The BOWLING RANT OF EXTREME EMBARSSAMENT!
I have been bowling for 10 years. Bowling competitively for 10 years. Bowling really well for 10 years. So it was bound to happen.
I mean it happens to everyone right?
Two perfect games, more 700 series than even I can remember, different titles in different leagues, and more scratch averages (the standard by which good bowlers are normally judged.) than I can remember.
And it finally did happen.
It appears as if I have forgotten how to bowl. Man that is tough to admit. Hardest thing I have ever admitted. However it is so true. I can’t pretend I am any good anymore. It would be a lie. And while we lie to ourselves best, even I can’t lie to myself anymore.
I SUCK!
I hope this is soothing, because it’s not easy to deal with. My Fn average is 184. 184…..184…18F’n4. Lowest my average has been in 8 years. There are times when I start the night off and I can almost forget that I suck. I start off like I still know what I am doing, like I can turn back the Hands of Time™ and make like it is 1996-1998 and toss 300’s and 700’s like it is no big deal.
WRONG ™!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
And then it all falls apart. Just like that. As long as it takes you to say WRONG ™!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! And as easily too. It just falls apart. Oh sure I start making spares, and I pull out my bag of spare making shots, and it is pretty nifty trust me. The catch remains, as I can’t throw a strike the rest of the night.
And Trust me, that is a very big deal. From 1992-1994 I averaged about 5 strikes a game. From 1995-1999 I averaged about 7 strike per game. In 2000-2001 about 6 strike per game. Now I am down to about 3 or 4 strikes a game. It is telling too. I lose 2 to 3 strikes a game and my averages plummets 20 pins.
Scary Stuff. I mean really scary stuff.
You know what is the worst thing of all? Just between you and me? I feel better than I have in years! My arm is in great shape, my head is in the game, I am in a real good place so I should be knocking the pins out of the alley! But I’m not.
And believe me it’s taking it’s toll on the team. If bowl poorly we lose. Just that simple. I wish it weren’t so but it is and I have ample evidence to the contrary.
What to do about it?
That is a great question. I just wish I had an answer. The lanes this year have been pretty bad, but that’s excuse and I need an answer.
1. Change equipment
This is a great idea, and it is one I will be giving a try tonight. I hook the ball so much, the pins were like Winger to my Sergeant Hulka. And they went down every time. Hopefully stepping back the equipment I use will help.
2. Adjust my Game.
Yeah Right, like you need to even ask. NEXT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!™
3. Throw the Ball harder.
Another solid idea, however it is not physically possible as I have already been clocked at an astonishingly in-human 42.71 MPH (this is verified by a third party who witnessed the shot.) So as much as this would make good sense I don't think it is going to happen. My goddamn arm will fall off.
4. Keep plugging away and hope it will come around.
This is the most likely scenario as I really don't have a choice. I have turned around bad years before, but this one would be a miracle. I guess I just need to have faith in myself and hope for the best. Stay tuned for results weekly.
The final Verdict
There can be none yet. Hopefully the changes in equipment will make the difference. Hopefully my team can hold it together until I come around. In the end I guess it's just real tough to deal with when you are good at something for a long period of time, to have it just fall apart in one off season. However I'm not giving up, don't worry.