8-24-2000

Thursday.
1 day till National Registry,
biting cuticle... no nails left!

The Highlight of my day was a call that you may not believe.
This is the tale of a psych-call
that came in as
"A man playing in traffic on the turnpike"

As we arrived on scene we approached the "o.d.o.t" crew that was working nearby
and asked if they knew where we could find our patient ?
They pointed to a car and a few tractor trailers
parked about 200 meters ahead.
but they warned that
"every time they approached the car the man would run out into the traffic"
They went on with their account of the event further explaining that he even jumped on to one of the trucks!

as we rolled past the car
we saw the man sitting in the drivers seat
with his hand on the wheel,
as there were no police there yet
we thought it best not to approach...

Instead we solicited the truckers for
information about this incident.
The truck drivers gave a similar story to the o.d.o.t crew
but stated that once the truck came to a hault,
he jumped onto the truck and was shouting at the driver!

As we were wrapping up our conversation with the truck drivers The state police arrived on scene and we went to the car.

The patient was a 21 year old white male
wearing only boxer shorts.

The man was frantically attempting to get his car started.
he was pumping the gas pedal
and cranking the engine to no avail...

All he got for his effort was the noise of a futile effort...
Just then he looks up at me and says
"Your a smart man; why wont my car start ?"
"look here"
(pointing to the gas gauge)
"What's that say...F  right full"
(it's on E)
I say
"No that says E and E means empty"
he says.
"O.K.   E is F and F is E now what does it say ?"
I say "E"

He immediately looks to the next guy in line
who is a state trooper and starts over again with:

" Sir: Your a smart man..."
this scenario repeats itself twice more
with the remaining police and my partner
with intermittant requests for
"faith in god."

he breaks away from the car and stands up proclaiming that :

" If one of us were a real man
with the balls to believe in god
his car would start right up !
Because god can make an E into an F
and he would have the gas to continue his journey."
( As he made his proclimation of faith )
(one of the troopers discreetly removed the keys from the ignition)

The man sat back in his car and attempted to start it once again.
This time without keys.
He looks up and says.
"If one of you can get it started you can have this car."
" I know it will not start for you because you have no faith."

He then stands up and states:

"I drove 100 miles per hour! It made me feel good!"
" I stopped the trucks,they were going 100 miles per hour!"
"and it made me feel good!"
(pointing to the wall and ground)
"I pissed right there! and I will stand in it!"
(Jumps into the puddle and begins doing the twist)
"bacause it makes me feel Good!!!"

At this point the state police give the man a choice.
He can go with the police
or
He can go in the ambulance.
The patient takes a deep breath,
looks around at all five of us standing around him
Then exclaims...
"I will be waiting in that ambulance"
he then
Ducks under a long arm of the law
and sprints to the ambulance,
opens the door , climbs right in and closes the door.

Ken and I walk over to the squad and open it up.
we find the patient  sitting on the bench seat.

I ask him to move onto the cot and put on the seat belts.
He extends his hand and pretends it passes right through the cot and says he can't sit there... he will go right through it.

Before I could come up with an answer to that statement
the patient stands up
hitting his head on the ceiling of the squad
and pretends that his head is through the roof.
he says "I can see all the people out here"
then he sits down on the cot.
and  puts on the seat belts himself
He seems quite comfortable.

We begin to transport
he is talking about many things
then he settles down and becomes quiet.

Ken takes advantage of this break in the action
to give report to the hospital
as Ken is finishing his report I hear the patient
ask Ken a question...
"Are you looking at my chest ? "
Ken says "No"
The patient then says
"I have a hairy chest, and Great Big Nipples ! "

Shocked and amazed Ken just smiled and said
"That's good."

I just kept driving.

As we arrive at the hospital the security gaurds are waiting out side of the entrance.

I pull the cot out of the truck and as I do the patient asks
"You want to see a magic trick ? "
and unbuckles the seat belts
throws his hands over his head,
grabs the door header
and pulls himself to a standing position
on top of the cot!
He then spins around
and tries to climd on top of the squad...

Ken grabbed his ankles just in time
and kept him off of the squad.
He was shouting at anyone who was looking,
he didn't sit down untill he was finished preaching
luckily it was  a message of love and god!

As we wheeled the cot into the ER
The patient  was shouting and saying
God was going to protect him and all who believed in him.
( I am not sure if he means believe in god or to believe in him?)
The patient quickly hopped off of our cot onto the bed
and from what I am told Behaved himself the rest of the night.


Good Night