The Father’s day rant-

June 16, 2002

Hi, hello, and how are you sports fans! It's been upwards of three weeks since our last powwow and there has been much going on in life since then. And My much vaunted frequent updates have been spare indeed.

But I'm here!

I have Updateage for you!

I have poor Grammar!

I have Poor spelling!

I have a HUGE STACK OF PORN! ™

So without further or do let's dive in and see what have to lampoon!

I am a father. I make no secret of it. And that means today is supposed to be special. It's father's day. But for the fist two years of my life as a father I didn't get it. I don't think I understood what it was to be a father. Consequently I didn't deserve any kind of recognition for it. June of 2000 I was still reeling from the shock of Kevin's birth three months, exactly to the day, earlier. I wasn't at all prepared to be a dad. I was so overwhelmed by it that father's day just kind of glided y and it didn’t even register on my radar. I was also extremely overworked by THE EVIL BLUE EMPIRE™, Blockbuster. Working in the hood takes it toll. Last year I was a mess mentally, I wasn't sure who I was anymore. I had always tied my identity to my job. It's where I placed my self worth and once you give up your ability to set your own self worth it's not easy to get it back. So I spent the last year mostly being at home, starting a new job, and figuring out what being a dad means. That meant rediscovering myself. It's a lot like being through a crucible and the fires that burned in the crucible burned a lot of the dead weight emotionally, and also in my personality. I'm more confident, and sure of the direction my life is going in. Things still aren't super-duper or great. But they aren't the un-mitigated disaster that they promised to be 6-8 months ago. Through the fires of trouble I feel as if I have been given a true second chance. A second chance to be a father again. I went from being "that guy who came home occasionally" to the guy who when he walks in the door hears, "DADDY HOME!!!". That is a huge improvement. It's also the most important one I could have made.

For you see, jobs come and go. Friends come and go, but your innate self-worth. The very essence of who you are is eternal…..unless you give it away.

Enough preaching for now.

Late

Chris