The why my beloved Cleveland Indians Suck donkey balls Rant ™

The why my beloved Cleveland Indians Suck donkey balls Rant ™.

05/21/2002

From 1994 until 2001, the Cleveland Indians have been one of the mainstays at the top of the American League. While the New York Yankees have been the dominant team, the Indians have long been lurking behind the Yanks waiting to pounce and take the world’s championship away from them. In the World Series in 95 and 97, Central Division Titles 6 out of 7 years. But they could never win the big one. No matter how much they dominated the regular season, no matter how many runs they scored, or how many all-stars took the field the Indians were incapable of winning the World Series.

It never happened. And it may never happen.

And for the foreseeable future it may not even be a realistic goal to compete, for the Indians have one very large and looming problem.

They Suck Donkey Balls.

They Suck Donkey Balls ™ - The inability of a previously good team to beat anyone, including assballerina’s like the K.C. Royals and the Detroit Tigers. These two teams have truly exposed a once good team as a pathetic shell of itself.

During this stretch of their early season schedule all Indian’s fans pointed to this time as when the Indians would be able to make up a lot of ground and take the central division lead or expand upon their already existing lead. Opppsssssss,

Sounded like a good idea but we all forgot one thing. The Indians actually had to win a few games to make this whole plan work. They haven’t won much since May 1^st. They have lost games to Baltimore, Texas, Chicago, Detroit, and Kansas City. And for a damn change it isn’t the fault of the pitching. The number one starter, Bartolo Colon is having a great year. He’s 6-3 with a 2.47 ERA. That’s second behind Derek Lowe of the Red Sox in the AL. Third in MLB behind Tom Glavine and Lowe. Leads the AL in complete games with 3, has pitched a CG shutout as well. His BB/K ratio is 2.5/1 in favor of K’s which is far better than his career average. These are certainly the best pitching numbers of any tribe pitcher since their run of good play began in 1994. So if they got the Number 1 starter they needed what’s the problem now?

The Strength of this team is no longer hitting, it is pitching. Here are some numbers to back this up. Their seventh in the league in W-L record. This number is over inflated by the 3-6 tough luck record of Chuck Finley who, stats wise is having his best year as an Indian and the 0-6 record of the Bullpen. The starters are 22-20. This is not a bad number for such a young pitching staff. They are 6^th in the AL in ERA with a team 4.38. This is a very good number team wise as well, as it has been long said by analysts and experts that to win in the AL you need to have an ERA under 4.50. Of the teams under 4.50 in ERA in the AL this season only two, the Indians and Baltimore Orioles, don’t have winning records. They are second in the league in CG with 4. Fourth in the league in Shutouts with 3, and second in the AL with 361 strikeouts. This is a good young pitching staff that will continue to get more dominant as the season and, years go by.

So why does this team have a record of 25-28, 5.5 games back?

Because my 55 year old mother could outhit this team!

The once mighty Indians used to make teams tremble with fear when the opposing pitcher looked at the lineup, and at various times saw all-stars all over the field. Albert Belle, Manny Ramirez, Carlos Baerga, Sandy Alomar Jr., Roberto Alomar, Juan Gonzalez and Kenny Lofton to name a few. And there were always the guys lurking in the back who everyone knew could hit the cover off the ball given a chance, like Jeromy Burnitz, Brian Giles, Richie Sexson, and Sean Casey. Unfortunately none of these guys are wearing an Indians uniform, and we are stuck with Strike out machine Russell Branyan. The Indians are 13^th in the league in hitting with a team average of .243, only Tampa Bay is worse at .230., 12^th in slugging at .395, 7^th in OBP at .329. They have the third fewest hits at 419. However they are third in the league with 206 walks. 5^th in HR’s at 57, countered by second to last in runs scored at 211 and tenth in RBI’s at 200. This team is capable of getting someone on base, and then stranding them there. The wait for the home run instead of trying to sacrifice to score runs. They are 13th in the AL in SB with 23, lead the league in grounded into double plays with 58 (!). This team is the master of shooting itself in the foot right now.

Part of the problem with the offense is the manager, part is the players, and part is the general manager.

Part 2 of my look at the Indians will examine the underlying reasons for the offensive collapse this year, and how to remedy it.

Late Chris