9-17-2000

Sunday

Dispatched to an upper millde class neighdorhood
to a nice upper middle class house
decorated with nice upper middle class things
for a self inflicted gunshot wound to the head.

We were directed to the second floor,
In the Master bedroom we found the patient.
The Fire department
was attempting to secure the patients airway
He's a thin almost frail looking boy.

He was lying supine on the beige carpet with his eyes wide open and a small puddle of blood under his head
There was a trail of blood
leading to another room off to the side
maybe a walk in closet or bathroom.
I am not sure.

His mother was there,
She was watching us work on her son,
while she was  talking to the police.

She didn't say much to us
only that he is fifteen
and she told me his name.

Another police officer walked by
and told me it was a 357 Magnum.

It was his dad's

The firefighter was attempting to intubate the patient.
it wasn't his fault but he didn't get the tube.
(Ken intubated him a total of four times by the time we arrived at the hospital.)

I was starting a line and Ken took over airway, 
The patient was still breathing on his own
So Ken assisted his ventilations without the tube,

I shouted his name again
and as I expected he did not react at all.
(I don't know why I was asking him questions he wouldn't answer but it made me feel better.)


The puddle of blood under his head was growing larger
and he was now having decorticate posturing.

I placed him on the monitor,
and taped the I.V. down a litle better.

The reeves stretcher arrived and we packaged him for transport.
We carried him down stairs and placed him on the cot.

I carried all of our gear,
Ken and a couple firemen moved the cot.

I escorted His mom to the Bus, put her in the passenger seat.
Ken was in back trying to tube him again.
His breathing was getting worse,
There was some neighbor trying to look in to the bus,
Ken closed the door and said something like
"Do you mind? !"

The looky loo walked away,
That was probably best.

We began transporting to the hospital
and his mom asked me.

"Is he going to die?"

I wasn't quite sure how to answer.
(Among the thought of how to answer were the simple answers...Yes...)
(and the bullshit sunshine up the ass answers ... were doing everthing we can...)
Nothing was going to work.
(Yes, He is already dead but not dead yet..)
I said
"We're trying to keep that from happening."
(She looked for me to give her hope when there was none to give.)
"But I fear he might."

Then she asked
"Is that  his brain sticking out of the side of his head.?"
That one I handled with
"I don't know."

I didn't know but I thought it was...
It could have been scalp or skull or brain...
I honestly didn't feel like explaining this to her.

So I just looked up at the road and waited for the next question
which I was sure I wouldn't want to answer.

She didn't ask any more questions
she just looked back into the Patient compartment.

We arrived at the hospial and we put him on bed 17.
The doctor shared our feeling
that this was not going to end well.

Lifeflight was coming and they were probably going to pronounce him dead at Metro if the family would agree to organ donation.
(The helipad at the hospital was not able to be used due to a broken elevator)
(so we had to assist the lifefligt crew from a landing zone around the corner)
.
The Patient's father arrived at the hospital and he was devestated. His questions were more focused
on how could this happen and why did this happen.
(Luckily I did not have to answer his questions)

The family did agree to organ donation
and Metro lifeflight picked him up and transported him to a waiting surgical suite where
lifebanc was waiting to harvest his vital organs.

Something good did come out of this tragedy,
But that is little consolation for the family.

If he died in an accident or was murdered.
It would be of more consolation to them
knowing that their child lives on
to accomplish a greater good
even after his life was stolen from him.

But his life was not taken.

His life was a forfieture.
For what ever reason However sad or compelling the tale.

He took his own life.

He destroyed the queit calm and sanctuary of home
for his entire family in a single second.

Why?
"I don't know"
and He can't answer.

Good night