as i was sitting on the porch outside this morning saw the black stink particles rising out of his skin...thinking someone injected this dog with feces. how disgusting some people are and how disgusting how some people only bring disgusting thoughts to mind. this must be the true definition of vulgarity. kevin called last night and was too on my mind from sleep. wonder why? maybe he is the driver of the small green pickup truck always assaulting me on the highway; or maybe what i said last night has brought him closer to my thoughts. but why now. we've been corresponding for over a year. could it be that he is more sensitive to stories of car vandalism and feet burnings? then again, maybe the caller isn't kevin but the vandal in the small green pickup truck at waterwood just east on accors from skila drive and part of the enteurage of criminals on the highway; then again, it could be kevin who too may have been burned and my story of how the firewall in the geometro had been vandalised and the ac routing the engine heat directly into the car through the air vents without any cool had burned my feet...yes, this story must be relative to his past. he has been too passive to react unless he feels directly envolved or the story has triggered his own recollections of pain. this must be it. there is so much heat here it has become near intolerable. few days ago as i was washing off the drive way barefooted, my feet began burning. thought how extreme it was and wondered for what purpose would anyone spray so much heat on the drive. then yesterday, noticed the same burning white substance on my orchid leaves and knew it was dois who sprayed, an existence of no useful cause or reason acting on sole pleasure of sadism. trying to think of how any good could possibly come of this and i can think of none. thoughout the years, i thought how terrible i must be because nobody in this family really liked me and thought of ways to change that, but failed; and after reaching adulthood and having several "rude awakenings" i realised our blood was just different and possibilities of gaining their respect would be impossible even if i allowed them to take every bit of my assets either through theft or goodwill. the longer i stuper on this reality clearer the blurred cognition becomes. there is no other reason or explanation. insistence must be made on return of goods taken by them. they are far beyond my scope of reason, humanity and too destructive in deeds to deserve any hold on mine, even one dollar. still sick from the poisoned curry chicken thighs and rice i had for supper last week. woke up in the middle of the night nauseated and had to play linda blair for about 10 minutes. the chicken and riced cooked well and smelled delicious but could only eat 1 and 1/2 piece. noticed funny odor on the meat and still wondering why the bone was so black and smelling of an old cemetary. there isn't a farm for miles from the one here in pflugerville. wonder where the chickens were from. could it be tyson's chicken or is it the Lamar HEB butchers?
15jun02, Saturday

5:28pm
stuck in this room once again hoping for good things to happen, expecting nothing, and watching House on the Haunted Hill. Mummy will be on at 8:00pm but haven't decided on whether to watch it or not. soon as dois leaves for walmart i'll wash the dishes and take the dogs out.

dois drove the hyundai again last week. suspect he's trying to proove there's nothing wrong with it. guessing he might go so far as to exchange the car and replace the serial number to make his point. he is tireing and entirely a bore! he's sneaking around the house trying not to get in my way...guessing he's expecting something for father's day. he truely is a bore! my wish for him on this momentus occassion is, "a speedy death!"

some one keeps calling but won't leave a msg and number doesn't register. it's probably the last caller who i answered on the second ring, SBC. told them they were crazy and not to call back untill they got my account in order. they really are crazy to think anyone would go for paying for something not ordered and totally undesireable!

life really has become a mess.
8jun02, Saturday

8:42pm
Sitting here with a mind of mush waiting for The King of Texas on channel 17; watching Lethal Weapon IV to end. A good story but too slow, too much "real" destruction, too "mindless" in most scenes to really catch my interest, and too many "stage" monsters to be taken seriously. never again produce of the like!

So what's with Mel Gibson anyway? He's got the looks but what is he missing? Maybe it's his lack of interest. It seems he may be happiest just standing in one spot and starring into nowhere...a sylliloqui(sp?) maybe his next move...up? Tomorrow night U2 Elevation Tour is coming on and I anticipate with full interest and desire to be here....

Left this room to dump the garbage a bit ago and saw yong push-leading kay into her room. Kay was upset at what she was being told to do but what i could not distinguish clearly and now cannot remember the scene except for the smirk on yong's face. Saw dois sitting there like he owned the world; sitting there in his aged-dark brown velour clothed recliner chair positioned in the middle of the living room; dressed in white t-shirt, shorts, and barefooted smelling as if he had just come out of someone's drinking water supply with his feet in his mouth. Went outside and felt the clammy heat of the "reynolds" so stale, hot and muggy i am tempted without thought to run, run away from this terrible place of no air, no room, can't breath...i make my way to the garbage depository and notice one of Amy's old swim suits laying close to the edge on top of the depository. i lifted the lid with my thumb putting weight on the tip of the swim suite shoulder straps with my four fingers and deposited the refuge held in my right hand. sharp murmurmed chatters of the neighbors met my screaming thoughts, "KAY WAS NAKED AND HER CLOTHES ARE IN THE OTHER ROOM!

i now sit for the sound of hot water to pour through the wall adjoining their bathroom and my room, but nothing. it is nearly completely silent. only the low volumed sounds of disaster excaping the tv and infrequent cries of discontented kay keep my thoughts company, knowing the worst...and Monday will come. Kay will walk in with Dois after he gets off work and all will seem to be okay once again, an endless tiresome cycle of rejuvenation.... my memories fall on the cries of nature, "help me chong ... help me chong...!"

need to code more text to html and work on my sites a bit more but i can't, i need rest...guess i'll get to it later.... what time is it i ask myself. i sit laughing at myself falling apart and poe's words in the distance, "never more...never more....
7jun02, Friday 6:47pm got a call from someone for dois on my line. he didn't identify and the number didn't register on the caller id. (i can't imagine why dois would give my number out to one of his contacts. it's beyond reason.) there was a switch noise, it was either a change-switch on my line (probably put there by dois) or the party hung up, in the oddest way. had just awoken by sound of lightening, the turn-off of appliances and electricity running through my body, lying in bed wondering if there was anything i should be doing, like calling 911...there must be a short in one of the outlets in this room i call mine. went to the plant store for super bloom 12-55-6. they didn't have it so i bought a brand i've never used, 15-30-15. was told it would help plants bloom...sure, why not, but would have enjoyed in finding the product i'm most familiar with.... called for food delivery, but it was the wrong number, 512-447-4121. i must search the kitchen drawers for the right one...or hail the driver the next time i see him driving around the neighborhood. 8:46am need to buy some super bloom 12-55-6. need to fertilize monday. used amonia again this morning. temperature seemed to go down a bit. dois was in the yard yesterday and left his funcky heat and stink all over the place. with the amount of fluid he loses in the yard he should be all shrivaled up but he's big and round and full of disease and poop... definitely one unsanitary spot! trying to teach the birds to say, "dois is dirty!", but maybe i should try to have them say, "dois is filthy!" the "f" words maybe a little hard for them though, although, they seem to be able to mimick quite well, such as, "help me chong, help me chong..." as i heard them this morning. there's one which can say, "judy" and "dirty". now if i can get him to say, "judy, judy, judy," and "dois is dirty," i think i've made an accomplishment, the bird rather. there was one in particular which liked to mimick noises and not particularly words, he'd come around and sound like the police siren, crickets, frogs, and other sounds from the streets and lawns, but looks like one of the neighbors have "dun 'im 'n." i shall miss him! thought yesterday was friday...must do some food shopping today. haven't enough to last through the weekend. maybe i'll start buying from white swans, if they are in fact the food truck home delivery service, 512-447-4121. have bought some from them(?) before and it was good. checked the answer machine late last night and sounds like Amy Miller called again...thought about giving her a call back but i don't think i will. if it's important, i'm sure she'll call back and tell me, besides, there's 64 msn white page listings for an Amy Miller in Texas. which one is she? where is she from? why does she keep calling me for call backs but never leave reason for her call? feel strange calling anyone i can't quite place just by being told to call back...a demanding caller too, didn't even say please. wonder if i'll get any calls today.
6jun02, Thursday 11:15am woke up early approx 2:00am this morning with severe chest pains. could not get rest and had to take meds; fell back to sleep around 4:00am. the thought-to-be-healed broken sternum is apparently still mending and an agonizing pain. now working with the sounds close to my ears, cries and screams of the assaulted and discontented nature in solemn prayer. yong's out.... think i'll go for groceries on Monday.
5jun02, Wednesday

day's activities
planned to go grocery shopping but didn't have a ride. did however manage to get some peat moss for the front flower bed before 10:am.

seeking ways to cool the garden. searched for dry ice formula but didn't find it yet. did, however, find refrigeration and in reading wondered why freeon is used in refrigerators, home air conditions, and car cooling systems when obviously, the experts implacations are dry ice, carbon dioxide. is this why new cars are overheating; is this why the air is so hot in the sun; is this why car acs put out heat instead of cold? i know i have the answers but where will i find the authorities and citations?

got no calls, but must check the answering machine; and called no one except for yong today.
4jun02, Tuesday 12:08pm Received $400 today and $200 Monday...Yong & Dois still going against my wishes.
3jun02, Monday 2:30AM took out my garbage and watered the bird bath in front yard. noticed white powder under the faucet handle. looks like same powder which killed Buster Doogan; but the dust was sniffed across the street at 1107 twin creek drive. is it also the bad acids which have been added to my toothpaste, drinks, and foods? what is it...boric acid readily available in stores such as Eckerds? who put it there? why? when? who else uses it? why?
2jun02, Sunday Approx 1030am Dois drove my Hyundai today. Where to...the church? Approx 4pm Yong was talking at me through my door saying she & Dois were going to peggy's for awhile. Late afternoon kate was here today. i saw her and she saw me as i was walking across the hall to the restroom. she came to me and we hugged. she had a dark burning tan on her face, arms and legs. she'd been to padre island. what fun she must have had.
1jun02, Saturday During the night a ghost story sometime late Saturday night as i lay semi awake in bed, i saw my ghost. the part of me impossible to bring back from death in 1984. i stood visible from waist to top of head. my hair is black as coal, my skin darkened gray, a closed verticle wound on the lower right of my lower lip, knowing i knew what i was looking at by the visible clear whites of the eyes. i layed scarred of what my ghost may do. i layed thinking but why, then i knew. i watched my ghost pass the houses on the lands of waterwood one at a time, starring as she had stared at me, reviving the enemies' methods of crimes to release against their uses just as they had on their victims, but in memory's reality, a ghost's vengeance. she spoke not a word and what sounds heard came from deep within her, the sounds of the ghost's weapons. the first house she starred, and i continued my concentration to see maddened dogs run with direction and purpose; at the second house she starred with her mouth open as to speak but only the deep helpless cry of sheer pain and agony escaped her accompanied by sounds of a thrasher, the one left in the fields past season.... i still in awe of what i was witnessing began my silent cry to my ghost, please i can't watch anymore, stop...and she did. her vision left me, alone. althrough yesterday, i lay here in the same bed wondering how my next visit from her would be, if there is to be another. with the possibility of never seeing my ghost again, i prayed for her return. i miss her. i pray she will walk the lands of pflugerville and make one final stop at 1106 twin creek drive and i know i will. Return To Top Of Page..........Guest Sign In ctwebb©2002 Hosted by www.Geocities.ws