You are not alone
I was NEVER a person who naturally and fully inhabited my body or felt comfortable using my body. I had no consciousness of the cause and effect of my actions with regard to my health and body size.
While other children unself-consciously (and with great joy and enthusiasm) ran, climbed, skipped and cartwheeled; we moved cautiously and oh so self-consciously.
Even back then we were not at one with our bodies, and it just got worse as we got older.
You go around with this self-image based on an inner view. The day finally comes when some social situation or physical crisis forces the reality of your size to sink in.
The pain of these moments is unbearable. It's like waking up in a body that does not support the kind of life you'd really like to live, and feeling so overwhelmed by what it would take to get out of it that you retreat back into yourself and try to forget your "moment of truth"--------until the next one happens.
For some of us, a moment of self-realization comes along at a time when we feel strong enough to deal directly with the issue of our obesity. I hope that you have had such a moment.
I know that it won't be easy to lose a substantial amount of weight. I started at 400 pounds. My "goal wight" might as well have been in another galaxy for how far away and unattainable it seemed. I felt very overwhelmed and did not know where to begin.
If you found your way here, you may be feeling the same way. I hope that the knowledge that you are not alone is of some small comfort to you on your journey to fully inhabit your body and live more holistically.
