• "Don't do what Donny Don't does."
• "I heartily endorse this event or product"
• "Stupid Carbon Rod. It's all just a popularity contest."
• "A mountain of sugar is too much for one man."
• "Mom, romance is dead. It was aquired in a hostile takeover by Hallmark and Disney, homogenized, then sold off piece by piece."
• "No children have ever meddled with the Republican party and lived to tell about it."
  (Chris says: That's why I say "Go Republicans!!!")
• "She's like a milk dud, Lis. Sweet on the outside, poison on the inside."
• "Television - teacher, mother, secret lover!"
• "Me fail English? That's unpossible."
• "That's your solution to everything: move under the sea - it's not gonna happen!"
• "I'm sick of eating hoagies! I want a grinder, a sub, a foot-long hero!"
• "Why don't those stupid idiots let me in their crappy club for jerks?"
• "Oh, but Marge, Knight-Boat - the crime-solving boat!"
• "Curse Pierre Jules Cesar Janssen!"
• "Disparaging the boot is a bootable offense."
• "Listen to your heart."
• "Now, we own you like Siegfried owns Roy."
• "Then get me his non-union Mexican equivalent."
• "Pertaining to a process involving a randomly determined sequence of observations."
• "Begin brakng procedure!"

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