that being taught the timeless ritual of kayaking
brings with it certain responsibilities and caveats
The spirit of kayaking is rooted in ancient nordic tradition
dating back hundreds of years to early viking drinking rituals
held during the winter festivals at the same time every year
as calculated by the movement of the stars and planets
roughly corresponding to the secular date of january 6th
based on this age-old tradition
vikings have unmatched drinking powers
which they say comes directly form the gods
the old gods, the gods of beer
certain doom awaits you if you try to kayak with a viking
this viking will kayak with you, and then smash you to bits
he will destroy you
and then his brothers will kayak you until you are
chained to the lamp
his kids will kayak you, until you beg for mercy
they've kayaked since they were born
their mother gave birth to them while kayaking with
her mother, an age old viking birthing tradition.
and then she went right back to kayaking
and they will leave you for dead in the kayak killing
feilds, outside of kayak castle.
finally, because you died in battle, they will give
you an honorable burial in the flaming kayak to valhala
a blast from the pabst
